AIBU to worry CMS deductions could push my son into crisis?

[Wokeuptired]

My son split from his ex almost 2 years ago, they have 2 children together and 1 child that my son brought up as his own, their was lots of drama in the relationship and his ex was very demanding, my son paid her maintenence every month and paid for other things for her like the sky bill and some h/p goods, at the end of last year my son took a very serious attempt at taking his own life and he got sectioned, he obviously couldn't work but his ex was still demanding money from him, In March he got his old job back but he had to save for a deposit and furniture as well as pay for prescriptions food fuel to get to work, he was around £200 short each month and we helped him out with that, during this time his ex refused to let him see the children and he has not seen them since January, he had an upcoming court case to get to see them, as the eldest isn't his biologically he had to get a lawyer to help him as he wants her included.
Now the CMS are involved and they have taken £1700 out of his wages this is £700 for the month and £1000 in back pay as they calculated this from December last year, this leaves my son with around £500 after tax, he can't live on £500 as he can't even cover his rent with that, he has just got himself sorted financially but still owes money.
He doesn't know what he can do as he has phoned CMS and they said it has to be that amount and he explained the situation.
He has been to his boss to see what can be done and if he leaves this job he will break his contract with them and they won't employ him again, he can't go part time and then do work on the side to make the money up.
He just can't afford to work, it's ridiculous as he doesn't want to go on benefits as he also pointed out that it won't help his mental health.
What can he do?
I'm just so worried that he is going to try and end his life again as this seems like a no win situation.

The CMS take first and ask questions later unfortunately. The only thing he can do is a apply for a mandatory reconsideration.
He needs to phone them every week without fail and log who he speaks to. Its a VERY long process but tenacity is the only way forwards with them!
Has he done the online calculation based on his wages and how frequently he has them overnight? What does that say he owes in comparison to what they have taken?
If he can prove he wasnt earning during the period he has been charged they should allow for a court hearing but you HAVE to drive this from start to finish.
Now that they have taken his arrears (rightly or wrongly) his payments should be less each month now.
I wish you the best of luck but the CMS is a complete shambles and so many men take their lives because of the arrears they are wrong accused of.
Take good care of your son and be there for him as much as you can xx

All of this. He's told you a tall tale. £82k a year salary, with one child is £650 odd a month. A year of non payment on that salary is £7800.

For your son to be on so much less and with arrears of £9k, he hasn't paid for some time. And he's not paying £700 a month for current amount either. If his current amount, and his arrears amount total £1700 a month, he's barely paid her anything through CMS , ever. Because on his salary, those figures don't add up.

@aliceyyyy2654 So NRPs long term mental health is irrelevant to you? Baffling take but you are entitled to your opinion.

Being worried about affording everyday costs is not moaning btw. Just so you are aware.

Exactly another ‘dad’ trying to dodge paying for the kids he chose to have.

🤷🏻‍♀️

Well aren’t you a peach. Where did OP say his original mental health condition or suicide attempt was linked to having to pay for his kids ? She was under the impression that the CMS were taking a lot more than they actually are when she posted and worried that that would further exacerbate his MH problems - which after a serious suicide attempt ending in sectioning under the MH act is a very valid concern. Thankfully the situation isn’t as she thought. Maybe make sure you understand the issue before passing nasty judgement.

Did your partner get a buy two and get one free on his first set of kids? Does he really think that £150 a week is a decent contribution across 4? Shame on him.

She asked for opinions and I’ve given it. It doesn’t need to be something you or the OP agree with

I'm sorry to hear your son is unwell, and happy to see he's misread his payslip.
YABU for looking at what the mother earns and deciding CMS is unfair.
Thankfully she has a good enough salary to keep the children fed while your son is incapacitated. That's what is important.

Now he's back in work, he has to figure out how to make his finances work.Many single parents get into debt raising their children. It's just one of those things adults deal with, so it may be what he experiences too, if he doesn't have an alternative.
It would be absolutely disgraceful though for him to give up his job to forego his responsibilities to his children.

I hope he can figure it out

Nope. Try again. He made a mistake. OP has clarified. Try reading the updates. Nobody is dodging anything, or have you just bypassed everything OP has said to suit your own narrative ? He’s never dodged payments before his illness and he paid over and above what was asked of him. What did you expect of him while he was mentally ill under section and not earning ? You can’t give what you don’t have.

Might be nice if you base your opinions on fact though, don’t you think ?

Why are you so bothered? Are you the OPs son in disguise? 😂😂

@aliceyyyy2654

Weird that you won't concede it would be better for the NRP to not be driven into another mental health crisis.

Who does he think should pay for his kids?

Well he stopped paying for January, February and March… that’s not a mistake

It’s rage bait. Pathetic when this is someone’s actual life and very difficult circumstances.

Indeed. Just another mother enabling her useless son, and wondering why he's useless. I knew she was lying about having seen the paperwork.

I meant he made a mistake in the calculations. He was sectioned and in hospital after a suicide attempt Jan-March. What did you expect him to do ?

@Credittocress say he had cancer or a bad car accident, and was unable to work and pay due to that would you feel the same way.

We have to consider his mental health, because if he ended up dead the children would lose out financially as well as losing their parent.

I don't know where you got that from, his deduction was £754 that equates to £454 in cms and £300 for the arrears.
And if people can read it said he couldn't pay for 3 months due to him being in hospital and then getting his old job back, and when he went to pay her she told him she had put in a cms claim and they will take the money directly from him.
The job he had before his attempted suicide Paid better and from his bank statements he paid her £600 a month then bought things like takeaways once a week for her and he also paid the sky bill, Netflix, hp on her sofa, as well as clothes for the children and even holidays. So those saying he is trying to get out of paying are wrong, he needs to keep this job even though it's less paid but his wageslip for this month confused him. Thank you to all the people who gave great advice and I have passed this onto him anyway, and for those who have wasted their time reading this I'm sorry but I'm worried about my son no matter how old he is he is my baby, anyway I'm off to the airport now.

I would actually. I would expect him to reach out to his parents or the bank or a friend for a loan. His kids don’t stop needing to be fed or clothed. Why should his ex have to pick up the slack without warning? They aren’t a couple anymore, why is she bailing him out?

I have seen the cms paperwork the back payments were not included and I have seen all the court paperwork and that of the lawyers, the only thing I didn't see was this months payslip as I took his understanding as what he verbally told me.

Where is OP lying ? When she said she has seen the paperwork, she was referring to that provided by CMS which is likely correct. That’s not where DS made the mistake. It was his payslip he misread and thought they were deducting more than they actually were. OP said in an update that she did not see the payslip until later when she was able to clarify what they were actually taking. And describing him as ‘useless’ in the circumstances OP describes is disgusting.

Something doesn’t add up. Has he been refusing to pay for quite some time? If e was ill/not working then he wouldn’t have accrued arrears? Presumably if there’s such a big amount of arrears he hasn’t been paying when he should have been? He needs to face up to this since the children have been left without. If that’s not the case though I would be querying it as they do need to leave him with some money to live on.

Yep. I got that, it was in an update although I seem to be in the minority of posters who’ve picked up on it. Sorry, my clarification cross posted with yours.