AIBU to tell my daughter to report a flatmate's mother?

[Boxingshibes]

Dd went to university a couple of weeks ago. She is setting in well and likes her flatmates.
Unfortunately there seems to be a problem with one of them. She is an international student and her mum came over to help settle her in, all fine.
BUT
The mum is still there, sleeping in the same room as the daughter.
The rest of them are getting increasingly annoyed as she's just there and as she doesn't speak any English it's difficult to ask what her plans are.
When dd moved in her contract said that she wasn't allowed any overnight guests to stay more than 2 consecutive nights.
Its been 2 weeks!
I've told them to go to student housing/ welfare and say something. Maybe they can do something?
Surely at the very least it's a safety issue if there was a fire or something as this woman isn't supposed to be there?
The rest of them dont want to get this girl and her mum into trouble but if the mums visa runs out surely that's worse?
I know I can't do anything but how do I get through to dd?

Well done to your daughter and others and I hope this girl thrives at uni now that she’s free of her mum…

All paying renters are having the absolute piss taken out of them and they need to definitely stop pussy footing around by not asking the girl yet again. Get reporting asap and get the mother out of there asap. I'd go bloody berserk if I was cooking and the freeloader turned off my oven too. The fucking cheek!

Lots of international students don’t have much English as they use Google translate in lectures

And positive for the Chinese student too.

Don’t be ridiculous. She isn’t supposed to be there. End of.

That’s great Op - hope she has actually left!

That's a great outcome and I'm really pleased the daughter is asking to go out with them too. Hope they all now have a positive uni experience.

This isn't on at all. We are in Ireland and DD was in uni residences 1st year and max stay was 2 nights for a guest and had to be agreed by her other flatmates and noted through her portal on the residences account.
This will be spoiling freshers for your daughter.
They need to report her.

The mother has left

Not true. You have to reach a standard of English to be admitted int he first place.

I’m guessing the girl may be very grateful they helped get rid of her mum 😁

We have.
That's how we know you are full of shit

Great news, OP! I’m glad the girl wants to join the others tonight.

Miami said what I was thinking. I also think the Mum might be suffering from separation anxiety and your dd is being really sensitive to do the right thing. There should be a pastoral care type service they might feel more comfortable to go to for advice first. Universities used to give postgrad students cheap accommodation and undergraduates could go to them with problems? Failing that there should be a student counselling service (maybe with ‘Disability Services’ as title) or at the very least there is student nightline for social psychosocial problems. I think one of these services would listen, offer suggestions to help them sort it themselves then most likely (given what you have said) advise it’s gone too far and they should feel no guilt to go to housing manager. The housing manager should find out why the Mum feels her daughter needs her support and if (as is likely) she doesn’t sign-post her to the support she needs to let go and feel reassured her daughter is safe and should be allowed the chance to manage living semi-independently.

Daughter tells mother, mothers asks mums net

This is how thousands of people act in tandem.

I imagine it’s because if there is a fire and she isn’t supposed to be there fire brigade won’t know to look for her if she doesn’t get out.

Yes, this is not 'normal' and very much a cultural issue. It seems like the Mum won't be leaving anytime soon and student accommodation is not for parents to live there. It completely changes the dynamics of being away, so having a parent there isn't appropriate, especially with her controlling what you all do.

Keep trying to talk to her/both of them and also ask someone like the student advisor to attend.

Also speak to a university official to ask 'hypothetically' to get real answers. When it comes to the point of simply giving the information, there will be a sensitive and experienced approach of how to manage the situation. This responsibility isn't yours, pass it on, trust the process.

When I had a year studying abroad it was wonderful to have my parents and sister come with me for the first few days. My parents stayed in a hotel and my sis slept in my room. It meant so much to me to have this support, but having my younger DS top and tail for 3 nights is different to a parent two weeks on.

<sigh> this isn't how it works. Think about it - how could the fire brigade possibly know how many people were in the flat at any given time, regardless of who is on the tenancy? Some may be in, some out, some may have a friend staying over. They will ask anyone who was just in the property of course, but even they might not know if Lucy got lucky and came home that night, or if Sam had an argumentwith his boyfriendand came home when he was planningto be out. They will do a room search if it's safe to do so. If it isn't safe then there won't be survivors.

Well done! I hope the girl has a good night out!

Aw that's a good update, OP. I'm glad that despite all this palarva the Chinese student feels ok asking your DD and co if she can have a night out with them. Hopefully they'll all become good pals. x

Greats news. I am pleased for all the girls. I hope they all make lots of friends and the Chinese girl is included and they all take the opportunity to learn about other cultures (and maybe cooking? My dc2 has a British Indian kid in his halls and is already delighted by some of the recipes he is teaching him).

I clearly remember a cpuple of years or so ago a Chinese mother coming on here to ask about her son coming here for uni (they were HK Chinese I think) and being really keen for him to mix with lots of different nationalities and learn about British culture, I remember being very impressed at her (and her son's) open minded ness. That's why I was a little disappointed at DC1s uni where the Chinese students all lived together and didn't mix at all. I dont think unis should let flats fill up with all international students, they should mix them up.

Why wait? In your shoes I’d be calling the appropriate phone number tomorrow.

The mother has gone

Not anymore. The university crisis was accelerated by the government tightening this up to the point they refuse huge numbers of visas

they also changed the rules so students can’t bring dependants

however. There is no doubt families raise the first payments (often obtaining them through dodgy means) send the student then said student disappears - however it is much less common now.

One of DD’s friends almost ended up on a similar situation. Her international flatmate messaged her 24 hours before she was due to arrive to ask if there was somewhere for her Dad to stay. DD’s friend said if it is just for the night he is ok to stay at the flat. No, she intended for her Dad to stay FOR THE FULL ACADEMIC YEAR!!!! Luckily she had the opportunity to say no before they arrived and they didn’t just move him in!