AIBU to worry CMS deductions could push my son into crisis?

[Wokeuptired]

My son split from his ex almost 2 years ago, they have 2 children together and 1 child that my son brought up as his own, their was lots of drama in the relationship and his ex was very demanding, my son paid her maintenence every month and paid for other things for her like the sky bill and some h/p goods, at the end of last year my son took a very serious attempt at taking his own life and he got sectioned, he obviously couldn't work but his ex was still demanding money from him, In March he got his old job back but he had to save for a deposit and furniture as well as pay for prescriptions food fuel to get to work, he was around £200 short each month and we helped him out with that, during this time his ex refused to let him see the children and he has not seen them since January, he had an upcoming court case to get to see them, as the eldest isn't his biologically he had to get a lawyer to help him as he wants her included.
Now the CMS are involved and they have taken £1700 out of his wages this is £700 for the month and £1000 in back pay as they calculated this from December last year, this leaves my son with around £500 after tax, he can't live on £500 as he can't even cover his rent with that, he has just got himself sorted financially but still owes money.
He doesn't know what he can do as he has phoned CMS and they said it has to be that amount and he explained the situation.
He has been to his boss to see what can be done and if he leaves this job he will break his contract with them and they won't employ him again, he can't go part time and then do work on the side to make the money up.
He just can't afford to work, it's ridiculous as he doesn't want to go on benefits as he also pointed out that it won't help his mental health.
What can he do?
I'm just so worried that he is going to try and end his life again as this seems like a no win situation.

I would say he needs a year for him to get back on his feet to then re - start the CMS.

A year to get back on his feet would benefit him however it doesn’t work like that and you can pick and choose when to pay CMS.

It’s unfortunate but he really should have been putting the correct amount to one side every month while he was waiting for the cms application to go through. The backlog is his responsibility to clear.

The numbers are wrong. The CMS cannot take that much out and leave him with nothing.

I speak from personal experience having dealt with them for 3 years and ended up in court where the numbers were thrown out.

What you need to do is 1) ascertain exactly how much he should be paying a month. That’s easy to do on the calculator and reconcile that against what they say. 2) reconcile the arrears and agree a repayment plan.

Things must have been going on a while if they have resorted to taking it directly.

Tell him he needs to not bury his head in the and and fight the injustice. These numbers are just plain wrong and there have been many dads driven to suicide by the CMS and wrong deductions.

There are a number of forums including separated dads that he can get support from.

100% he needs to pay the right amount - but this is clearly not the right amount.

he couldn't pay January, February or March as he didn't get paid until April after he worked for some of March and April, he went to pay in the April and she told him not to bother as she had gone through the cms

Good job these kids didnt need feeding, clothing, heating or housing during those months then🙄

OP - I would say he needs a year for him to get back on his feet to then re - start the CMS

if he works, he can make child maintenance payments. That's non-negotiable. If he is still very unwell and giving up work is an option, that is his decision to make.

I believe that CMS should take the NRPs outgoings into consideration.

A few of my friends and family members were encouraging me to go down the CMS route when my ex and I split. I just didn’t see the point. He pays me what he can afford while still being able to live comfortably, just like I do.

Why on earth would I want my children to have a stressed, depressed father with no quality of life?!

Our split was very amicable but even if I hated him, I still wouldn’t want that for my children.

Quite!

Finally, some practical non censorious suggestions

Yes and I didn’t say it was a cold, I was on his side with that…

Move back in with her and get relationship counselling. When you split up your usually just trading one problem for another as has happened here.

Nah because believe it or not lots of shitty dads out there would do anything possible not to pay CM so they’d find ways to abuse this. Things like renting a house they can’t really afford, getting a stupid lease hire car, getting into debt on purpose.

Would you want to move someone back in to your home with your children who had very recently been sectioned?

He doesn't have to pay anything for the child that it is not his.

If he’s getting stopped too much, then contact a solicitor and/orCMS.

CMS should always be the first thing a non-resident parent pays for, ahead of all other expenses. I’m not saying that’s the law, I’m saying morally.

If he didn’t get paid for several months, surely that meant he got a lump sum when he did get paid? Most of that should have gone to make up his CMS payments. What did his children’s mother do for money during those months? Surely she’s run up debt trying to cope without it?

Thank goodness the CMS is doing its job in this case and actually getting back payments from a Dad who doesn’t want to pay.

You’re saying he needs 9 months to get back on his feet, but his kids need feeding etc in those months.

He stopped paying because he had been sectioned.

The shitty dads do this anyway with the current system. My own dad was one of them! For a man that ‘only worked 12 hours a week’ he didn’t see us much, he also went on an awful lot of holidays and was always going out for drives in his fancy cars… 😂

If you take the case with my ex, you’d think he’d have a greater income than me. He’s in an NHS band 5 role, I’m an NHS band 3.
However, he’s not getting his income topped with universal credit, or getting a council tax reduction, or receiving the children benefit, or living in a HA home with extremely low rent like I am. I’m not paying a £200 a year registration fee for my job like he is, or paying for carers for my elderly parent like he is. This is what bothers me about CMS, none of this is taken into account. Say he reduced CM by £300, I’d be fine. I’d manage. If I requested £300 a month more from him, that’d be him fucked.

So the cms calculator based on a take home of £1700, gives a CMS payment of £313.26 a month (£372 for 3 children) so you might want to first check the base payment - and that CMS have his correct salary.

Assuming he worked March- August without paying thats 6 months which would give a backpayment of £209 (£248) if they've split it over 9 months. So again check what CMS have as his salary. They also needs to take the third child off the claim as she is not his responsibility legally unless he adopted her?

Beyond that I would also advise that you look at Universal Credot as with that wage and rent payment he might be entitled to a top up....

Key missing info - what the split re children?

But surely this depends on how often he sees his kids too? If you’re receiving the benefits, I’m assuming you have the children far more than he does so have more outgoings as a result. He should get council tax reduction if he lives alone.

Exactly

A LOT of missing info

Which he’s been using to set himself up in a home so that he can have contact with his children - a condition set by the courts. Also purchased a car to be a let to get to and from work. Any idea what it takes to come back from the kind of trauma this man has experienced, and start again ?

Hardball because she wants the maintenance that she is due? There's no thought for her who has the children completely solo, she has had to explain to them why they suddenly couldn't see daddy. By the sounds of it he was just going to her house to see the children and if he did any cleaning whilst there, it was "for her", not because he wasn't actually taking any if the load, by having the children, he needed to pitch in somehow. The third child probably isn't on the claim. Since people have said his decision is wrong and the OP wanted to see the paperwork, all of a sudden, he isn't having the money taken off him.
He has MH issues the ex is safeguarding her children by going through the CMS and court.

so he needs his own home so he can facilitate having his children again and this is what the social worker involved in the case has advised him.

so it isn’t the ex keeping the children from him as per during this time his ex refused to let him see the children and he has not seen them since January,

social workers are extensively involved and controlling his access

What lump sum - he had no job between January and March because he was in hospital. How is a lump sum payable when you’re not earning ? He got his job back in March. The lump sum he owes is the arrears built up in CMS between march and now, which is the time CMS took to work things out and let him know what he should be paying. There is absolutely nowhere on this thread that OP is saying he shouldn’t pay for his kids. His ex has actually shot herself in the foot by going to CMS. He was voluntarily paying her £600 a month before that, and the actual CMS is now £450. So his kids have lost out because of her vindictiveness.

The children’s mother works. She’s the resident parent so she claims child benefit. If she wasn’t working she would claim UC which would pay an amount for her kids. Nobody is starving here, or running up debt.

Which is what I would expect after him being sectioned. Any safeguarding issue needs to be addressed.