AIBU to ask my sister to stop asking about the housekeeper?

[Backtothey2k]

I have a lovely housekeeper who comes every other day (not weekends). Yes, I know this might seem like a lot to some, but I don’t like cleaning. It is the last thing I want to do when I finish work. I like everything to be done so I can just get on with making dinner and spending time with my family.
Yet, every time my sister calls (we live in different parts of the country), she seems more interested in what my housekeeper has done today rather than me and her nephews. I just do not understand why she is so invested in it.
Would I be rude to ask her to stop asking about what the housekeeper has done? I just want to catch up with my sister, not talk about chores.

I do realise that. That most people don’t employ housekeepers. Of course I do. But I also realise that times are different now and just because you employ a housekeeper doesn’t mean you must be of an aristocratic background. Sure you are not poor but my circles are “normal” people.

It’s not in the name. My housekeeper calls herself a housekeeper not a cleaner and I shall respect that. I have had a cleaner who came in for 5 hours and cleaned. My housekeeper does much more than that including food shop, some admin, school run and anything I need help with. It’s not the same in my view, I couldn’t ask my cleaner to pick up my kids for example.

True 🤣🤣, tell her all the dirty jobs OP, she'll soon stop.

Crikey, some of you expect a lot from your cleaners. I hope they are paid accordingly. My cleaner cleans. Anything else I would expect to pay extra. Because they are extra jobs.

I would entertain her @Backtothey2k and just make up more and more outlandish stuff. Give her something to get in a tizz about.

Oh don't go there, you're now verging on nanny territory.

Can't possibly be having that, you'll have some posters frothing at the mouth! 😅

And it's in the fricking name! People are dense.

Sounds lovely - I would definitely like one if I could justify and afford it. It would have been a dream when the kids were young and I was working full time.

We are funny in this country. I remember when I was off on maternity with two young kids. My friend who lived I think in Singapore could not get her head around the fact I didn’t have any help. Women at home with young kids over there had housekeepers and nannies. Sounded amazing to me. Obviously much cheaper over there.

Anyway, just tell your sister to stop asking or say ‘the usual’ and change the subject.

It's the classic MN double standards.

The other thread where OP is looking for a cleaner is a perfect example.

How dare you ask a cleaner to do more than clean, you should be hiring a housekeeper!

Then she should be ringing the housekeeper for a chat instead.

I agree with this completely- I saw the thread you are taking about! I don’t get it.

I have no idea why people on here are so weird about having household help. I don't know anyone who doesn't have a cleaner/housekeeper/au pair. Isn't that par for the course for a LOT of middle class professionals?

I don’t think you can compare your 2 hour a week cleaner with OP’s set up.

Speaking as someone without a cleaner or housekeeper.

I'd bloody love a housekeeper. I used to work with someone who had someone every day.

For those questioning it I probably do 2 hours domestic chores every day if you count tidying, sorting washing, cleaning, the bloody shitting dishwasher, ironing. So if a housekeeper does 4 hours every other day there's more than enough to keep her busy

I'm jealous and I expect your sister is too OP.

🤦‍♀️ - I honestly don’t understand it. I personally didn’t have a nanny but I wouldn’t (and didn’t) judge friends who had nanny’s. Gosh life is hard enough as it is, why would we not (if we are able) make our life easier.

I don't know anyone who doesn't have a cleaner/housekeeper/au pair. Isn't that par for the course for a LOT of middle class professionals?

I have one friend who has a cleaner. It has to be said that most of my friends are retired now and their children have moved out, so keeping on top of household stuff is minimal these days. Most of them didn't have cleaners before they retired though.

Not knowing their names is a bit unusual. As, presumably, he’s lived with and knows these people? If they’re staff in his parents’ home and he’s never met them, as he lives here, then I’d understand. I have no idea what my parents’ current cook is named.

But, calling the cook by his job title when you’re speaking to someone that doesn’t know him is standard, and I’m not sure why that would make you uncomfortable. Would it make you uncomfortable if he came home from work and said ‘the auditor/accountant/IT Manager’ said/did X?

Too many women physically hurt themselves trying to do with all, at the same time judging other women for making their life a little easier.
Housekeeping roles, cleaning, ironing, cooks, mothers helper, are all beneficial to the employee and the employer. Without these roles many women who aren’t big earners wouldn’t have the opportunity to work in a job that fits their lifestyle around school etc.

Ask her if she’s seen Father Ted/Downton Abbey (delete as appropriate) and when she says, ‘Yes?’, reply, ‘Well, that.’

Yes!

I could do all the household chores but then I'd have limited time for hobbies, relaxation family time and time with DH, all things I value. So why shouldn't I outsource it?

I'm sure people would judge equally as heavy if my house was a mess and dirty!

Also agree with this. Most of my friends have cleaners/housekeepers/nannies. I think with the need of 2 parent working (and other reasons) it’s probably more common than it was for my parents generation (boomers).

We had a helper/housekeeper for years (live overseas) and she was a god send.
Collected kids from school, dealt with all the activities, took the dogs out, cleaned, laundry, organized the closets, cooked occasionally, babysat, dogsat, arranged access for home maintenance people, got groceries in if we needed something last minute etc etc.
She kept our shit together when the kids were young.
Massive difference between a cleaner and a housekeeper!

Exactly.
I am on the other side of the coin. I know many cleaners, housekeepers and childminders who appreciate their job to have a decent work life balance.
It is a win win.

@roxyro this is MN, a chat forum where people shares stories about their lives, sometimes wanting advice, and sometimes just to chat. The people who read it are curious about the lives of others. Otherwise why else read a chat forum? Why not just post specific questions, get answers, then leave?

So when someone posts that they have a servant - not just a cleaner, an actual servant - 3 days a week - naturally a lot of us are curious, because it’s very different from our own lives.

I hope that explains my post, but of course if you’re still confused then by all means ask questions.

Say "The usual" and change the subject.

It’s plain envy.

May I ask how much you pay for her? I would love somebody to do this.