Pregnant, moving in together but I cannot stand his dogs

[fluffypillowspls]

I’m three months pregnant and currently do not live with my partner. Since becoming pregnant, I really cannot stand the smell of his dogs. I also really hate the fur everywhere.

One of these dogs is quite elderly and realistically won’t be around in spring next year when I am due. I think this is a really smelly one as he doesn’t take it to be groomed as they are so old.

His house at the moment really smells of dog and I decided as of last night that I’m not going to his house anymore. He can’t stay at mine because he has to go back to his to look after the dogs.

He has given notice on his flat and will be moving back to his mum’s for a few months to help her as she’s old with Health Issues. The plan for December January times was for him to rent a place for both of us. I really do want to live with him, and I know at that point of my pregnancy. I will really need him around and want him around. However, I cannot stand the thought of his stinky dogs being in the house and the fur everywhere.

The thought of having a child and having fur all over their baby clothes really stresses me out. When I go over to his house now I literally have to hold my nose and he does try his best to clean mop etc but on some occasions it is really strong smelling. He is his nose blind to this and doesn’t realise and I’m sure he thinks I’m exaggerating.

I am bothered by this so much that I actually wish I could turn back the clock and not get pregnant because he does come with the dogs as a package. Obviously, I can’t do that and I’m not going to terminate, especially at this point, but I just feel so stressed out and down about this.

I’m considering maybe we just don’t live together once we have the child so I don’t have to be around the dogs but when I broach this with him, he was offended and did not agree at all with the idea.

I can’t tell him not to keep his dogs and I wouldn’t say that because one he would resent me and two he had them first, but I just cannot see a world where I am happy with having these two dogs or even just one of them around.

He has said that when we get this place together, he can section off areas for the dog/s to be, But I still think the house is going to stink and the fur will still get everywhere. I want my baby to be able to crawl around and not have fur all over them.

I don’t even know what I want from this post, but has anyone been in this situation and has it got better? Or am I just doomed? Has anyone decided to live apart from their partner.

this. All of this.

well that's one way of putting what I think...perhaps a kinder way than mine.

Hell would freeze over before I got rid of my dog for anyone.

Even your own baby? I find this point of view utterly astounding, even for dog-lovers.

Not quite sure the general public ( us ) are queueing up to adopt 2 huskies - esp one being ' older ' and ' smellie '

he may very well resent you in time if you suggest this / force him to do this, and that increases the chances of him leaving you anyway.

Surely you wouldn't consider him having the dogs destroyed...

Why do animals need to go when a baby arrives

So he’s moving in with his elderly mum to help out. He refuses to get rid of his dogs as one is old and probably won’t be around much longer. I like him. You not so much

What a shit show but - as an absolute minimum he needs to agree to get the older dog groomed so it doesn’t stink.

No. The dog is apparently going to die soon. You don't stress an old dog out by taking it to a groomers

You can buy products to wash animals at home

Its obvious your not a dog person but he is. 🤷 For me I couldn't live in a house without a dog. I remember meeting my partner and our love for animals was something that brought us together. We were backpacking and talked quite a bit about us missing our dogs back home. We probably missed them more than our parents. 🤣 It just doesn't feel like a home to me without a dog. I think you will just have to live with it. You could come up with a compromise that he pays for the dogs to get groomed every month. It will certainly help with the smell and fur. Also, maybe the older dog can live with he's mum (it might be more peaceful for it than living with a baby), but I don't know any dog people that would willingly give up their dog.🤷 I've got a few baby gates so our dog isn't allowed upstairs and I can lock her in the kitchen if needed. This helps as well.

I think your best option is to say that you will be happy to live with him when the last of his dogs has died, but until then you will be living separately. That might of course mean waiting for several years before you can all live together. Or alternatively he could consider rehoming the younger dog when the older one dies, but that's quite a big ask if he's had it since it was a puppy and is emotionally attached to it.

All dogs smell. I've never met one which didn't. Dog owners always insist they don't, but they do. They are very smelly animals.

My ex was like you (not pregnant) he didnt like my dogs was constantly criticising them trying to ban them from certain areas and being generally grumpy. It made me so miserable I got so stressed out about the whole situation. I left and looking back he just had no empathy at all. Dont move in with him please, his dogs are old and by the totally heartless way you talk about it dieing I wouldnt trust you around them.

Looks like OP isn't coming back.

Tbf you're being quite precious about this. Why are the options living with him and putting up with it or not? How about having them groomed and, you know, vacuuming?

Worked in animal behaviour and grooming for quite a while. You're totally wrong, plenty of breeds don't smell and plenty don't smell if they are regularly groomed.

The time to think about this was before getting pregnant OP. Why did you get pregnant before having lived together.
I’d be concerned about dogs around my new baby.
If he’s moving out anyway his stinking flat won’t be a problem. Hopefully his mum will make him get rid of them.

Yanbu at all but you needed to think ahead. I told my husband before I married him that I could never live in the same house as a dog, happily though he had dogs growing up he no longer wants one. He told me he didn’t want a wife who worked 6 days a week! You have to discuss these things.

Dogs do smell, even if it’s just their breath or they’ve rolled in fox poo. Of course she is not totally wrong.

If he is such a wet lettuce that his “mum makes him get rid of them” any attraction I ever potentially felt for him would wither and die. Immediately. Personally, I prefer a man with principles.

I’m sat in my house full of regularly groomed, superbly well fed, every possible medical care given to them, dogs. They smell. Not terrible, not “stinky” not unbearable, not over powering. And I hover and mop at least twice a day. Can even I still smell them? Yes. Admittedly, I have a lot, but dogs DO have “a” smell. Personally, I like it 🥰🥰 But I don’t deny it exists.

Tripe

They've probably been together a very short time. A year tops if that.

Aside from the massive red flag of insinuating the dogs should be rehomed — there are so many other factors to OPs situation that just makes it sound like a total disaster. I bet they’ve been dating a couple of months. You’re expecting a man to give up dogs for a barely serious relationship just because she’s fallen pregnant. The whole thing is a disaster

i can’t see a world where I would have chosen to be with husband if he didn’t accept my pets. So you are right, you can’t ask him to give up his dogs, he will probably give you up before that happens as It’s all sounding so flakey. Going to live with his mum, then you are going to rent together, you don’t live together now. We had our dog (who is a senior dog now at 10) before we had kids. Labs are very hairy and I am able to keep a clean house and clean children. It is hard, but not impossible. You will get the hang of it if comes to that. For now as the others have said, stay apart.

Indeed! How long have you been together before you got pregnant with the dog issue in mind? Totally unreasonable to expect him to give up his dogs, they do actually mean more than just a temporary pet.

Ideally, you would have spent enough time together at each other's and talked about your fur issues and what would happen if you became pregnant. Clearly not so best to continue to live apart. Do you both work, meaning very straightforward, or get UC, so a joint claim which will affect your income?

A lot more info needed as personally I would not give my dog to anyone else (ok Im female) just because we there wasn't responsibity taken.

This is most likely a goad post for animal lovers and I've felt the need to add anyway!