AIBU to tell my neighbour’s Year 6 child to stop walking to school with us?

[Msjamtoast]

I have two children, one in Year 4 and one in Reception. Every morning I walk them to school.
For the past two weeks, a neighbour’s Year 6 child has been coming along with us every morning. Our children know each other and sometimes play together locally, but the parents and I have never actually spoken. When the children play together, the parents don’t usually come out, so we’ve never met or had any arrangement about walking to school together.
The child told my Year 4 child that his mum had said it was dangerous for him to walk to school alone and that he should walk with us.
I’m uncomfortable with this. I’m already responsible for my two children, including a Reception child, and I don’t want to take responsibility for another family’s child.
If his parents feel he isn’t safe walking to school alone, I feel they should make their own arrangements rather than relying on us.
Would you tell the child he needs to make his own arrangements, or just let him continue walking with us?
Has anyone else experienced something similar with a neighbour’s child joining your school run?

How do school police that? Do they only release a child to the parents at the end of the school day, similar to how they do it in early years?

I always took my children to and from school but from year 3 they walked in from the school gate alone and met me there at the end of the day.

He is essentially old enough to walk to school alone but feels safer in your company and is friends with your children. If you are not obliged to wait for him ect then It wouldn’t bother me but at the same time I think the parents should at least introduce themselves. That is rude and would annoy me.

What happens if the child does stop at a shop or stops to talk to other kids or walks on the road on a dozen other things. Do you tell them not to? Do you wait for them and are all late? How do you feel if you leave them behind? I would want rules of engagement with the parents so you don't feel morally responsible for the safety of their child.

Try reading what I wrote.

How on earth can you stop him from being there? Unless you walk another route he can do whatever he wants on the public road. As you have no idea what his parents actually said and no way to stop him I’d just let it go. I wouldn’t think you’d ignore a hurt child who was or wasn’t known to you anyway so it’s no real difference. You do what you’re going to do, don’t wait for him or anything, and he’ll do whatever he wants. It won’t last forever anyway.

Had another child's parent approached me and said that their child was just starting to walk to school on their own and would I mind if they walked around the same time as us for first few weeks of term so they could build up some confidence and independence whilst having a familiar adult around I would happily do so. I'd pass on the time I'd usually leave at and say I'd keep an eye out and try to catch up with them or wait for them as long as it didn't mean we were going to be late.

I don't have much patience for others signing me up for obligations without asking in advance though. I would have a chat with the parents and ask what it is going on

If it’s worrying you, then have a word with the parents. Personally, it wouldn’t bother me unless my own children didn’t like the other child and their presence was causing drama or upset or anxiety. Or if the child was a bit of a rocket and likely to engage in dangerous behaviour, like hopping on and off the kerb on a busy road or climbing random stuff. Then I would feel responsible if anything happened to them. In my experience, the majority of children are grand though and just like the company.

Unless the child is a pain in the arse, you are being unreasonable. No wonder communities are decreasing.

In law you have no responsibility for the child and unless there is poor behaviour/language or some other unpleasantness, I would do nothing. This wouldn't bother me at all.

I wouldn’t have an issue with a friend of my children’s walking along with us, if we are all going to the same place. Unless he’s being naughty or disruptive, there would be no problem for me at all. Just seems nice community minded thing to do.

I agree, it would have been polite for the parents just to ask you if that's okay, and I guess maybe that's what you probably find the most frustrating about this, the lack of courtesy from the parents. As long as they're not annoying, I don't see any issues with them walking with your kids. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

The DC tagging along wouldn't necessarily bother me to much, it's if it's true what they told your DC about their DM saying that it's dangerous to walk on their own so to walk with you that i'd have a problem with.

Mainly in that the neighbour hasn't had the decency to come round and ask if I'd mind being responsible for her DC getting to school safely and not being given the choice as to whether I'd want that responsibility or not.

You shouldn't have to be the one knocking on anyone's door, you're not the one expecting the neighbour to see to your DC getting to school safely, you take them yourself don't be doing the running around knocking doors, mention to the DC that you'd like his mum to pop round so she can verify what they said, don't be part of letting the entitled out there dictate what they think you should and shouldn't be doing.

Can you leave 5 minutes before you usually do so you don’t see him? Or 5 mins later?

The schools in our area only release a child to their parents/guardians unless they have the written permission from the parent that they can walk home alone. Written permission is only an option for Years 5 and 6. So to answer the question, a Year 4 child will not be released unless a parent is there.

You could point out that you can't be responsible for the child and that in any event you can't guarantee that you will be walking every day. I don't think you really need to do any more than that. It's not as if you are entitled to stop him walking to school at the same time as you do.

I would too
you need to go and speak to them and say that you are not a walking childminder and it is their responsibility to take their child to school.

That's exactly how they do it. They don't let the child out unless a parent or an other named adult it there to pick them up.

I would knock on the parents door and check what they have said to him

To be honest, Most schoolsare suggesting the child walks to school by themselves if they are local to school When they are in year six

How long is the walk? Are we talking five minutes or 30 minutes?

And more importantly, it’s a child nice good polite

If he is nice enough for your child to play with him sometimes then I don’t see the issue in walking together if he’s a nice polite child

It is probably a new thing walking to school alone and dc probably truncated the message

Eg mum says, “it’s safest to walk on familiar routes where you might see people you know. Be extra careful crossing that busy road. If you see Billy and his mum, you could cross with them.”

I wouldn’t make a big deal of it. I’m sure it won’t be long before the kid is confident and doesn’t need you.

You aren’t “responsible”.

If you see the kid literally can’t cross a road on his own, or has stepped out dangerously, have a word with his mum. Otherwise just let him tag along.

It's not parental laziness to let your child walk to school on their own.

I wouldn't say anything, OP, unless your children don't like the other child.

The child could be worried about doing the walk on his own for various reasons.

I wouldn’t let it bother me, but I would prioritise care of my own DC and just view him as a hanger on.

As PP pointed out, if you saw any child about to get run over or fallen over, you would help them surely? It’s not really any different to that.

She wants to walk her own kids to school, not someone else's.

really don't see what the problem is.

I'd find that unacceptable and rude. You're being treated as a de facto childminder with no agreement or reciprocity. In my area I'd dodge it by altering our walking route/time but that might be harder in some areas where there's only one possible route.

Just knock on the door and talk to the parents! Say you’re worried because of what the kid said about the walk being dangerous and that he needs to walk with you. You can be nice about it and say whilst it’s nice to occasionally bump him to him, because he’s a lovely boy, you cannot be responsible for his safety because you have 2 younger ones to look after nor can you guarantee what time you leave or what happens when the kids are off sick. So he needs to be ‘walking alone’ (and really Y6 should be old enough unless there’s something unusual about your route) or with a parent if they don’t feel he’s ready yet. I wouldn’t say anything directly to the kid though. It’s not his fault that his parents have told him to do this.