Pregnant, moving in together but I cannot stand his dogs

[fluffypillowspls]

I’m three months pregnant and currently do not live with my partner. Since becoming pregnant, I really cannot stand the smell of his dogs. I also really hate the fur everywhere.

One of these dogs is quite elderly and realistically won’t be around in spring next year when I am due. I think this is a really smelly one as he doesn’t take it to be groomed as they are so old.

His house at the moment really smells of dog and I decided as of last night that I’m not going to his house anymore. He can’t stay at mine because he has to go back to his to look after the dogs.

He has given notice on his flat and will be moving back to his mum’s for a few months to help her as she’s old with Health Issues. The plan for December January times was for him to rent a place for both of us. I really do want to live with him, and I know at that point of my pregnancy. I will really need him around and want him around. However, I cannot stand the thought of his stinky dogs being in the house and the fur everywhere.

The thought of having a child and having fur all over their baby clothes really stresses me out. When I go over to his house now I literally have to hold my nose and he does try his best to clean mop etc but on some occasions it is really strong smelling. He is his nose blind to this and doesn’t realise and I’m sure he thinks I’m exaggerating.

I am bothered by this so much that I actually wish I could turn back the clock and not get pregnant because he does come with the dogs as a package. Obviously, I can’t do that and I’m not going to terminate, especially at this point, but I just feel so stressed out and down about this.

I’m considering maybe we just don’t live together once we have the child so I don’t have to be around the dogs but when I broach this with him, he was offended and did not agree at all with the idea.

I can’t tell him not to keep his dogs and I wouldn’t say that because one he would resent me and two he had them first, but I just cannot see a world where I am happy with having these two dogs or even just one of them around.

He has said that when we get this place together, he can section off areas for the dog/s to be, But I still think the house is going to stink and the fur will still get everywhere. I want my baby to be able to crawl around and not have fur all over them.

I don’t even know what I want from this post, but has anyone been in this situation and has it got better? Or am I just doomed? Has anyone decided to live apart from their partner.

I doubt he will find it easy to rent anywhere with dogs. Under the current legislation tenants can request to keep a pet and LLs cannot legally refuse unless the place s unsuitable (eg a small flat). However when they are choosing tenants LLs will go for ones without pets and simply say they made the decision on some other grounds. I lurk on a LL forum where LLs discuss the damages to their property that has resulted from some pets and will do anything rather than allow them. I wont let anyone bring a dog into my house. They leave it at home or tie it up outside.

@OneFastPinkTraybake Exactly! My husband and I are 50 and 45, both in work and always have been. We still can't afford to buy with the market as it is so are long-term renters and have a 6 yo little girl. @OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon

We're brilliant parents btw 😀

Don’t abort - sounds like you really don’t want to. But dump the man if he won’t dump the dogs. I completely understand where you’re coming from - even being around stinky dogs for a short time makes me feel dirty. Some owners are nose and fur blind.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with renting; we do, despite both my husband and I being older and both working.
However, I do think there is something wrong with the OP saying she can't afford to live on her own with the baby. Why not? She has a financial responsibility to the child, as does the father.

@Friendlygingercat We're long-term renters. In my decade of renting I've had a dog (elderly rescue) and have always had a cat. My landlords have never had an issue with it; they know we keep our homes beautifully clean and tidy.

I would park the moving in until the last dog dies of old age or, once the baby 'projectile' sharts all up the wall and you realise the dogs odour isn't the worst thing you'll be smelling in the future.

i dont understand why he just doesnt put them in the bath and wash them-so they never get cleaned it must stink to high heaven

I read it as 'both dogs' implying two.

I am a landlord and I go for ones WITH pets purposely if I can at all do it. I do this because animals are already in a dire situation and I know other landlords aren't the same as me.
I've never had any issue caused by pets. Children, on the other hand...

Hell would freeze over before I got rid of my dog for anyone. I wouldn't get pregnant to someone who hated them though either, in fairness.

He has two dogs. She posted this

@OneFastPinkTraybake @FunPartyIdeas

The Op says he is a good earner, usually a ' good earner ' will want to buy rather than spend his life paying rent.

( unless he is waiting to inherit his mum's home ! if it is bought / owned outright )

I honestly think people with pets get through tough end of the stick. I'm in council housing and I've always had pets and loads of people where I live have pets. My street is a mix of owner occupation council housing and private lets.

Can’t you pay for them both to go to the groomers. I know it’s a lot of money especially as you need extra for the baby , but once they are cleaned up it might make he realize he needs to be on top of their care a lot more with grooming and so on.
I don’t think I could live with dogs that were so smelly and when you’re pregnant your sense of smell is a lot more powerful as well. Which is why you’re noticing it more and worried about the baby.
Im afraid I would be it’s me or the dogs if I were in this situation , but I appreciate he doesn’t want to rehome them and how awkward it is.
He needs to clean up the house too.

She said his house is clean in the first post

Wrong thread

The house may be clean ( good) but once the baby is moving around it will be more difficult to keep the baby away from the dogs and the fur does get everywhere.
The op is clearly worried about this.

Nope, in the real world, most people love dogs and pets too and recognise them as part of the family (rightly so) - it’s actually Mumsnet that appears to have a lot of dog haters on.

The OP wasn’t in a long term relationship with this gentleman, it didn’t sound very serious by the sounds of it, if she’d fallen pregnant and they weren’t even living together. Obviously these things happen, and it’s no shade on her for that, but there needed to be more thought given to a man who has existing dogs if you blatantly despise dogs so much.

It’s not a reason to rehomed dogs. It doesn’t even sound like a serious relationship given the circumstances.

Lots of people have dogs and babies. She just seems to hate dogs

If there were aggression problems, then yes, that would pose a threat to a baby / children. But rehoming due to a smell that’s more than likely pronounced due to pregnancy? Ridiculous!

Unless his mum is terminal (and even then the timescale is a massive unknown), how does he know he'll be able to move in with you early next year, dogs or no? Or is he just going to leave her to it when baby comes along?!

The smell issue is possibly just due to pregnancy - a good friend couldn't even stand the smell of her husband when pregnant!

Sectioning off an area for the dogs and him ensuring he vacs/mops daily is a reasonable compromise imo, if you do choose to live together.

Yet I'd be one of the people who would get rid of the partner and keep my dogs.

It takes all kinds, but for many of us, our dogs really are members of our family, and are therefore not disposable if/when 'inconvenient'.

It sounds like the OP is like you, I wonder what her partner will pick?

You might find you feel differently after you have given birth. I remember my sense of smell was about 100 times more sensitive when pregnant and many smells that don't normally bother me, made me feel sick. There was an overwhelming 'whoosh' of sickly bath products when I opened the bathroom cupboard door. I could smell a plug in air freshener behind the closed door of our 2nd floor flat from the bottom of the stairs on the ground floor. I couldn't be anywhere near cigarette smoke. For the time being its probably best you live apart and then see how you feel once your sense of smell has returned to normal.

@OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon Not always.
Would you say, taking us an example, that around £55k pa (jointly) was "enough" to buy? It isn't for us.
Is OP even working?

Someone suggested the older dog be PTS? Actually get in the sea. Animals aren't commodities that you can just palm off or get PTS on a whim.

That was me. I suggested it because her boyfriend said the old dog "can't be groomed because it's old". If that's true and not a lazy man's excuse, then since grooming done properly doesn't hurt at all, we're talking a dog in so much pain it can't tolerate ordinary healthcare. So yes, PTS in that circumstances is entirely appropriate. So many owners leave it far too long before they PTS because they just don't want to make the decision, so their pets linger on in unnecessary pain and distress, solely to delay the owner's feelings of heartbreak. Which is selfish.

She's considering an abortion over two dogs ? Plenty of people have dogs and babies.

No, she's considering an abortion because there's a definite chance they're going to break up and she says she doesn't want to be a single mother. It just got worded as "because of the dogs" because the incompatibility of a dog lover dating a dog hater would ultimately be the reason for the split.

To all the people saying "just live separately" - OP has said she doesn't want this because she'd resent her boyfriend's essentially child-free daily life. She doesn't want to be a single mum and living separately is too like that for her. She wants to live together as a family. Living separately was a massive compromise as far as she's concerned, only considered because he has dogs. And it's one that probably won't work because her boyfriend doesn't want to live separately either, he wants to live as part of a family with his child. So if she insists on living separately they're probably going to break up then. Which leaves her back in the situation of being a single parent. And that's something she says she definitely doesn't want.

To all the people going on about contraception and basically blaming OP for the pregnancy - condoms are pretty foolproof, especially if there's other contraception being used at the same time. The issue is men don't want to use them. It's his responsibility too to have considered who he risked getting pregnant and to have considered that a dog hating girlfriend who can't even be around them temporarily when she comes over to his place, is someone he should make damn sure he doesn't get pregnant, since he's a dog lover with no intention of giving them up and doesn't want to be an absent father living separately from his child. This pregnancy isn't all on the OP.