AIBU to tell my neighbour’s Year 6 child to stop walking to school with us?

[Msjamtoast]

I have two children, one in Year 4 and one in Reception. Every morning I walk them to school.
For the past two weeks, a neighbour’s Year 6 child has been coming along with us every morning. Our children know each other and sometimes play together locally, but the parents and I have never actually spoken. When the children play together, the parents don’t usually come out, so we’ve never met or had any arrangement about walking to school together.
The child told my Year 4 child that his mum had said it was dangerous for him to walk to school alone and that he should walk with us.
I’m uncomfortable with this. I’m already responsible for my two children, including a Reception child, and I don’t want to take responsibility for another family’s child.
If his parents feel he isn’t safe walking to school alone, I feel they should make their own arrangements rather than relying on us.
Would you tell the child he needs to make his own arrangements, or just let him continue walking with us?
Has anyone else experienced something similar with a neighbour’s child joining your school run?

“it costs you nothing.”

except it costs her invaluable one-on-one (one on two?!) time chatting with her kids, if that’s what she enjoys. That’s not something I would’ve given up when mine were primary age.

I really don't get how people are missing that the other child's mum has allegedly told the child to walk with them because it's dangerous. This isn't an older child with his parent's blessing to walk to and from school alone or with others. The mum is literally giving her son the message that he needs to stick with this family - implying that they will look out for him - all without any discussion with them.
It's likely there will be no issues, but if God forbid, the OP is busy with her own kids and this boy gets hit by a car - there definitely will be people that will point the finger at her, maybe even the boy's parents. 'But he always walks with you so why weren't you paying attention?' etc.
Humans are both entitled and quick to apportion blame unfortunately!
I'd have a quick chat with her along the lines of, 'Hes okay to be unsupervised right? And the school know? My focus can only fully just manage my two, one's only four so you understand what they're like at that age...'

Literally no one would hold the op responsible for this.

They definitely shouldn't, but yes, it is entirely possible, sadly.
I mean, I'm sure nothing will happen and everyone will get to school safely - but personally I would double check with the mum that he is safe to make his own way and the school know, as it's everyday AND because of what the mum said about danger.

However, his mum apparently wants him to walk with us for safety reasons, while she stays at home.

If that's what she actually said rather than his interpretation of it, she's a CF.

Patronising much?

I used to only be able to walk my kids to/from school twice a week as I worked the other days. Obviously we spent a lot of quality time together at weekends and after school on those two days but random chats we’d have on the way/to from school are still precious memories for me now they’re teenagers.

Maybe you just don’t have that much fun with your children on your walk to school?! Some people do.

This is the crux of the situation. The op has not agreed to take responsibility for this stranger's child but would undoubtedly be held accountable if an accident occurred on the way to school.

I used to be constantly driving neighbour's kids to school with mine, and usually had 2 extras in the holidays if I took mine anywhere. It takes a village etc etc. What do you think is going to happen? Do you live in a dangerous traffic or crime area?

For goodness sake. You can't stop the child walking along the same pavement at the same time and to the same destination as you.

That's really sweet of you, but you would have arranged this with the parents so quite different. My old neighbours sometimes would ask me to walk their son back from school - not a problem, we were neighbourly with each other and they asked.

What a reflection on where we are as a society that rather than a simple act of generosity to a child, negative feelings towards the parents predominate. Certainly the parents should have said something. I would be knocking on their door to ask them what they had in mind (taking the word of an 11-year old bring unwise) but I would be pleased to be given a chance to help a neighbour.

He’s in Year 6, not reception. I’d have no problem with him chumming us along, if it didn’t affect our timings.

I know. What an absolute misery the OP must be.

But it sounds like they are tagging on, not just walking in the same direction as many other families surely are too.
The fact they only appear out of the house when they appear suggests they have been told to walk with them. It would be interesting to see what happened if OP wasn't going that day. When would they realise this and would they then walk the boy to school, find another family for him to tag onto or would they leave him to go alone?

I think it's rude that it sounds like they expect him to be part of their group but not to have said anything, even a casual word about Zack is going to start walking to school on his own now. If you could just keep an eye out for us it would be appreciated.

So you’re going to tell a 10 year old he can’t walk with you? Whats he going to do lag behind a few steps? Honestly I don’t see the issue myself and wouldn’t have a problem with it. You clearly have a problem, so speak to the parents, not the child.

How will you explain the banning of this boy to your own children, op? Do you think they’ll see your point of view? What will they learn from this?

I grew up as an estate kid and that's what normal people did, we all mucked in, everyone knew each other. That's how I wanted to live too. I lived in social housing with some very shitty parents, it's not the kid's fault. My neighbour's didn't have cars so their kids never went anywhere in the holidays. I find this post completely alien. I would not care if a kid tagged along walking to school, that's sweet that they want to. Imagine being told you're not wanted as 10 year old, that's just cruel.

Year 6 is probably ok to walk alone to school. If he is just tagging along then what is the issue?
No one is going to hold you accountable.
You could leave a little earlier maybe or kbock on his door and ask his mother outright

It seems a bit mean to tell this child not to walk with you if he isn't any trouble. Maybe he could walk four paces behind.

I do get where you are coming from. The parent should really ask you before instructing their child to join you. However, if he/she is polite and doesn't cause a problem, I would just go along with it (since you don't own the road and it is realistically only a year) but maybe say to the mum "I've noticed X joins us, that's fine but just to be clear my plans are fluid and so I wouldn't want you or him/her to rely on me". That's probably enough to let them know that you are not responsible for him/her.

When I was a child, children would walk to school on their own from the age of 8 but some children had more active/involved parents and others didn't and there was always a certain amount of picking up parental stuff for the less involved parents - that's life to an extent. But I do get that some parents do get other people to bat their balls rather more than others and as you haven't volunteered for this then it might feel a bit of an imposition. However, if something did happen (he gets injured by a bus) would you realistically get involved? I certainly hope so. It is unlikely on a school run to ever become an issue - some things I'd let go of and this is one of them.

I dont see your problem, yr6 I'm assuming is nearly 11 years of age. He's fine. Year 2/3 /4 I might be speaking with the parents . Loosen up a little . Its nice he wants to mix with the little ones . Not many of that age would

This could be an opportunity for you both to divide and conquer. You could speak to the mum and suggest you each take it in turns to take all three kids.

This post is why I'm glad I don't have to have anything to do with school mums anymore.
YABU. Let the poor kid walk alongside you .

Her own child takes himself to school, why on earth would she do that?

This is probably one of the few situations like this where I wouldn't be bothered. They aren't asking you to rock up and wait for him to get ready (one of the main reasons I never agreed to, or expected anyone else to, help with school runs), and he's highly unlikely to actually require 'watching' as he's yr6. He's ready on time and he gets on with your child.

If it's bothering you though, yes it's the parents you should speak to. The child will probably take it personally either way, unfortunately.