Pregnant, moving in together but I cannot stand his dogs

[fluffypillowspls]

I’m three months pregnant and currently do not live with my partner. Since becoming pregnant, I really cannot stand the smell of his dogs. I also really hate the fur everywhere.

One of these dogs is quite elderly and realistically won’t be around in spring next year when I am due. I think this is a really smelly one as he doesn’t take it to be groomed as they are so old.

His house at the moment really smells of dog and I decided as of last night that I’m not going to his house anymore. He can’t stay at mine because he has to go back to his to look after the dogs.

He has given notice on his flat and will be moving back to his mum’s for a few months to help her as she’s old with Health Issues. The plan for December January times was for him to rent a place for both of us. I really do want to live with him, and I know at that point of my pregnancy. I will really need him around and want him around. However, I cannot stand the thought of his stinky dogs being in the house and the fur everywhere.

The thought of having a child and having fur all over their baby clothes really stresses me out. When I go over to his house now I literally have to hold my nose and he does try his best to clean mop etc but on some occasions it is really strong smelling. He is his nose blind to this and doesn’t realise and I’m sure he thinks I’m exaggerating.

I am bothered by this so much that I actually wish I could turn back the clock and not get pregnant because he does come with the dogs as a package. Obviously, I can’t do that and I’m not going to terminate, especially at this point, but I just feel so stressed out and down about this.

I’m considering maybe we just don’t live together once we have the child so I don’t have to be around the dogs but when I broach this with him, he was offended and did not agree at all with the idea.

I can’t tell him not to keep his dogs and I wouldn’t say that because one he would resent me and two he had them first, but I just cannot see a world where I am happy with having these two dogs or even just one of them around.

He has said that when we get this place together, he can section off areas for the dog/s to be, But I still think the house is going to stink and the fur will still get everywhere. I want my baby to be able to crawl around and not have fur all over them.

I don’t even know what I want from this post, but has anyone been in this situation and has it got better? Or am I just doomed? Has anyone decided to live apart from their partner.

OP it is obvious that you simply loathe his dogs and possibly all dogs, which is fine as long as you don't intentionally seek to harm them or their wellbeing. That being said, why on earth did you chose to procreate with a man who owns two dogs? By your account they are well trained, your partner is on top of the cleaning so really it all comes down to you - it is possible that pregnancy has enhanced your sense of sense and disgust, that does happen. We are not here to discuss whether dogs smell or not, whether they make good family pets or not ; the crux of the matter is cannot move him with him and you will have to co parent separately. Can you wait a few years until both dogs are gone? These huskies have all their needs met at the moment, it wouldn't be fair to isolate/restrict their movements or change their habits too much. Sorry not to be able to offer you a suitable outcome for you.

Once you have the baby, all the feelings about the dogs will be even stronger so please do not move in together. You will HATE the smell and the fur etc a million times more once your baby is here than you do now. We had 2 ragdoll cats for years before I got pregnant. As soon as baby arrived I wanted nothing to do with the cats. The fur drove me nuts and I wanted them away from my baby in case they accidentally hurt baby or spread germs to baby.

Splitting up won't solve it, as you'll need to share custody, and you'll have no control over how much interaction with dogs and fur that the baby will have on his time.

If you go ahead with the pregnancy, the best solution will be to live together and have control over how the dogs and baby are kept apart. But I don't realistically see how you are going to achieve a perfect segregation here. Dog fur and smell gets everywhere.

I think you are going to have to compromise on something here.

Completely agree with you neither dog should be PTS or baby terminated due to this.

But you’re essentially telling op ‘you’re bad for having these feelings’ which I think is futile at best.

I also have kids who’s whining and intermittent loud screaming I don’t enjoy, but I tolerate it because for me the benefits outweigh the downsides! Surely no one actually enjoys dogs’ barking? We just deal with it happening sometimes as part of the package?

In this scenario I think op is saying ‘I can’t/don’t want to deal with it’ and that is completely ok. Doesn’t make her a cow or even close, just a person with preferences and choices.

Sorry, I disagree. Dog lover and owner here 🩷

Worried about cats spreading germs to baby. As opposed to your baby being in any other environment where germs are around. I'm sorry. You have cats for years and then as soon as you have a child you wanted nothing more to do with them. These are pets who were bonded to you.

I assume you rehomed them ?

Germs ? Surely you realise there are many more ways that germs can be passed to a baby than a pair of cats.

Some people really do think animals don't matter as soon as a child comes along clearly.

Google "nose blindness" Its a thing about any smell

For people saying temporary rehoming? Where to? Shelters are full. Sorry no. You don't yank an old dog out of its home just because someone doesn't like the smell or the fact that it barks

Does he bath the dogs regularly and keep then just in a small area of the house that can be cleaned thoroughly and often? If not he can do that straight away. If you can't stand his dogs this relationship is doomed, living separately isn't going to work long term, does he smell of dog and get covered in fur?

"In this scenario I think op is saying ‘I can’t/don’t want to deal with it’ and that is completely ok. Doesn’t make her a cow or even close, just a person with preferences and choices."

Totally agree except the OP says that she didn't used to spend much time at his or with the dogs pre pregnancy and didn't like them then, so it seems that her feelings have amped up and not completely changed. She also says she "loves him and was happy with him" except for the dogs.....now why anyone would take a risk of pregnancy with someone where there is such a big "except for" I have no idea unless she had some idea of "I will make him love me more than the dogs...I will make him give up the dogs for me"
But has the Op seems not to be returning, I guess we will never know....and yeah I still wonder what the contraception was that failed

I’m sure you could make some difference if the dogs are groomed daily to remove surplus hair. They could have a bath. Get a pet hoover and hoover regularly. If their breath smells, I think you can get toothpaste or dog chews. All these things would I’m sure make a difference and help you to feel better about the situation.

Why should the dogs have to be kept in a small area of the house. Its HIS house. There are plenty of people who have more than one dog and kids.

I've got neighbours who have two kids and a dog. They live in a flat with a big garden.

If they posted on here they'd be asked all sorts of ridiculous questions about how often they cleaned their house or if they groomed it every day. (To Mumsnet standards).

Kids and pets can co exist quite happily.

Some dogs are just 'uncleanable'.

We had a dog, absolute lovely temperament who would just lie down and take a brushing or washing like he was getting the best tummy tickle' but every groomer returned him with a 'sorry, we've tried everything and can't do it'. He was a mixed bread and his fur in certain areas was just completely untamable but it cause him no irritation or issues. You just couldn't even get into it in some areas as it was like a dense thicket and other people always complimented how lovely he looked and how friendly he was but also complained he smelled like 'wet dog' all the time. The more you tried to wash and clean him apparently the 'damp doggier' he smelled.

He lived a long and happy life in his wooley uncontrollable fur coat with no issues and his smell never seemed to bother him (and I was a child back then but honestly it never bothered me either, I couldn't even smell anything).

I am surprised he even got a 2nd and 3rd date with you because of your dislike of dogs - it's not just the smell you mention more than once the fur / hair and them being near the table when you eat etc etc etc

and now he is moving in with his mum until further notice not exactly about to become a family man is he.

So accept you won't be living together, realise you will probably split up and be very very very prepared to be a single parent receiving maintenance if you are lucky.

Of course you will survive financially you can always claim top up benefits.

I am not so sure about him being the high earner you think he is,

why was there a flat mate,
why would it be him finding somewhere for you both to rent,
why hasn't he got a mortgage and living in his own home.

It is difficult to rent with 2 large dogs despite laws saying dogs should be allowed, landlords can find an alternative tenant there are plenty of prospective tenants available.

Why would he be giving up the current rental for just a few months until his mother becomes miraculously better..

You didn't say how long you have been dating your boyfriend.

This makes sense up until: “How would you feel to be asked to get rid of your Granny because your partner was going to have a new baby? You'd think he was insane to even suggest it, wouldn't you?”

😂I just don’t understand how people put their dogs on a par with humans. If I was this bloke and I had to choose between the love of my life and my baby I would not be choosing the dogs!!! Jesus.

but is she the love of his life?

again all very true and pertinent.....not sure the OP is telling us all the story

Obviously 🙄

The OP is getting a hard time from the dog nutters of mums net. In the real world most people realise that a baby is more important than a pet and behave accordingly.

Why should he have to choose.

If you did chose to abort it wouldn’t be because of the dogs, it would be because you are in an incompatible relationship.

I think you need to accept that the chances of you ending up a single parent are high. This is an essentially untested relationship, and an unplanned pregnancy. Even if the dogs weren’t a factor, the likelihood of you remaining together long term is pretty low. So I would base your decision on how you feel about that.

I actually don't have dogs. I do have pets though and all of mine are rescues. The idea that someone should have to give up a very elderly dog might be absolutely fine with some people but others won't agree.

Not everyone has a mortgage. I don't. We don't know the ages of these people. They could be early 20s.

1. Talk to him. Be honest.
2. Ask him to get the dogs to the vet and get them checked over for any health conditions
3. Get them both to a professional dog groomer.
4. Look for a house with a garden and the dogs must stay in a certain part of it nowhere near your living space (this feels very hard to achieve!!)

I sympathise. I do feel torn as although it feels very very extreme to put it as “I got an abortion because of his dogs” I wouldn’t exactly say it was just that. The pregnancy wasn’t planned, you haven’t been together that long, you don’t live together and have no plans to, and there’s a lot of fundamental incompatibilities. He sounds nice enough though, like he cares about you and the dogs (bare minimum I know). How old are you?

Ultimately, yes pregnancy heightens smell very much so but having a newborn and toddler also destroys your patience and tolerance for anything but the baby, in my experience. There was many, many times I couldn’t bear to be around my own very loved small, non-shedding dog, so there’s no fucking chance I’d have tolerated big, hairy, smelly dogs that weren’t even mine.

I can relate to this in some way. I’m not pregnant but would like a child in the future - but my boyfriend has the STINKIEST dogs known to man and he is just completely nose blind. I care very much about his dogs and did when I got in the relationship with him - I love dogs - but when they stop you doing things in the relationship you can become resentful. (Eg. He can’t stay over at mine because he can’t get someone to look after his dogs unless it’s his dad who already watches them in the week while he’s at work - he can’t ask anyone else or get a dog sitter because one dog has behavioural issues and anxiety and will lash out at people he doesn’t know/gets so anxious he can’t wee - and the other has lost the use of her back legs and can’t control her wee/poo). Needless to say, as well as both already being naturally stinky, it is very smelly because of the wee/poo problem. He tries to keep things as clean as he can and looks after her very well but tbh there is a lot I would do differently that would mean things wouldn’t smell as much - because it really does stink and makes me not want to go round. I hate seeing his dog with back end issues like that as well (although she is quite spritely considering she is 13), but it is just hard to be around as an animal lover and keeping her alive isn’t something I necessarily agree with and I’m not quite sure where I am with that. It also reeks to high heaven.

anyway, all this to say, that I know where you are with the hair getting everywhere, the awful smell etc, and not being able to live with them. I find the sound of them difficult - they’re chihuahuas and are very needy and so they want something all the time and will whine and that sound literally hurts my soul and I struggle to be around them for a couple of hours, let alone live with them. I can’t even stay round his anymore. So our relationship has turned into this weird going over to each other’s for a couple of hours thing.

I think either separating them, or holding off moving in is your best answer. My partner showers his dogs regularly and washes their beds and it still stinks. But he lives on a boat so it’s very small and a lot of smell confined to a very small space. It might be different for you? If he can wash their beds regularly and shower them maybe it’ll be different?

How about she just had a partner whom she’s happy with who had dogs she didn’t like and avoided, then unexpectedly found herself pregnant and came to ask other women for support and advice? I think people forget we are talking about an actual person who’s ended up in a guddle, and is probably feeling ten times worse for having started this thread. Id probably leave it too in her circumstances.