AIBU to worry CMS deductions could push my son into crisis?

[Wokeuptired]

My son split from his ex almost 2 years ago, they have 2 children together and 1 child that my son brought up as his own, their was lots of drama in the relationship and his ex was very demanding, my son paid her maintenence every month and paid for other things for her like the sky bill and some h/p goods, at the end of last year my son took a very serious attempt at taking his own life and he got sectioned, he obviously couldn't work but his ex was still demanding money from him, In March he got his old job back but he had to save for a deposit and furniture as well as pay for prescriptions food fuel to get to work, he was around £200 short each month and we helped him out with that, during this time his ex refused to let him see the children and he has not seen them since January, he had an upcoming court case to get to see them, as the eldest isn't his biologically he had to get a lawyer to help him as he wants her included.
Now the CMS are involved and they have taken £1700 out of his wages this is £700 for the month and £1000 in back pay as they calculated this from December last year, this leaves my son with around £500 after tax, he can't live on £500 as he can't even cover his rent with that, he has just got himself sorted financially but still owes money.
He doesn't know what he can do as he has phoned CMS and they said it has to be that amount and he explained the situation.
He has been to his boss to see what can be done and if he leaves this job he will break his contract with them and they won't employ him again, he can't go part time and then do work on the side to make the money up.
He just can't afford to work, it's ridiculous as he doesn't want to go on benefits as he also pointed out that it won't help his mental health.
What can he do?
I'm just so worried that he is going to try and end his life again as this seems like a no win situation.

That’s what I’m doing but unfortunately you are trying to police peoples opinions and tell them what they can and can’t write. The ‘facts’ do not change my opinion and you need to accept that and stop harassing everyone who posts something you don’t agree with on every thread

that’s irrelevant. the cms are for once doing their job. It’s hardly like they are leaving a man financially ruined it’s around £100 a week he’s contributing to 2 or 3 children.

Once again, if you click 'see all' on OPs post you'll get all the information you need. You've somehow managed to post with the wrong information.

CMS are very fair, more so the the absent parent that the resident. If they take too much you can apply and they refund, he needs to be reassessed and they don't generally continue payments during periods out of work. Either he is lying or has not given them all the information and they are estimating. He needs to co.operative fully and pay for his children his ex wife's earnings are none of your business and are not relevant. Also she has probably been advised not to let him see the children if he is mentally unwell. If you want to help you could try to facilitate joint contact with you them and him then she will feel more assured of their safety. The CMS and his ex are prioritising the children you need to stop thinking they are out to get him tbh and start actually helping.

If by gullible you mean I prefer to believe that OP’s have the right to be believed until the evidence presents itself that they’re not genuine, then yes absolutely. Otherwise what is the point of MN. If we don’t have faith in what the OP is telling us then we’re just shouting into the void. But here, because the OP hasn’t said things in exactly the way posters want and has updated to put things into perspective and a time line, the assumption is she must have been lying to start with. It’s batshit. MN used to be supportive. Not any more. Threads like these attract so many posters whose only intention is to put the boot in. Something very prevalent here if you care to look.

I find the child maintenance service baffling , my daughter was awarded 🤣£25 per week for each of her children , he stopped paying after a few years and like many women she gave up and struggled for years to provide for the children and would not have coped if we her parents had not funded a lot of expenses for her! So frustrating I think he just copped out of being a parent . Yet here is dad who wants to pay but still afford to live , the system needs overhauling!

But you've stated out and out lies, that's not an 'opinion', it's just lies.

Exactly another ‘dad’ trying to dodge paying for the kids he chose to have

The OP is an enabler who is enabling her lazy son

In order to get arrears he will have not paid when he should have. Arrears do not build when unemployed or not earning. Therefore, he has dodged his responsibilities. That’s a fact.

Irrelevant that he was sectioned? How on earth is it irrelevant? He had no income.

What’s irrelevant ? The facts ? He’s not trying to sidestep his responsibility. If you read the updates he misread his payslip and panicked. If anything his ex has made her kids poorer - he was paying £600 before she went to CMS, now it’s £450. And if you think the CMS have no powers to make life difficult, think again. They can empty your bank account in one hit to pay back arrears as long as they leave £55 in the account. And they don’t need a court order to do it. They’ve already put this man six months in arrears simply because of the time they took to work out what he needed to pay.

No it isn’t. He was in hospital for three months - no income, no obligation to pay. The CMS took six months to work out what he needed to pay - they are the only reasons he is in arrears. Six months arrears. Paid off at £300 a month. The ignorance is staggering.

that good they are using their power to claim what children are owed.
in the circumstances that this family seem to be in, it’s probably best that the cms are involved and its not an informal arrangement. This is the safest and fairest way for all of them.

For goodness sake, have you not read ANY of OP's updates at all? She has addressed this ffs.

he couldn't pay January, February or March as he didn't get paid until April after he worked for some of March and April, he went to pay in the April and she told him not to bother as she had gone through the cms

So yes he didn't get the letter until August stating what he was to pay. In an ideal world he would have put the money aside but instead:
During the time between February and August he had to buy a car to get to work pay a deposit on his rented home so he can show the court that he is able to have the children

When he knew he wasn’t paying and the cms were working out his contribution he could have put it in a savings account ready for when it’s was needed.

Wait, I thought you were leaving? That was quick

I would advise him to speak to the payroll department of his workplace whenever I have had to deduct CMS payments the employee has always been allowed to keep a portion of there wages usually called protected earnings and back pay is usually collected over a number of weeks

Am I the only person who feels sorry for OP’s son? Hes in mental health crisis and clearly cannot afford these unreasonable CMS payments.

the terrible miscalculations by CMS and the damage it causes has been covered by the BBC and a panorama program - OP is most likely being truthful

Cross posted and have just clicked on ‘hide thread’ to stop updates. No point shouting into the void. Have a nice day and enjoy the rest of the thread - I’m confident it’ll go the full forty pages despite the fact OP has left. Can’t say I blame her.

There's lot's of people on the thread who are in support of OP's son. It's just a few very vocal posters make it seem not.

That's largely on you tbh and I've seen it several times before. You just take over and you just won't stop until you've had the last word. So go on...

And because seemingly regards Mumsnet as a full time 7 day a week job…. Generally
does get the last word in because everyone else leaves the thread.