AIBU to worry CMS deductions could push my son into crisis?

[Wokeuptired]

My son split from his ex almost 2 years ago, they have 2 children together and 1 child that my son brought up as his own, their was lots of drama in the relationship and his ex was very demanding, my son paid her maintenence every month and paid for other things for her like the sky bill and some h/p goods, at the end of last year my son took a very serious attempt at taking his own life and he got sectioned, he obviously couldn't work but his ex was still demanding money from him, In March he got his old job back but he had to save for a deposit and furniture as well as pay for prescriptions food fuel to get to work, he was around £200 short each month and we helped him out with that, during this time his ex refused to let him see the children and he has not seen them since January, he had an upcoming court case to get to see them, as the eldest isn't his biologically he had to get a lawyer to help him as he wants her included.
Now the CMS are involved and they have taken £1700 out of his wages this is £700 for the month and £1000 in back pay as they calculated this from December last year, this leaves my son with around £500 after tax, he can't live on £500 as he can't even cover his rent with that, he has just got himself sorted financially but still owes money.
He doesn't know what he can do as he has phoned CMS and they said it has to be that amount and he explained the situation.
He has been to his boss to see what can be done and if he leaves this job he will break his contract with them and they won't employ him again, he can't go part time and then do work on the side to make the money up.
He just can't afford to work, it's ridiculous as he doesn't want to go on benefits as he also pointed out that it won't help his mental health.
What can he do?
I'm just so worried that he is going to try and end his life again as this seems like a no win situation.

@Nomoreexcessgum I agree he is giving the incorrect numbers, but I do not believe he is doing it intentionally or maliciously.

I suppose that’s where we differ

a couple of mistakes - sure
every single figure wrong and always presenting the ex in a worse and worse light? That’s no coincidence

I don’t think necessarily malicious. I think ill

@Nomoreexcessgum if you think he is doing it because he is ill then you don't think he is doing it intentionally...

You can be mentally ill ie an addiction for example
and intentionally lie to get money
you are intentionally lying to feed your addiction, aka your mental illness

Where has OP said he has any kind of addiction ? Neither has she said he’s trying to get money from her, just help with CMS calculations. And for your information mental illness and addiction are not the same thing, so your aka is misplaced here.

The £9k he thought he owed was a misunderstanding. He has what sounds like a severe mental illness - enough to induce a serious suicide attempt and get him sectioned. On top of that he has dyslexia which would make it difficult for him to make sense of what he was seeing. Do you not think that’s enough to be going on with, without you levelling unfounded accusations too ?

l worked for CMS and pretty much every day came across claimants - both resident and non-resident parents - who couldn’t make head or tail of the figures. To make matters worse OP is in a different country and had to travel to support her DS and get it sorted out.

And if you read the OP, he was hospitalised under section after a serious suicide attempt when ex decided that she would go to CMS. I think that’s a pretty bad light to start with to be honest.

To be fair, some posters have misread too. One poster quoted OP as saying her son was earning £1200 and paying £700pm and pretty much calling her a liar, when in fact she actually said he was earning £2200 and paying £500pm - £200 in maintenance and £300 arrears for the period it took CMS to work it out. Which is correct.

I’ve also been pretty much called a liar despite trying to advise the actual facts - all because I mentioned that if DS was willing to pay via direct payment he could ask CMS to write to the ex to see if she was willing to accept that instead of CMS collections. Collected payments via CMS cost money to both parents and in ex’s case it’s money that could be going to her children. But hey - what do I know, I just worked for CMS.

This is one of the nastiest threads I’ve ever been on with a couple of posters lecturing and trying to run other people off the thread just for disagreeing with them. It’s grown legs with misinformation and an enormous amount of posters commenting without reading the updates. There’s no point in MN having a ‘see all’ button under the OP. No bugger uses it because they prefer to make stuff up instead.

Neither do I. OP hasn’t said anything to indicate that DS has been anything other than very unwell. But as usual on MN no fucks given.

Yep, and this is how the law works - rightly there is no link between access and maintenance.

I was about to join, and then I read the last couple of pages and clocked who was domineering.

Tbf I'd be irked as the NRP if I was paying maintenance but the RP wasn't bothering to go out to work as well to support the child.
Both bio parents have a fianancial responsibility to any bio child.

You mean yourself right?

I think I’ve been lucky not to come across them before, seem to be renowned for this in mumsnet

You could help him get on his feet but you cant possibly suggest he doesn't have to contribute to his children.. He will have to go without.

I would not allow my child around someone suicidal.

Well if he’s been sectioned, hospitalised, released and is back working, it’s probably a safe bet he’s no longer suicidal.

Nope. At no point did I embark on smug lectures about how to post, or try to get someone run off the thread. And it’s important to note how many deletions for personal attack took place. And they weren’t mine.

Can you point me to anything I’ve said or done that precludes me taking part in a public forum ? I’m not unpleasant and not targeting anyone for personal attack, which is more than I can say for some posters.

Even though I'm no longer posting on the thread I have had a few very informative and kind pm's. And ThreadGuardDog was one of the posters who sent me a lovely message.

You're right. There has been a handful of posters on this thread that are renowned for this, but it's definitely not @ThreadGuardDog that's the issue here...

Wouldn’t he be better off getting a loan to cover the back pay that he can spread the cost over years so it’s affordable? Surely that’s better than leaving work and leaving his children short at the same time?

@Wokeuptired Is the mum working at all, OP? Or relying solely on others to support her children financially?

I don’t think he’s actually considering leaving work now, as OP has updated to say they’ve sorted out the payments and he wants to support his kids. If he’s been ordered to pay £458 a month then the arrears incurred for the five months it took CMS to deal with it, will be around £2140. He’s already paid one month at £300 so that leaves around £1840. From what OP said earlier on in the thread he was paying £600 a month before he became ill as well as paying extras so hopefully £758 a month dropping to £458 when the arrears are paid, will be manageable.

This is a really sad thread. A very ill chap. An ex who is balancing an ex who was sectioned and ongoing money issues. A mother who is very concerned but just can’t seem to get an accurate picture from her son as to what is really the case.

And children lie at the heart of it all

what difference does that make? The OP's son is a working father and as such, has a legal (let alone moral) obligation to support his children. What mum does or doesn't do has nothing to do with it.