AIBU to tell my neighbour’s Year 6 child to stop walking to school with us?

[Msjamtoast]

I have two children, one in Year 4 and one in Reception. Every morning I walk them to school.
For the past two weeks, a neighbour’s Year 6 child has been coming along with us every morning. Our children know each other and sometimes play together locally, but the parents and I have never actually spoken. When the children play together, the parents don’t usually come out, so we’ve never met or had any arrangement about walking to school together.
The child told my Year 4 child that his mum had said it was dangerous for him to walk to school alone and that he should walk with us.
I’m uncomfortable with this. I’m already responsible for my two children, including a Reception child, and I don’t want to take responsibility for another family’s child.
If his parents feel he isn’t safe walking to school alone, I feel they should make their own arrangements rather than relying on us.
Would you tell the child he needs to make his own arrangements, or just let him continue walking with us?
Has anyone else experienced something similar with a neighbour’s child joining your school run?

Definitely speak to the parents rather than the child. He may be covering for uninterested parents and then it would be a shame to stop him walking with you if he feels safer

What did I just read?! That OP should tell the poor kid thst he's not allowed to walk on the same pavement in the same direction as OP and her kids at the same time as them? Or she will get him into trouble at school? She doesn't own the pavement! And if she has a pop at him for chatting to her kids that would be just nasty.

Just to be clear, does he actually cause a problem on the walk (is he cheeky or a pain or argues with your kids or whatever). Or is it just a feeling of responsibility for him you don't like?

If he is polite and friendly on the walk I would let him join. I mean, what is the alternative - turn and snarl at him and forbid him to be near you?

Just make it clear to him if he mentions anything that you aren't responsible for him if anything happens.

I think it's quite sweet that he wants to walk with your younger child, to be fair. And nice for your kid to have a friend in an older year group. Providing he is a nice kid and a decent role model.

A 10 year old likes and wants to walk to school with your child.
The child is old enough to be responsible for himself, the only person who has said your responsibility for him is you.
What are you going to do force him to walk 3 paces behind or in front of you or does he have to cross to the over side of the road?

DS1 would have thought I had lost the plot if I told his friend to politely fuck off.

It's pretty poor.

And how does that ensure they are walked in? I used to drop mine off at back gate and could see her go in by time id turned that car. But no way of school knowing id down that and she hadn't walked

Do let us know how the chat with the child's Mum, goes. You could explain that the walk to school is often a time your children open up and talk to you but they don't when this other kid is around so it's having an impact.

If it was me, I'd offer to help now and again (and then probably regret it!) but explain that I'd need her to check with me first (rather than just letting him run out to catch up with us).

Looking forward to the update!

This must be fairly new. My kids used to meet at school gate. Well younger 2. Eldest walked herself home from year 4 ( school was 3 mins walk rather than across town)

I would definitely clarify with the neighbour why the child feels he needs to walk with you. And if you want the time to chat with your 2, then be honest and say that you don't mind once or twice a week but that you also enjoy having that time to chat heart to heart with your children.
I live in Switzerland and children are encouraged to walk alone to school from the age of 5, so they all collect each other on snap groups on the way to school and the mum network is strong. As they sometimes start at 7.30 it is nice that they walk together in the dark 🙈

Kids have a way of interpreting things and explaining them in a way that sounds different to adults than it does in their heads.

His parents probably told him to take a specific route because there will be other families around and there will be safety in numbers and people he can chat to rather than "go with that specific family'

But even so, unless it's time you get with your children that you treasure because you don't get much else, then I don't really see what your problem is.

The child could have made it up.

Or maybe that is exactly what the parent DID say. Either way it is causing absolutely no issue for the child to be walking along with them apart from OP's weird hang up about being responsible (which no one has asked her to be). The alternative is to tell the child that they can't walk with them any more which is terrible role modelling for her own kids and also just really mean. But at least it will teach those other parents a lesson, eh?

Does he walk in on his own if you never pass the house? I wonder how he's going to get on next September when presumably he will be moving into secondary school.

Why is it a weird hangup to feel responsible? The majority of comments criticising OP are about precisely that, that she should accept responsibility for the boy’s safety

I think I would do as others have said and knock on the door and talk to the mum.
Say there seems to be some miscommunication and her son has said he has been told he has to walk with you for safety reasons but no one has told you that. I would focus on this being a concern and that you aren't willing to be the supervising adult.

He will probably take the bus or walk there.

the neighbour's child is in Y4, he wouldn't be allowed to go alone with a Y6 as suggested in the post I am replying to

How far is the walk? Is the walk busy with people? Does the child seem like a pretty reasonable, intelligent for a year 6 or is he backward or silly in some way?

It all seems odd. I mean no absolutely if the child is only allowed to walk on his own because you are there, then you should have been asked to take him and mum should be taking her himself if you said no, or not every morning,

However a year 6 not being allowed to walk on their own is odd unless his general awareness/behaviour is markedly backward for his age. My son started walking in year 4 when his dad and I both had covid (school knew and were ok with it, and it was 4 mins door to door.) By year 5 and into year 6, many of the kids walked alone and it was very normal. It's almost stranger if this kid is only allowed to walk alone because you are there.

I also wonder could there have been misunderstanding like maybe the kid is a little weary of walking by themselves and mum has said it's busy out there with lots of other mums and kiddo has interpreted that as "cling to a particular other mum"?

This!!!!!

sorry but your walking to school to same way. What do you want him to do leave 2 mins later than you and walk behind you. You say you haven’t spoken to the parents so how do you know he is told to walk with you.
This really isn’t a big deal! And if this really is the worst thing in your life you may want to check yourself.

I will not be walking with you. You are free to walk by yourself, but I will not be taking responsibility for you. And yes to the school say you feel harassed and put in a position where it is assumed that you are taking responsibility.

The point is the assumption of responsibility. The kid is free to walk at any time but if they are harassing you to walk with you because the parents don't want to take responsibility, I'd absolutely say it because otherwise you could end up with problem.

I wouldn’t have wanted a random neighbourhood kid tagging along on our school run walks. It was some of our best time together for chatting and I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else ruining that.

I get it. I wouldn’t want to take on the extra responsibility of another child early morning, it’s just another thing to think about. It would also irk me that the parent hasn’t spoken to me. Are you sure the parent knows about it? I’d be curious to know what happens if your kids stay home one day. Does he walk home with you as well?

The OP hasn't given any suggestion of harassment. The boy is a friend of her children.

Fair enough but OP hasn't said that, she's worried about being held responsible for any problems.

Yep that’s the other element to it, but your post I was responding to said “let him tag along” - valuable family time is another reason not to want this.