AIBU to tell my neighbour’s Year 6 child to stop walking to school with us?

[Msjamtoast]

I have two children, one in Year 4 and one in Reception. Every morning I walk them to school.
For the past two weeks, a neighbour’s Year 6 child has been coming along with us every morning. Our children know each other and sometimes play together locally, but the parents and I have never actually spoken. When the children play together, the parents don’t usually come out, so we’ve never met or had any arrangement about walking to school together.
The child told my Year 4 child that his mum had said it was dangerous for him to walk to school alone and that he should walk with us.
I’m uncomfortable with this. I’m already responsible for my two children, including a Reception child, and I don’t want to take responsibility for another family’s child.
If his parents feel he isn’t safe walking to school alone, I feel they should make their own arrangements rather than relying on us.
Would you tell the child he needs to make his own arrangements, or just let him continue walking with us?
Has anyone else experienced something similar with a neighbour’s child joining your school run?

Noone has asked you to take responsibility for this child.
He probably feels safer walking along with you and if he’s kind to your children, what is the harm? Have you asked your kids if they’re happy he walks either way them or are they unbothered?

If you don’t want to have a conversation with the parents, what can you do other than leave earlier or later to try to avoid him. If the parents question you and ask where you are, then that’s them being cheeky to assume that you will always be there to take him.

However, y6 is when kids need to get independent for secondary school and it’s sad that people have no sense of community & can’t look out for each other.

I don’t understand what the problem is; he’s a kid and we should all be looking out for them.

But you are not responsible if there is no arrangement in place with his parents. I guess that he joins you if he sees you exactly when you are leaving the house; as there is no arrangement, you have no obligation of waiting for him or anything like that. I don't see the issue...it happenned to me the other day, without arrangement a kid that sometimes plays with my daughter joined us and walked with us, I don't see the harm really. I was not fully responsible for her as no arrangement in place, but if there was an emergency I would have helped her of course, as with any other kid in the street

I'd definitely be speaking to his parents about it.

I wouldn't have liked this as the school run was important for chatting to my own children.

The cheeky parent signed you up for walking her child to and from school without even having the manners to speak to you!

@Msjamtoast
Personally - I'd just make sure to mom that you are not responsible for him. And continued being a nice neighbour. It is good for your Y4 kid to have a friend on the street. And if the Y6 kid is generally well behaved - there is really no extra effort on your end that is required.
And there is a built-in benefit of your Y4 kid having someone to talk to closer to their age.

The awkwardness the "don't walk with us anymore" message that the poor Y6 kid receives is not worth it. It'll affect your Y4 kid who would lose a friend on the street. Why do that????

The child is what 10 or 11? I wouldn't have a problem with that, he would just be there behind or beside me/kids.

I think the issue stems from the feeling that his mum is sitting back having a coffee in her PJs while OP does the "school run" for her! I suppose that would annoy me a bit come to think about it!

How embarrassing for the Y6 kid

See this is my viewpoint but I feel it’s the minority and that we are supposed to feel mean for not accommodating this!

I work with kids all day. The time I walk to and from school with my own just us is precious. We talk about all kinds of things, random things like do robins go on holiday or anything that’s worrying him or what he might have for lunch at school.

I wouldn’t want to share any of that with another child tagging all with us, unless it was an occasional favour for a friend.

You need to talk to his parents. I see nothing wrong with him walking with you and your kids if he’s polite and he plays with them as you say he does. But as more of a spontaneous thing rather than have his parents told him to walk with you without actually discussing it with you? I would not say anything to him though. Maybe he’s just tagging along as his parents have said not to walk alone without finding a solution to that! Not really his fault.

Is the school run literally the only time you spend with your children? That’s quite sad.

I think the issue is even if you are not responsible for the child, when they are walking with you, you still feel responsible for them. It’s an extra pressure in the morning that you haven’t signed up to. I wouldn’t mind it occasionally but not every morning.

Its just another kid from your kids school who happens to live in your street and likes chatting to your kids on the way to school, so what? Stop making it something bigger than it is.

Even if it was the only time she spent with her children (even though that’s not what she is saying) why is that sad? Parents now have to work full time and rely on after school clubs ect, that time in the morning is important for both parents and children.

Presumably she has breakfast and dinner, bedtime, etc. with the kids? What sort of chat can only be done on the school run?

I really don't know what you can possibly do to stop it? You can't stop a child leaving their house at the same time as you and walking the same route as you?

Tricky one as a Y6 child is allowed to walk by themselves with parental agreement and if he walks near you, the air is free kind of thing. I think if you spoke to the parents, they will just deny saying that to him. I don't actually believe that they would let him walk on his own if they actually thought it was dangerous. He probably just want company? I am not saying that you should look after him or anything but I can't see what you can do really if he is just walking alongside you.

Walk slightly earlier, walk another route?

I wouldn’t like the presumption that the kid would walk us - clearly they are watching for OP leaving and dashing out to join her. This isn’t bumping into people on the way and falling in step to chat.

I also liked the walk to school as a time to chat. They are next to you (like in a car) so all sorts of stuff comes out as it’s non-confrontational and easier to unburden. I also found it a good time to run through number bonds and times tables, spellings, play word games and stuff like that.

We developed a hanger on a one point who would not stop talking and monopolised my attention all the way in and home. I felt sorry for him, but twice a day five days a week was simply too much so we started varying our route, doing jobs on the way in or home, walking with other friends until he barnacled on to someone else. It did feel very intrusive.

Aww I think it’s sweet. It sounds like he hasn’t got any friends he can walk with. A few of us would call for a friend on the way to school and we would walk together. He won’t need looking after anyway and it’s someone for your older child to talk to.

This is giving me huge flashbacks to when my mum would groan if we happened to bump into this one family that lived on our route to school 😂The boy was in my class and I didn't mind but she found the dad an awful bore.

I can see how this would be irritating if it's every day, but I also don't see how you can really stop it - it's a public road and you are going to the same destination.

Unless you want to go nuclear and ban him from walking with you (which would to be honest make you look a bit insane and unreasonable) I think this might be one to suck up.

What a drama, child walks same route to school as you and joins your group, so what?!? Not even an issue.

But you havent actually been asked to walk him so theres no problem? Child has probably just taken it on themself to tag on to you. If you dont want him to just tell him to go away. From your post it doesnt sound like you'd have any.problem saying that....

This. Return the child to his parents every time, knock in the door and say we can’t take him to school for you.

I'd be fine with it, but I like to think we live in a 'big village' and I like this kind of community thing.

Very cheeky of the parents though to not talk to you and talk it all through!!! Definitely think they have palmed him off and I completely get his aspect, it's off of them to not introduce themselves.

But this situation itself as it is with him tagging along with you, if he is well behaved, nice to your kids, no harm and in one year he will be at a different school anyway. We used to do lift shares at school with other kids and my kids take the school bus so we're used to going to school with others.