AIBU to ask my sister to stop asking about the housekeeper?

[Backtothey2k]

I have a lovely housekeeper who comes every other day (not weekends). Yes, I know this might seem like a lot to some, but I don’t like cleaning. It is the last thing I want to do when I finish work. I like everything to be done so I can just get on with making dinner and spending time with my family.
Yet, every time my sister calls (we live in different parts of the country), she seems more interested in what my housekeeper has done today rather than me and her nephews. I just do not understand why she is so invested in it.
Would I be rude to ask her to stop asking about what the housekeeper has done? I just want to catch up with my sister, not talk about chores.

Oh, I completely agree. I neither need, nor could we afford, anything like my parents’ setup.

Perhaps I should have phrased it better. When I said attitudes intrigue me, I meant attitudes towards paid domestic help. As this thread illustrates, along with others I’ve seen on here, people get a bit odd about it. Is it because domestic labour is somehow seen as shameful or degrading? Or because it’s seen as ‘women’s work’, so simultaneously of low societal value, yet shameful for a woman not to do herself? (Somehow, it’s never men being mocked for paying someone to do housework).

Or is it a throwback to the whole upstairs/downstairs thing, and that’s what people are uncomfortable with?

The way I see it, there are lots of things I don’t want to do: gardening, cleaning, laundry, DIY, my own hair. So I pay people (very well) to do them. But, for some reason, going to a hairdresser instead of cutting your own hair is fine, while paying someone to keep your home beautiful is apparently not.

Can you tell us what she dioes on each day ? How much is she paid , what job you do and how much do you get paid ? Are you singe? What is your partners take on all this … how many kids …dig??

btw no one normal “likes” cleaning everyone hates it and everyone likes living in a clean tidy house - that’s fairly standard

I didn't know the difference until recently. That was only because I was fascinating about winning the lottery and seeing what help I could buy in to manage the huge house I'd found.

That’s cool. Most don’t! As you will see on any thread on here where someone dares to suggest asking their cleaner to change the bedding or tidy toys or something like that and the entire thread will descend into ‘they’re there to CLEAN, the clue is in the name!’ and such like.

My boyfriend when I was a teenager lived in a huge country pile. They had “the help”. It gave me notions and I’ve never quite reconciled myself to my own adult life without “the help”.

Why are you asking the OP all these questions? If you want to hire a housekeeper, then you should advertise for one yourself.

Is your life really that boring that you spend your day . Trying to get attention from strangers of the internet 🤣🙃. Don’t worry replying you will not get no more attention from me today . class this as my good deed for the day. Servant very interesting how you value other people jobs

Yes that’s true. And some people can afford to have someone come and in do it all for them, whereas others can’t.
I’m one of those who can’t, by the way. I’d bloody love a housekeeper, or a cleaner, but we can’t afford it. I don’t begrudge anyone else having the help that they can afford to pay for though!

I don’t have a housekeeper , cleaner or servant . I was an au pair once , it was torture . All that housework !

Well I am interested, how many hours does she do? When I looked for one they were £30 an hour with a minimum number of hours.

Can you outline what makes this person a ‘servant’? From what I can see she does a number of jobs for the OP, likely agreed in advance of the job beginning, and is paid for it. Just like any other job?

So when someone posts that they have a servant - not just a cleaner, an actual servant...

How patronising and archaic of you. OP and PP posted about having a Housekeeper, who advertised themselves as such.

At least now you finally know, it's not just stately homes that have housekeepers.

I like cleaning, and ironing actually.

He's never known their names apparently even when he lived there. He doesn't ask their names when he visits. He was telling me a few years back about his mum's house girl ... the house girl did blah blah blah i said whats her name? He said i dont know. I said to him didnt you ask? He looked gone out and said no, i asked him why and he said i didnt think about it.

They all talk about the house girl/boy to each other eg tell the house girl to...

I do have a problem with the language used. It is, to me, very dismissive and it doesnt sit right with me. It's very upstairs downstairs.

I don't think that's right - my weekly cleaner did these things.

A housekeeper used to be someone who came daily, to tidy as well as iron/clean/wash and change bedding, and sometimes get dinner prepped or part prepped. They are keeping the house going rather than parachuting in to do the bathroom and kitchen and hoover/dust everywhere else.

Nowadays not many can afford that, but I would think a housekeeper would come at least every other day.

This is a novel suggestion @Backtothey2kbut you could just ask her why she finds your housekeeper more interesting than you?

He didn’t know the names of the staff in the house he himself lived in? I find that genuinely astonishing and it’s certainly not something I’ve ever come across.

Brace yourselves, I have a cleaner AND a housekeeper. Definitely different roles.

No one in my family asks what they get up to when they call, that would be rather odd wouldn’t it.

I don’t have a cleaner or a housekeeper.
There are times I could have done with help but hey …sigh 🥺
Anyhow , I know plenty of people who have a cleaner come once a fortnight to do 3 hours work ( usually there are 2 people so it’s done quicker )
Apparently that barely scratches the surface of what actually needs doing .
Next door to me has a cleaner once a week for the entire morning so she has a lot less to do in the house .
She seems to be a SAHM with one almost 4 year old child who is in nursery , so her house is immaculate
However , I’d say your set up is more a housekeeper than just a cleaner .

Oh no, not the notions 🤣🤣🤣

Thanks for that, really gave me the laugh I needed!

Agree.
Have you asked the in-laws what the staff's names are @Error404FucksNotFound ,surely they would know for hiring purposes.

It's a cultural difference, that's all.

I don't think that deserved a snarky response. I thought @BerryTwister posted a very reasonable and non judgemental explanation as to why having a housekeeper three times a week is considered unusual. It's certainily unusual in my world.

The way I see it, there are lots of things I don’t want to do: gardening, cleaning, laundry, DIY, my own hair. So I pay people (very well) to do them. But, for some reason, going to a hairdresser instead of cutting your own hair is fine, while paying someone to keep your home beautiful is apparently not.

Thank you @TheIntricaciesOfHarpUpkeepAndMaintenance . I think that is a great way of looking at it. DH is useless at DIY so we get tradesmen in. I can handle a paintbrush, but am not nearly as good at decorating (or as quick) as a professional decorator.

Really normal circles 😂😂

Sister you seem obsessed with my housekeeper. Shall I set up a camera so you can watch her on live stream ?