Pregnant, moving in together but I cannot stand his dogs

[fluffypillowspls]

I’m three months pregnant and currently do not live with my partner. Since becoming pregnant, I really cannot stand the smell of his dogs. I also really hate the fur everywhere.

One of these dogs is quite elderly and realistically won’t be around in spring next year when I am due. I think this is a really smelly one as he doesn’t take it to be groomed as they are so old.

His house at the moment really smells of dog and I decided as of last night that I’m not going to his house anymore. He can’t stay at mine because he has to go back to his to look after the dogs.

He has given notice on his flat and will be moving back to his mum’s for a few months to help her as she’s old with Health Issues. The plan for December January times was for him to rent a place for both of us. I really do want to live with him, and I know at that point of my pregnancy. I will really need him around and want him around. However, I cannot stand the thought of his stinky dogs being in the house and the fur everywhere.

The thought of having a child and having fur all over their baby clothes really stresses me out. When I go over to his house now I literally have to hold my nose and he does try his best to clean mop etc but on some occasions it is really strong smelling. He is his nose blind to this and doesn’t realise and I’m sure he thinks I’m exaggerating.

I am bothered by this so much that I actually wish I could turn back the clock and not get pregnant because he does come with the dogs as a package. Obviously, I can’t do that and I’m not going to terminate, especially at this point, but I just feel so stressed out and down about this.

I’m considering maybe we just don’t live together once we have the child so I don’t have to be around the dogs but when I broach this with him, he was offended and did not agree at all with the idea.

I can’t tell him not to keep his dogs and I wouldn’t say that because one he would resent me and two he had them first, but I just cannot see a world where I am happy with having these two dogs or even just one of them around.

He has said that when we get this place together, he can section off areas for the dog/s to be, But I still think the house is going to stink and the fur will still get everywhere. I want my baby to be able to crawl around and not have fur all over them.

I don’t even know what I want from this post, but has anyone been in this situation and has it got better? Or am I just doomed? Has anyone decided to live apart from their partner.

Why some women are so selfish? Why start family with someone if your expect them to give up their family members.

Op should have thought about smell and hair of dogs before. Now expecting him to abandon his dog because some woman had a clock ticking situation and got pregnant with someone she has nothing in common with.

Also, there are many young couples with babies and dogs but Op is worried about her baby’s clothes getting in contact with dog hair.

Why can’t he rehome the dogs? The child is more important. I would definitely have that conversation first.

You don't like dogs in the home, he does.
Only move in if the younger dog is strictly kept in it's allotted area and if DP attends to the dog's need for exercise and grooming.
Help select the new flat; ensure it has separate spaces both inside and outside for the younger dog.

Also ask DP whether young dog would enjoy living with his mother. Could they be positive for each other?

I hiope his elderly mother is honest and objects if the dogs are too smelly for her.

Because it seems like with OP’s such strong dislike of dogs and not able to come to a compromise, her partner will have two options - give up his dogs or his child. And it would be dogs who will be abandoned.

You hope mother objects to the smelly dogs, so what happens to them?

Animals are for LIFE, not 'until we get pregnant'. It's not important for her to live with him, they can live apart!

Don't get a pet if you are just going to send it to the shelter when inconvenient!

If you move in with someone who doesn't mind smelly animals and a smelly, dirty home, you'll be cleaning up after him, the dogs and the children for the next 20 years. Don't do it.

I also think you're way more sensitive to smells because you're pregnant.

We had a leather chair in-laws gave us and we had it for years and i was fine with it, but during pregnancy I found the smell of it so intolerable I had to get rid of it.

I cannot tell you how sensitive my nose was in the first trimester. I hated the smell of supermarket shopping when my husband used to carry the bags in (especially the fruit and veg), I hated the smell of his aftershave and deodorant, I hated the smell of my entire house, it was AWFUL. Literally everything smelt really strongly and I felt so sick all the time. So I really sympathise but this feeling could pass either as you move further along in your pregnancy or when the baby is here xx

I was going to say this. I know a couple who when they split up they lived back to back and it worked really well.

You clearly are not a dog person. I would not ever contemplate this and would end any relationship if my “partner” asked it of me.
But then I would never be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t like dogs. I am not sure what this man was thinking, getting involved with someone so clearly anti dog or what op was thinking, getting involved with someone who loves dogs. You both want different things op, you’ll have to go it alone.

I married a man with an old dog and now I have a dog with the man.

Take the dog to a groomer.

Buy a decent deshedding brush for the breed - i think they are double coated? And brush out side daily. Look up how to groom a husky. You might need a weekly rested and a daily brush. Groomer will use deshedding shampoo.

get rid of dog beds. Ours last 6 months max and then replaced. - consider vet bed for elderly dog- disposable bedding- on top of a orthapeadic bed.
get a cordless vacuum to quickly andneaslyb hoover daily and a play mat for baby.

poor guy his mum is unwell, his elderly dog is in their twilight years and he had an unplanned pregnancy.

Don’t move in together clearly. That said an elderly incontinent dog mixed with heightened smell in pregnancy is quite different to regular dog smell at another time. There’s not much you can do about hair except regular hoovering and grooming for the dog.

Do you like dogs? If you do then you might find once baby is here there are compromises that could work but if you don’t then it’s always going to be an issue.

It really isn’t though is it? Talk about black and white thinking…..

Of course she can keep the baby, and her DP may well be mature enough to recognise her feelings.

Shock horror - he may want to do what is best for his baby and the mother of his child.

So many possible outcomes here.

At this stage you’re nesting, it’s your instincts. I had the same feeling with my cat and it lasted for about year after the babies were born, now I’m fine again. These aren’t even your animals, and dogs are worse in so many ways, they’re noisier and stinkier so you need to have a conversation with him to keep them away from the area where you’re going to be with your baby. Don’t listen to these horrible people on here, I completely empathise with your feelings!

It sounds like he doesn’t keep on top of housework or pet care. If he brushes the dogs daily there will be minimal hair around the house. If he bathed the dog regularly it won’t be overly smelly. I appreciate with an incontinent dog it’s harder but he needs to do more.

id actually think the dogs are the least of your problems. He sounds like a lazy slovenly person.

Don’t move in together.
Honestly I’m not surprised you’re stressed - not because of the dogs (I think this is solvable tbh) but because it’s all so badly organised and last minute.

You don’t know where you’ll be living, where he’ll be living. It’s a bit of a shambles.

for the dogs - wait until the older one passes away. Then with the remaining dog get enough space to section if off when needed, get a dog trainer, a dog walker and get someone to come to the house to groom it every week if needed. It’s a lot of effort but can be solved; he should be doing that list! Xo

Why do so many people lack basic comprehension and reading skills? Where has OP said that she expects him to get rid of the dogs. Show me.

YANBU. Three dogs and a newborn in presumably a small space as you mentioned living alone and renting is an absolutely recipe for disaster. He should really offer to at least temporarily find somewhere else for them to go. There is a baby now, it’s more important.

Exactly

Disgraceful tbh.

Do not move in with him. It will not work out well. You can only share a home with dogs if you love them to bits and you don't. Live separately, keep your home dog free. Your wish to live together is based on a fantasy version of your boyfriend who does not exist and you will be constantly disappointed with how reality fails to match that fantasy. You can still be in a relationship with someone without moving in together.

how stupid to get pregnant by him when you knew he had smelly dogs. You will have to delay moving in.

Don't move in with him. He can be offended. He also doesn't have to agree. You live where you want under the conditions you want. I think you need to continue dating. This doesn't sounfd like a long or established relationship. You can be a couple and live separately until your relationship is stable. Realistically, a lot of relationships fail in tbe first year after having a baby. It its hard, it changes dynamics and people show their true colors under pressure.

How anyone “accidentally” gets pregnant these days with every option of contraception available is ridiculous.