Daughter’s boyfriend STINKS.

[canyounotplease]

My DD is 19, her BF is 20. He’s a nice enough guy, however me and my husband are having some issues with his hygiene. The main issue is that he works in a kitchen, and when he comes to see DD, he does so straight after work without showering. When I say he stinks of BO, I’m not just talking about when you get close to him, her room stinks to high heaven and it sinks into any room or furniture he’s been on. We have a weekly cleaner who went into her room after he’d been over and was absolutely shocked by how much it smells - she ended up changing the sheets and using carpet cleaner and other sprays to get rid of it.

Another time, my husband went upstairs and exclaimed, ‘it fucking stinks’, to which point the boyfriend laughed and said it was him. Husband then told him to have a shower which he did do, but this doesn’t seem to have embarrassed him enough and he continues to come over stinking.

My DD is incredibly neat and clean so I am shocked she tolerates it. We’ve mentioned it to her and she just shrugs her shoulders and says he comes straight from work.

Other minor issues are constantly leaving the toilet seat up, not washing hands after using the toilet and leaving dirty pots lying around where ever he’s been. There’s no thought to put it in the sink or dishwasher. We could live with that though, it’s the smell that is repulsive.

I don’t understand how his parents haven’t said anything and I’m not sure how we deal with this issue without completely alienating DD and her boyfriend?

Not washing his hands after going to the loo is a total dealbreaker, quite apart from all the other things.

There’s no way I’d allow such an awful stench in my home and have to spend my time washing sofa covers because of him. It would make me feel ill to think of him being intimate with my DD when he’s so dirty.

Tell him to shower and change at his own home before he sets foot in yours.

Woah. Back the truck up.. he works as a CHEF and he doesn’t wash his hands after using the toilet?? Please tell his employer and let us know where so we can avoid that place like the plague. Literally. Ew.

Also. Your house, your rules - if he comes directly to yours and he smells you have every right to tell him he’s not sitting on furniture etc without having a shower.

I'm having a lot of trouble believing this post is for real

Man stinks the house out by his mere presence, but is tolerated again and again
Super clean girlfriend does not mind - does she even have a nose?
Surely she must also smell after sleeping with him?
Does not get upset by GF's dad after being told he stinks the house out?
Works as a chef and doesn't wash hands after taking a shit and still has a job? Do his manager/colleagues not even have noses and eyes?

Sorry, its not passing the sniff test

"this is number 1 bullshit" Khabib N, 2016

It’s not the smell (I don’t think) so much re the kitchen work. It’s going to the loo and not washing hands before he prepares food. 🤢

Even if it alienates your DD, you should have basic standards. He should not come into your house.

Not washing hands after toilet is a good enough reason for me.

I would treat this as a work problem (and dear Lord, don't try to embarrass him).

• I see he's Turkish - what does he know about UK employment rules? Does he not have enough whites / other uniform? Can he ask for a proper allocation / buy some spares so he has enough to wash them after each shift?

• If he comes to you straight from work treat him like a household member with a messy job: he goes to the bathroom, puts his dirty clothes in a laundry basket and washes before socialising with anybody.

• He puts the washing machine on with his dirty work clothes ( look at the labels - so they need to be washed at more than 30 degrees).

• A pharmacist can advise on anti-perspirants (aluminium based ones can be helpful).

• Some bad smells can come from poor dental hygiene. Again if he doesn't know the UK well you could explain how he can see a dentist / hygienist.

• He might want to reconsider his hairstyle if his hair is holding food smells and it's long - shorter hair will dry faster.

• Your daughter can open her window to let fresh air in for a few mins each morning.

With the other stuff:

• I'd say a relative/friend/neighbour who visits has been ill / is older or frail so there's a household rule that everyone washes their hands in the bathroom. (There's probably a person in that situation so it won't be a lie your daughter could pick up on) (Are there cultural differences? Is Turkey a place everybody uses bidets and not toilet paper so hand washing seems less relevant because you've not been touching the area with your hands?)

• I'd also say it's a house rule everybody brings plates to the kitchen (everybody has different rules for loading the dishwasher - things that can't go in and are always washed by hand and how different things are packed onto the shelves. If you're not ready to teach him that set of rules go with corralling the dishes in the kitchen). You could say you're worried about mice.

My stepdaughters boyfriend is a rude person I can relate.

well, if the thread is not a send up, or a poorly-disguised dig at forriners

then I suggest the only solution is a giant bath of sheep dip at the front door

I never report a thread. Freedom of speech and whatnot but really?

He's Turkish.
Works in thinly veiled allusion to kebab shop.
Nice middle class girl with a bit of rough.

No. I don't like this. It's all a bit too much. Poor lad. If he's even real.

Does he wash his clothes as well as himself?
We had a lodger who smelt badly of BO. He showered regularly so it wasn't that, but he never washed his clothes, until we eventually spoke to him about it. Even then he had to be reminded.

Your DD has already accepted unacceptable standards. Please show her what this means long term.

Utterly horrible.

My money is on this thread being slow-burn rage-bait

I may be wrong, but it stinks of pork pies

It’s lack of personal hygiene. Anyone who works in a kitchen should have at least basic food hygiene and that includes washing your hands after the toilet and between jobs.
i used to rent a room at a friends she would have a friend who’d come over and the whole house used to stink, and I mean I used to retch as soon as I opened my bedroom door. He was very clean but he had some disorder and couldn’t help it.

Is it possible your daughter lost her sense of smell during covid? Mine did and she can hardly smell now but for her it's normal and she doesn't really notice.

We had a similar thing with some family members. It was absolutely horrendous and also really odd (like your DD, the parents were very neat, hygienic people, so it was really weird that their teenage/young adult children would be sooooooooo smelly!!!!!!)
We have stopped inviting them round as the smell knocks me and my DH sick and lingers for a good 24 hours afterwards (it is THAT bad).

sorry but you're scared of alienating your dd? tough if she'd rather go to his cesspit let her. see how long she lasts

Your home,your rules ,tell him to shower or stay away ,that's not unreasonable,he is showing a lack of respect .

Don't let him in the door if he hasn't showered and changed before coming over. Not showering at your house....He needs to be showered and in clean clothes when he gets to your house. And tell him that he must clean up after himself and wash his hand or he's not welcome over, period. He's Gross, Ugh!

This. I’d be mortified if my daughters thought. Man behaving like this was acceptable. Raise her bar!

🤢

He sounds very ill-mannered. I’d stop him coming round just for the leaving pots around, TBH.

Why is your daughter with this gross individual??

And your daughter is having sex with this guy, dread to think the state of his d**k 🤢🤮

OP, you need Graham Fellows, and you need him now…

Sure. Your holiday counts as high quality evidence 😂