AIBU to tell my neighbour’s Year 6 child to stop walking to school with us?

[Msjamtoast]

I have two children, one in Year 4 and one in Reception. Every morning I walk them to school.
For the past two weeks, a neighbour’s Year 6 child has been coming along with us every morning. Our children know each other and sometimes play together locally, but the parents and I have never actually spoken. When the children play together, the parents don’t usually come out, so we’ve never met or had any arrangement about walking to school together.
The child told my Year 4 child that his mum had said it was dangerous for him to walk to school alone and that he should walk with us.
I’m uncomfortable with this. I’m already responsible for my two children, including a Reception child, and I don’t want to take responsibility for another family’s child.
If his parents feel he isn’t safe walking to school alone, I feel they should make their own arrangements rather than relying on us.
Would you tell the child he needs to make his own arrangements, or just let him continue walking with us?
Has anyone else experienced something similar with a neighbour’s child joining your school run?

To all those saying 'knock on the door' - what if both parents are at work?

Also, I would ask the y6 how old he is. I was put up 2 years when I was at primary school, so was in class with kids 2 years older than me. Of course I was unaware of this as a v young child, and was socially ostracized by my classmates because of being much less mature than they were. I would have loved a friend of the same age.....Is this going on? I do sympathise with the idea of having to look after 3 kids rather than 2, but your y4 is probably getting a lot of benefit from chatting to a child in a higher class every morning.

My year 6 started walking alone to school this term, but she’s quite sociable and was bored on her own after the first few weeks. So she’s walking with us now and younger DD’s friends.

Is he just being sociable?

I know I’m not up for anyone extra some mornings but he’s going your way anyway, so I don’t think you need to feel responsible

I wouldn’t be happy either. The school run is my time with my children.

Knock and and tell the parents hes fine tagging along but you wont be responsible for him if he veers off somewhere else or starts misbehaving. You and your children will walk straight on

Thank you for all the replies, everyone!
Just to add, his mum picks him up from school, so he doesn’t tag along with us on the way home.
We’ve actually tried leaving 5 minutes earlier or 5 minutes later to avoid him, but he lives on the same street as us. Every morning, he watches us leave and then runs out from his house to join us on the way to school. I have never waited for him or knocked on his door to ask him to come to school with us.
According to our school’s rules, children from Year 5 are allowed to walk to and from school by themselves, so he doesn’t need an adult to accompany him.
However, his mum apparently wants him to walk with us for safety reasons, while she stays at home. This is what her son has told my child, anyway.
I would better chat with his mum !

Major CF behaviour.
Putting you in charge without a conversation.

You knock on their door and TELL them that walking to school is your time to chat to your children and NOT supervise their child.

This is the height of entitlement.

If the child is too young to walk alone, it is for them to sort out, not to impose on you without a word.

If they don't respect what you say, talk to the school and involve safeguarding.

This is beyond the walking, this is about childcare being foisted on you without so much as two words being spoken.

They wouldn't do it to your husband, it's always women who have to deal with this type of CFxxkery.

Knock on their door and speak to the parents “Alfie says you’ve told him he needs to walk to school with us. Unfortunately I have my hands full with my own two as they’re much younger so I won’t be able to have him walk with us”.

Go round in the evening then? She doesn’t need to necessarily speak to them at school drop off time but a conversation should be had if the kid has been told the walk is dangerous and he must stick with OP. It’s not fair on her and it raises questions like what if OP’s not walking to school because the kids are sick or have the dentist or whatever.

If the parents are at work, she can go back and knock at other times when they're in.

Your situation of being put up 2 years at primary is extremely unusual. Pupils don't tend to be put up a year at all in state primary. Occasionally they start later, so some may be older, but it's vanishingly unlikely to be a Y4 aged kid in Y6.

The benefit of the DC chatting to an older class is not some great boon. It's nice to have time together in the mornings, especially for working parents who's contact time can be limited in the week. It's nice for the kids too. This is not some win for the OP and her DC. It's CF parents palming their kid on her and she's right to not be up for that.

Major CF behaviour.
Putting you in charge without a conversation.

The OP has not been put in charge.

I'd speak to the parents and say you have the same concerns about safety so think its worth formalising an agreement about you doing a walk-share: you can do mornings and they can do pick ups and you can formalise it together the school.

When they inevitably push back, I'd make a point of setting off earlier or simply saying youre not haopy for their child to walk with you because you cant supervise them all to the standard youre happy with and ultimately, whatever they say about yoi not needing to be responsible for their DC, it's simply not true; if it were, DC would be walking alone.

Can you drive to school for a couple of days? Walk another route the different way?

I think talk to the mum.

I suspect it’s more likely that the parents are encouraging him to walk alone for independence.
he doesn’t want to do this, so is watching you and tagging along.

An 11 is old enough to walk alone unless there's some particular problem. You haven't agreed to be responsible for him so you aren't. Let him tag along if he wants.

‘Oh hi, neighbour mum. X is a great kid but my two are a lot of work. He’s welcome to tag along with us if he likes the company but I don’t have a spare eye to watch over him ‘

Well because you haven't had a conversation with the parents is fine because you haven't accepted any responsibility so i wouldn't consider it an issue!
We had kids tagging along with us and my children walked with others by year 6 .
Never fretted about responsibilities,just cracked on with the day.Really am not sure what the issue is TBH .

You are in no way responsible gor this child. Why do you think you are, its a bit presumptuous.

Perfect

Exactly... not an issue!

Its possible his mum hasn't said that at all and maybe he is nervous about walking alone and hasnt told her that for some reason, or he's told his mum he is walking with you and she just hasn't checked that that'sok with you, or maybe she said walk with your friends, its good for you to start getting used to it since you'll be going to secondary school soon, and he's picked you.

When I was a kid most parents didnt walk their children to school by the last year of junior school. My mum was considered hugely over protective because she did and it was really embarrassing to be the only 10 year old with their mum walking them to school. Even if it was secretly nice. I can imagine a 10 year old nowadays feeling that way too.

Agree. He shouldn't need any additional 'supervising' and he's in y6 so presumably he won't be walking that way at that time next year? It's nice for your kids to be on good terms with older ones as they eventually become more independent themselves.

Speak to his mum if you like but I actually think this is too small to even bother- you can just say to him 'just make sure your mum knows we won't always be walking every day, she's OK with you walking alone if we aren't around isn't she? OK great.'

We'd always walk in groups as children, it might be beneficial for your children to have a network of kids to walk with later on.

Is it that three children is a bit difficult to manage, or that you just value the time with your own children?

I still don’t understand what you want him to do to avoid you! How long is the walk anyway?

I would be generous and assume the parent is anxious and while making a general point about being safe, etc mentioned you. Or said “you can always walk to X and his mum”. Perhaps the child feels safer walking with you but is trying to play it cool by saying his mum told him to tag along with you

def many things it could be. Prob best to talk to their parents if it’s a problem.

Another thing to consider, when your child gets to Yr7 this kid will be in Yr9. it might be nice for this kid to repay favour and walk with your kid to school etc.