AIBU to worry CMS deductions could push my son into crisis?

[Wokeuptired]

My son split from his ex almost 2 years ago, they have 2 children together and 1 child that my son brought up as his own, their was lots of drama in the relationship and his ex was very demanding, my son paid her maintenence every month and paid for other things for her like the sky bill and some h/p goods, at the end of last year my son took a very serious attempt at taking his own life and he got sectioned, he obviously couldn't work but his ex was still demanding money from him, In March he got his old job back but he had to save for a deposit and furniture as well as pay for prescriptions food fuel to get to work, he was around £200 short each month and we helped him out with that, during this time his ex refused to let him see the children and he has not seen them since January, he had an upcoming court case to get to see them, as the eldest isn't his biologically he had to get a lawyer to help him as he wants her included.
Now the CMS are involved and they have taken £1700 out of his wages this is £700 for the month and £1000 in back pay as they calculated this from December last year, this leaves my son with around £500 after tax, he can't live on £500 as he can't even cover his rent with that, he has just got himself sorted financially but still owes money.
He doesn't know what he can do as he has phoned CMS and they said it has to be that amount and he explained the situation.
He has been to his boss to see what can be done and if he leaves this job he will break his contract with them and they won't employ him again, he can't go part time and then do work on the side to make the money up.
He just can't afford to work, it's ridiculous as he doesn't want to go on benefits as he also pointed out that it won't help his mental health.
What can he do?
I'm just so worried that he is going to try and end his life again as this seems like a no win situation.

Spectacularly insensitive reply to a mother whose son has attempted suicide.

The figures don't match what the CMS calculator estimates at all.
If he is earning £26750 before tax, and paying for two children, it says he should be paying £97.92 per week or £424 a month.
If he's earning £2800, it should be £103.46 a week or £448 a month.
That's assuming that they never stay with him.
Maintenance and contact are separate things, and one shouldn't depend on the other.
He should NOT be paying for the 3rd child. It'd be interesting to know if the mum's ever received maintenance from that child's father.

Hard Agree

Have you read the full thread ? Updates ? Later comments ? It wasn’t a ‘story’ it was a mistake which has now been straightened out. And in this case the ex and her kids are poorer for it because the CMS calculation is less than he was paying voluntarily.

There shouldn't be much arrears child maintenance starts from the date you apply not the date the children were born my ex stopped paying me directly eventually I went to child maintenance they said they could do nothing prior to the date I applied

There are a few of them. Usually alongside a spectacular reading comprehension fail.

Agree

Well this is a mess and I can see both sides. From her perspective she was left without CM for months so likely struggled to get by. Of course he was in hospital so out of work but I think in those circumstances people usually get sick pay or benefits to cover bills - non? CMS take a really nominal amount from benefits, like £7 a week or something paltry but still something. I can see why she found it difficult, she’d come to rely on his CM to pay her bills, buy their DC clothing and food etc.

Having said that, she shouldn’t be weaponising the children by insisting he can’t see them because he was sick and didn’t pay CM when he was jobless. He’s right to take her to court. Easy to say in hindsight but someone should have called CMS on his behalf when he was in hospital to explain the situation. Unsure if they’d still have added the arrears on if they’d have been informed. From their angle, it looks like he just stopped paying for months.

OP was honest. When she said she had read the paperwork she was referring to the CMS paperwork. Which was correct. DS made the mistake on his payslip, which OP hadn’t seen. She has clarified several times. Reading the updates helps.

Just another poster desperate to put the boot in and cause extra stress to a mother trying to do her best for her suicidal son. So glad you are nowhere near my children with your empathy bypass.

she shouldn’t be weaponising the children by insisting he can’t see them because he was sick

It wasn’t a cold.

He attempted suicide and was sectioned . I would not want my children to have anything more than limited supervised access until I was sure that therapy had been sought, engaged with and mental health much improved

Why do you think it’s in his childrens’ best interests for him not to see them ? Why do you consider him a risk ? He attempted suicide and was sectioned. He’s back working and contributing now. You’re making huge assumptions that anyone in DS’s position is unfit to be around children, which is simply not the case and more than a little ignorant to suggest. You also seem to have completely missed that the courts are happy for him to have access as soon as he has secured his own home. His access wasn’t stopped because he was a risk to the children - it was stopped naturally because he was in hospital.

OP was completely honest.

Agree. The reading comprehension on the thread is pathetic. And so many people not bothering to read the updates before they comment. Seriously what is the point of having a ‘see all’ button on the OP if nobody uses it. It just derails the thread because the same details are being gone over repeatedly.

He didn't refuse to pay. His ex told him that she was going through CMS and they caused the delay while working out the calculations. Silly ex should have just kept it informal. She will be getting less money now than she was before because OP's son was paying over and above the required amount, and CMS take a cut from both parties when they get involved.

By christ there's some serious fantasising going on on this thread. People pronouncing they know exactly what the OP said and meant. Berating anyone with a different perspective. Embellishing what was already inaccurate information from the OP. So tedious and predictable. Same old posters, same old schtick.

Agree. To be honest I did think about asking MN to look at this post, but in view of what’s come to light since this baseless vitriol was posted I think it’s better to let it stand so that the poster can be seen for what they are. The empathy bypass is actually a recurring theme throughout the thread - mainly because a lot of posters haven’t understood what they’re reading or can’t be arsed to read the updates before they post.

Nope. The problem is that lots of posters are shooting their mouths off without reading the updates and then trying to back track by accusing the OP of being dishonest. Those who’ve read the thread properly and understood the issues don’t need to pronounce anything - it’s all there.

One in particular

Shuffles off eventually. Exhausted no doubt from yet another day arguing on Mn

It’s got to pathetic levels now. Sectioned under the mental health act and hospitalised is ‘insisting he can’t see them because he was sick’. OK then.

@Wokeuptired
You also said he had spoken to CMS and the refused to reduce the payments… that conversation obviously never happened, right? If he had spoken to them then he’d have found out that they did not take £700 plus another £1000. So, you made up your whole post. What was the point in telling us he had spoken to them and they refused to help and telling us that you’d read the paperwork and the figures were correct.

What accurate advice can you get when you just tell lies?

The numbers don’t add up anyway, but he’s already considering leaving his job or going to part time and doing to work on the side to avoid paying? Nice.

It’s a public forum - am I not just as entitled to my opinion as anyone else ?

Go for it

No lies have been told so far as my reading of OP's posts can tell. The DS can easily have called CMS and still come away believing that his financial worries were insurmountable. Either because he didn't understand what was being communicated to him or, as is often the case, because the call handler didn't understand what the DS was trying to explain and gave incorrect answers. I have had dealings with CMS on behalf of clients and can assure you that even with the most clued up person on the line (me!) telling them what's happened and what needs to be done to put it right, it takes an iron will, and sometimes many calls, to get the matter resolved satisfactorily.