AIBU to worry CMS deductions could push my son into crisis?

[Wokeuptired]

My son split from his ex almost 2 years ago, they have 2 children together and 1 child that my son brought up as his own, their was lots of drama in the relationship and his ex was very demanding, my son paid her maintenence every month and paid for other things for her like the sky bill and some h/p goods, at the end of last year my son took a very serious attempt at taking his own life and he got sectioned, he obviously couldn't work but his ex was still demanding money from him, In March he got his old job back but he had to save for a deposit and furniture as well as pay for prescriptions food fuel to get to work, he was around £200 short each month and we helped him out with that, during this time his ex refused to let him see the children and he has not seen them since January, he had an upcoming court case to get to see them, as the eldest isn't his biologically he had to get a lawyer to help him as he wants her included.
Now the CMS are involved and they have taken £1700 out of his wages this is £700 for the month and £1000 in back pay as they calculated this from December last year, this leaves my son with around £500 after tax, he can't live on £500 as he can't even cover his rent with that, he has just got himself sorted financially but still owes money.
He doesn't know what he can do as he has phoned CMS and they said it has to be that amount and he explained the situation.
He has been to his boss to see what can be done and if he leaves this job he will break his contract with them and they won't employ him again, he can't go part time and then do work on the side to make the money up.
He just can't afford to work, it's ridiculous as he doesn't want to go on benefits as he also pointed out that it won't help his mental health.
What can he do?
I'm just so worried that he is going to try and end his life again as this seems like a no win situation.

If the mother struggled with her mental health and decided to opt out of feeding their kids I’m sure you’d have something to say. I’m sorry your son is struggling but I don’t know what you’re looking for here-for people to say it’s unfair or something? Perhaps you could lend him the money.

Talk to CMS OP. I’ve posted a little upthread in more detail if you want to have a read of it, but if the deductions are going to cause him hardship he can negotiate with the CMS as regards the payment of arrears. They would rather put a manageable payment plan in place than risk the NRP dropping out of work. Your DS is clearly vulnerable and they should take that into account. It’s worth reiterating though, that if he owes arrears at any point then without a payment plan in place the CMS can essentially clean out his bank account leaving a nominal amount, and they don’t need a court order to do it.

It’s a bit more than struggling if he’s been sectioned due to a serious suicide attempt. The CMS should be made aware of the situation and he should be treated as the vulnerable person he is. It’s counter productive too because if he has no money to get to work he’ll be sacked and then no-one gets paid do they ?

Sounds like he isn’t in the best place mentally

Did he inform CMS when he lost his job? His CM for those months would be zero. He needs to contact them with proof so they can recalculate what he owes if they don’t know.

Also I’d clarify if he was paying for 2 or 3 kids. It’s all very well being noble but he needs to focus on clearing the backlog. If he wants to give his ex more money in future then he can but for now, he needs to get back on an even financial keel.

Glad it has been sorted OP. I hope your son gets his mental health issues sorted, and manages to see his children. Regardless of the money, their mother should not be withholding contact. That punishes the children, and a father for the having the temerity to be unwell.

I thought you'd seen all the paperwork? So had you not actually seen it? Or just had misunderstood what it said as well?

Glad its not as bad as he thought, hopefully you sitting down with him will help him figure it all out.

For goodness sake.

She said - He paid the CMS and contributed additionally to household expenses to make sure the kids had what they needed.

In the post you quoted.

So you didn't actually see the paperwork??
Seems both he and you need to slow down, read things properly and not panic.

The CMS calculation is based on gross salary and the number of children being supported. A quick calculation tells me that that poster is essentially correct. £100,000 salary after allowable deductions would equal a CMS figure of approximately £320 per week - just under £1400.

When I got cancer and couldn’t work for 2 years, my kids still needed food and school uniform and shoes and days out.

Obviously, as he wasn’t earning, technically his CMS should have been zero deductions from wages as he had none. But realistically, his ex was still covering for his inability to support his kids during that spell. He may not need to pay her back for holding it together for them all when he couldn’t, but he should.

But yes, somewhere the official maths aren’t mathing. My guess is you aren’t getting the whole story.

Before December he was paying her directly £600 a month and on his statements he put as a reference "child maintenance " he couldn't pay January, February or March as he didn't get paid until April after he worked for some of March and April, he went to pay in the April and she told him not to bother as she had gone through the cms. He got his first letter from cms in August saying what he needs to pay with no mention of how much they were going to take in backpay. During the time between February and August he had to buy a car to get to work pay a deposit on his rented home so he can show the court that he is able to have the children, all he wants to do is be with his kids and make sure they are OK and i have seen the paperwork as due to his dyslexia he misreads things, it all became clear after I started this thread and he sent me a copy of his payslip as I can now see where he was mistaken.

Where does it say he is avoiding paying ?

For his own biological children and possibly his ex other child ?

Show me where it says this ....?

And you would have been entitled to benefits due to being unable to work and due to disability which you could use to pay for your children's essential expenses?

As people have mentioned, your DS and you need to take a breath (may be easier said than done):

1. Gather all the documents and try to get a coherent story what happened since the split
2. Go to Citizen Advice or something similar and ask for help to calculate the proper amount and what help is available

No need to panic, this country has so many safeguards in place that they can put you in jail or kill you for debts etc.

1. Once you have the final calculation, contact CMS and if they can't back up their claims, use your MP to get them to do their job.

What are you talking about ? Have either of you read my post properly because it appears not. He was making a voluntary contribution to his ex at a higher rate than CMS. She thought she would get more via CMS and she was wrong. It was substantially less. I said quite clearly that he pays the CMS order as it stands AND makes the voluntary contribution to the household to make sure the kids have what they need. Where is the ‘that’ll show HER’ here ?

Am glad you've been able to go and support your son. This sounds an absolutely dire situation and I hope it gets resolved soon for your son, especially over withheld custody. Hopefully CMS will listen to what has happened and make suitable adjustments.
Whilst there's always 2 sides to a story, your son's ex sounds a nasty piece of work. Your son also sounds like he's been very generous with his support towards his children.

So was she just not meant to feed the children until he was well enough to pay?

It's the last fucking paragraph in the post you quoted.

People not reading the thread annoys me, but not even reading the post they're replying to is beyond belief.

Which is exactly what CMS would do. They consider the benefits claimed and calculate the percentage payable as child support. And having cancer is no guarantee that you will qualify for disability benefits. It’s automatically classed as a disability under the Equality Act 2010 but it does not automatically qualify someone for disability benefits unless they are terminally ill with less than a year life expectancy.

His take home this month is £1700 after his rent he has £800 left and we will help out with his bills so he isn't that short, his main worry was that he couldn't afford to work as he needs to work.
He read his payslip wrong as the thought he was only going to be paid £500.

@KL29 Well if he had killed himself she would have had no choice. What a dazzlingly stupid thing to comment.
It is the best interests of everyone that the NRP is mentally healthy and able to continue contributing. If the resident parent was mentally ill and unable to work they could expect support from the state in order to feed the children.

@Wokeuptired
We all posted that your figures were totally wrong and you said that you had seen the paperwork and continued saying it was right. Now you’re saying exactly what we all said it would be (even the amounts are what we said they would be). So… you didn’t actually see the paperwork before then, did you? But you argued with the advice you were being given? Waste of everyone’s time.

At the end of the day he needs to pay for his children regardless of what their mother is earning it is his shared responsibility.

secondly I don’t personally understand the figures as my partner pays £100 a week for 3 children and then £50 for our daughter although we are still together and he pays for other bits and bobs for them all like clothing, shoes, school trips, the fun stuff but also has them overnight he just gives the weekly to support in which ever way he can. And he earns around £800-900 per week after tax I think I’m not sure I’ve never bene nosey enough to ask or want to know because we are all looked after by him and I work. So I would go back through CMS calculator and see.

What a ridiculous comment. As the resident parent she would be getting child benefit and claiming child related additions to UC if not working or having wages topped up. He was mentally unwell, hospitalised, sectioned and had no income. What would you have liked him to do ?