Pregnant, moving in together but I cannot stand his dogs

[fluffypillowspls]

I’m three months pregnant and currently do not live with my partner. Since becoming pregnant, I really cannot stand the smell of his dogs. I also really hate the fur everywhere.

One of these dogs is quite elderly and realistically won’t be around in spring next year when I am due. I think this is a really smelly one as he doesn’t take it to be groomed as they are so old.

His house at the moment really smells of dog and I decided as of last night that I’m not going to his house anymore. He can’t stay at mine because he has to go back to his to look after the dogs.

He has given notice on his flat and will be moving back to his mum’s for a few months to help her as she’s old with Health Issues. The plan for December January times was for him to rent a place for both of us. I really do want to live with him, and I know at that point of my pregnancy. I will really need him around and want him around. However, I cannot stand the thought of his stinky dogs being in the house and the fur everywhere.

The thought of having a child and having fur all over their baby clothes really stresses me out. When I go over to his house now I literally have to hold my nose and he does try his best to clean mop etc but on some occasions it is really strong smelling. He is his nose blind to this and doesn’t realise and I’m sure he thinks I’m exaggerating.

I am bothered by this so much that I actually wish I could turn back the clock and not get pregnant because he does come with the dogs as a package. Obviously, I can’t do that and I’m not going to terminate, especially at this point, but I just feel so stressed out and down about this.

I’m considering maybe we just don’t live together once we have the child so I don’t have to be around the dogs but when I broach this with him, he was offended and did not agree at all with the idea.

I can’t tell him not to keep his dogs and I wouldn’t say that because one he would resent me and two he had them first, but I just cannot see a world where I am happy with having these two dogs or even just one of them around.

He has said that when we get this place together, he can section off areas for the dog/s to be, But I still think the house is going to stink and the fur will still get everywhere. I want my baby to be able to crawl around and not have fur all over them.

I don’t even know what I want from this post, but has anyone been in this situation and has it got better? Or am I just doomed? Has anyone decided to live apart from their partner.

I mean I agree with this. A baby trumps a dog always and I am sure a great home can be found. Maybe his mum can have them. No one really should have huskies anyway. They are super high need.

How is it? What’s disgraceful is allowing the mother of your child to be around 3 animals she is not comfortable with alongside a newborn baby. It’s not safe and as I said it’s a recipe for disaster. The OP needs peace in pregnancy and postpartum. They can review the dog situation later.

People's bodies haven't changed since contraception. Hormonal changes, stress, illness etc can all affect contraception. It is not 100% foolproof. And neither are our bodies.

You're missing that it is not important for her to move in with him! It's not necessary! No need for her to move in with him, and no need therefore for him to get rid of the dogs.

So having read your second post, you just simply hate dogs. You got pregnant to a man who has dogs. Make that make sense.
Just live separately.

Then she can live alone in peace. Perfect solution.

Im with you. I like dogs but I could not live with one. Or more then one which may be the case in this situation.
Realistically I think its quite hard to separate a dog to only parts of a house . My parents tried this and it caused a lot of tension whist trying to do day to day activities.
You can cope living alone with a baby. And he could stay/visit lots .
I dont know if im just swayed by my own experience with my first child but my dh was pretty useless anyway.
He worked full time so didnt do night feeds. And i coped doing everything during the day.
Thankfully by baby number 2 he had grown up a little.

Im wondering how the discussion went OP when you and your partner discussed planning a family.

What was the timeline of seeking a property together or a living arrangement together? What was the agreement around safety and hygiene of any animals you would have. Finances? Care of the child?

You did have this discussion I take it?

@FoldItIn @callmeLoretta1 you’re being silly and impractical. They’re going to be a family, it makes far more financial and practical sense for them to live together and her “partner” should not be prioritising three, quite frankly inappropriate, pets over the mother of his child and their unborn baby

He’s not going to stay though because of the flipping dogs. So OP will be doing nights alone.

I would love this and Im not even pregnant

Is it that you wanted to get pregnant and he was your best / only option?

Can't see why else you'd bring this bother on yourself.

For now it sounds like the only option you have is to continue living apart. Maybe in the future if he only has one dog you can try harder and the dog can be kept in other areas of the home. You can buy sprays for dog coats to make them smell better. If the younger dog would tolerate the groomer I would try that. Can he bath them himself? Op my sense of smell went through the roof when I was pregnant I hated the fridge as I felt so sick.I would see how things go once the baby is here.

Ignoring the dog issue you sound like you don't love each other. If you that anti the dogs you can't live together. You knew he had dogs. Sounds like a total mess. That poor baby

No we're not. There is no indication the OP even wants to stay with him in the relationship. She is better off alone and raising the baby as a single mum with or without his help.

Sympathies re smell, OP. Pregnancy gave me a super-acute sense of smell, to the point that I couldn’t even walk past the door of my regular gym because the smell of sweat was suddenly overwhelming and made me gag.

Otherwise, this sounds like a bit of a mess. It doesn’t sound to me as if this is a good relationship in which to bring a child. I’d be thinking whether I wanted to continue with the pregnancy solo.

The OP has chosen to continue a pregnancy with a man who has dogs. She hates dogs.
They cannot live together.

Of course you can accidentally get pregnant! No contraception is foolproof.

Assuming you've got time on your side, you can't accidentally stay pregnant though.

Three? Are you referring to his mum as the 3rd animal, or him?

I am aware humans are animals but it isn't the usual use of language.

A dog is for life, not for Christmas, or when your gf gets pregnant.

I don’t know how you’re even together to begin with as you’re obviously incompatible.

I think it’s best you live separately. Maybe you can make of a go of it when the dogs have naturally died.

There is no way my animal’s position in my home would be questioned or compromised under any circumstances. They were here first. I hope he stands by the dogs and you can sort something out amicably.

@fluffypillowspls How long have you been together OP? This is relevant.

I think what a lot of people are getting as is if you don't love this man enough to love his dogs, or at the very least commit to figuring out how to love them, you probably don't love him enough to have a baby with him. Life is about to throw you much harder things than two trained adult huskies and a bit of fur. Like unimaginably harder.

The bottom line here is you don’t like dogs and you’re obviously very sensitive to the smell.

DP is within his rights to say no to Co parenting from different houses if he wants a normal relationship. So if the dogs are a deal breaker then you need to accept you might be doing this as a single mum, eventually with 50/50 custody. If you don’t want that you need to make decisions soon.

His dog hygiene is not up scratch and if that many people have said things. So there’s a lot he can do that meets you both in the middle.

Dog should be contained to limited parts of the house in my view. I think it’s disgusting when they’re allowed to go upstairs for example.

On the plus side children with dogs in the house have much healthier immune systems. This is a robust and known scientific finding. It will be very good for your baby to crawl around on the floor with dogs. In general, most children could do with being a bit dirtier. Clearly not 19th century Victorian slum levels, but access to dirt and animals is good

He currently has three dogs - one might die soon taking it down to two dogs