AIBU to tell my neighbour’s Year 6 child to stop walking to school with us?

[Msjamtoast]

I have two children, one in Year 4 and one in Reception. Every morning I walk them to school.
For the past two weeks, a neighbour’s Year 6 child has been coming along with us every morning. Our children know each other and sometimes play together locally, but the parents and I have never actually spoken. When the children play together, the parents don’t usually come out, so we’ve never met or had any arrangement about walking to school together.
The child told my Year 4 child that his mum had said it was dangerous for him to walk to school alone and that he should walk with us.
I’m uncomfortable with this. I’m already responsible for my two children, including a Reception child, and I don’t want to take responsibility for another family’s child.
If his parents feel he isn’t safe walking to school alone, I feel they should make their own arrangements rather than relying on us.
Would you tell the child he needs to make his own arrangements, or just let him continue walking with us?
Has anyone else experienced something similar with a neighbour’s child joining your school run?

The time I walk to and from school with my own just us is precious
Not a weird “take” at all. Why is this time so precious and sacred if you see your kids as much as anyone else with school aged children see theirs?
Why can’t he tell you what he had for lunch when you get home? Or even in front of another child?

@OriginalSkang · Today 10:20

If you saw him get run over or abducted or whatever on the school run and he was just walking ahead of you rather than with you, would you just say 'not my problem' and keep walking? I'm guessing not. I don't see an issue unless he is pissing you off in some way..

LOL, This is peak Mumsnet batshit. Take no notice of this @Msjamtoast The first few responses are telling you that YABU, and if you are NOT accommodating with this child, when they get will abducted, or knocked down by a car, and it will be YOUR FAULT!

This place is off-the-charts batshit sometimes. You can tell who the posters are who take the piss out of other parents and dump their kids on them. What a cheek, trying to make the OP feel bad for not wanting some random child coming to school with them and their children.

Don't put up with it @Msjamtoast Tell the parents that their child is not your responsibility and they can't come with you (to school,) anymore. Drive there for a few weeks to try and get rid of this child if you're too worried about speaking to the parents.

I had quite a few parents taking the piss out me and getting them to hang on to me and my DC, and walk to school with us, and cadge lifts when I dropped them off in the car when I had work. The parents had them come with us so they didn't have to take them to school. And they'd send them to play with my DC at OUR house, fairly often, because they couldn't be fucked with them. Never had my DC at theirs.

Some people are users and they take the piss. I allowed it to happen to me, and am annoyed with myself that I allowed it to happen. A year and a half or so it had been happening, before I was strong enough to stand up and say no. By then it had been going on so long, that the parents expected it, and were angry and arsey when I stopped it.

Don't be like me. Stop this now. You will get used over and over again by people who aren't arsed about their children. Ignore the posters telling you to #BEKIND

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At least the boys' parent should have had the manners to ask op if it was OK that he tags along,not just presume she will be happy yo be responsible for someone else's child!

It’s not dangerous for a Y6 to walk to school

how ridiculous

Don't really see the issue, tbh. Unless he's a wee pain 😂

It’s a public street, the child can walk and talk. I think it is cringey to knock on parents door, it’s unnecessary. You don’t have to wait if he goes in to a shop. You would effectively be responsible for helping along with other bystanders if he got run over in front of you anyway, and you’d want someone to help your child in that situation.

If you don’t like how he acts, completely different matter, tell him directly to please not speak to you. You can’t stop him walking next to you though.

What the mother has told the boy is anyones guess, the boy has told OP's kids to walk with them. As other pp's have said, it could very well be that he is new to walking to school on his own and the mother has said, just walk with everyone else taking the same way to school.

Our primary school route was one long road up to a roundabout which could be tricky to cross over as no safe zebra crossings. I may well have said to my kids to cross whenever other families cross to be safe. That does not mean I expect that some random family is responsible for my kid.

I really really don't think this scenario is some sort of CF situation, I really think the kid is walking the same route to school and tags along for a chat and company

god what happened to community? This is a child your own chlid is happy walking with - just speak to the mum and mention any 'specific' worries you have - ie. you aren't always around, is he okay on days you ren't there

I find it staggering to be honest that you would deliberately try to avoid him! how bloody sad is that.

Be a grown up, raise any real worries you have with the mum - and stop worrying about things that don't need worrying about

I no longer have primary aged kids but - I loved the social aspect ! I loved meeting other children - those years go soon enough, I really can't see what the issue is here.

this kid, whatever his mum has said, is clearly not feeling confident to do it alone - perhaps that will change over the term. maybe his mum just said find others to chat to on the way etc.

Again, nobody here knows - this is one of those mumsnet threads where I wonder what happened to normal conversation. Just ask the mum what was agreed and mention you hope he will be okay on days you aren't there.

Are you the mum staying home in her pyjamas 🤣

I find it staggering that the mum wouldn’t ask if it’s ok?! She clearly feels the need to pick him up so just chat to your neighbour and check they don’t mind?

I suspect if she had made an effort to get to know OP and actually ask politely, it wouldn’t be an issue…

exactly, all the way to year 5, the teacher only release the child when they see the adult
Completely understandable, but it's a pain when you take the dog for a walk at the same time (obviously not allowed on school property), you can't just meet the kids at the gates

and in year 5 and 6, parents can sign a form to allow the kids to be alone.

What do you want him to do? Walk 20 paces behind? You are walking the same way to the same place!

In year 6 my son used to walk to school 'on his own' (he is an only child) but in reality this would usually mean with his friend and their mum and sibling - although the boys used to walk ahead or behind so the friend also felt like he was walking 'on his own'. If DS didn't walk with them he might walk with another family. Most of his friends had younger siblings at the same school.

Exactly, when OP's son is walking on his own, I hope she makes it clear to him that he can absolutely not tag along with any friends, if the mum is there because it may be their 'special time'

How far is the walk and is he polite/a problem? I would have no issue with this for a short walk as long as he was behaving

Another one here who doesn't see the issue. I actually cannot understand the mentality of someone so self-absorbed that they would object to it. You're not at all accountable for the child but, as PPs have pointed out: if something happened would you really not intervene? The fact this child walks with you does not really change anything.

When my DD was in Year 2 she had a friend in Y6 who'd sort of taken her under her wing. As often as not the Y6 girl would end up walking home with us (she's about halfway along our route) and they'd chat. I never once felt put out, indeed I rather enjoyed the sense of community it represented. The girl in question is now in Y8 at high school and she still keeps in touch with DD through me as DD does not have a phone.

Blimey. Dog with a bone. Or just nasty.

its precious because my son is at his most receptive and chatty before school. After school he’s tired, the energy is different. He JUST started reception.

I’ve literally just gone back to work part time too after being with him nearly all the time. So it’s a big change for me to ‘only’ see him at the start of the day and the end. So yeah, that time IS precious.

That all ok for you?!

I wouldn’t mind an 11 year old who needs minimal supervision walking to school with me and my kids unless they were difficult/mean to my own kids. But I would be annoyed with their parents for not actually bothering to talk to me about it before they told their child to tag along with us. What if one day you’re not there because your children are off sick and something bad happens to their child? Are they going to hold you responsible even though you didn’t know you were taking responsibility for them?

If you’re going there anyway, and the child is well behaved, I can’t see the issue. We’ve had the neighbours’ children chumming us down to the school gates a few times and I never questioned it. It didn’t have any impact on us whatsoever.

She probably wants a lay in.

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Are you hard of reading and comprehension ?

Yep! Funny how 'community' and 'a village' always involves one particular woman, doing everything, being a handmaiden, looking after other peoples kids, and having to do the care duties for elderly and disabled family members. Whilst other women are doing fuck-all because they've shoved everything onto an unsuspecting mug, who must #BeKind

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Yep I'd be wary of this too as it's a grey area. You're not friends/acquaintances who have agreed to this - it would be different if you had of course.
It's unfair if she is putting responsibilty on to you without checking. The odds are nothing bad would happen to the boy of course, but, if something does, there's a chance the mum will try to blame you, that's just human nature.
As others have said, if he has an accident or goes off with another friend and doesn't make it into school on time are all things that could happen.
Yesterday my usually sensible ten year old decided to walk home a longer, different way with a friend!
You could always check if he has permission from the school to walk in alone? If so, then he's fine surely, whether or not he's walking with you. That might be an idea if you don't know the woman to even speak to.

No I wouldn't tell him he can't walk with you.
I don't see the issue in letting him tag along. That doesn't mean you have to be responsible for him , wait for him if he isn't ready or change your plans in any way. but as you are going I don't see the issue in letting him walk with you . It's cheeky of his mother to say he should do it but no one knows what is happening in anyone else's life.