AIBU to think timing and charging for my showers is excessive?

[DuchessOf]

I know this is going to sound completely ridiculous and I am aware that I probably need to grow a backbone, but I'm genuinely upset and don't know whether I'm being unreasonable.

I'm 37F and my sister, "Karen", is 41F. We're very different people. She's quite a big, loud woman and has always been very confident and outspoken. I'm small and quiet and tend to avoid confrontation. She says I'm "too sensitive", which is probably true.

I'm staying with her for a few weeks while some work is being done at my flat. I am very grateful because she has a spare room and I don't really want to stay in a hotel.
The problem is her hot water.

Karen is extremely careful with money. She has a combi boiler and apparently has worked out exactly how much a shower costs. When I arrived she told me that showers were limited to five minutes and that I should "think of the meter".

I honestly thought she was joking.

She wasn't.

There is now a little kitchen timer outside the bathroom. She says I'm supposed to set it before getting in the shower.

The first morning I was here I took about seven minutes because I'd washed my hair. She knocked on the door at five minutes and said, "That's your five."

I said, "Sorry, I've just got shampoo in my hair."

She said, "Well, you've had your warning."

I thought this was incredibly strange but didn't say anything.

She then told me I'd used 7p worth of hot water and asked me for 10p.

I laughed because I assumed she was joking.

She just looked at me and said, "It's not free."

I gave her the 10p.

Since then she's been keeping track. She has a notebook on the kitchen worktop with everyone's shower times written down. Mine says:
Monday – 6 mins – 12p
Tuesday – 4 mins – 8p
Wednesday – 8 mins – 16p

I asked why Wednesday was 16p and she said I'd "had the water running unnecessarily".

I honestly don't know how she knows this.

Yesterday I had a shower before work and she knocked after five minutes.

I said, "I'm nearly finished."

She said, "You're always nearly finished."

I got out.

Later she told me that she'd calculated I'd used an additional 11p of gas and that she thought it was "only fair" that I contributed £1 towards the week's hot water.

I gave it to her because I couldn't think of what else to do.
This morning I got up early because I thought I could have a shower before she woke up.

Apparently she has changed the boiler settings so that the hot water doesn't come on until 6.30am.

I turned the tap on at 6.15 and it was cold.

I texted her asking if there was something wrong with the boiler and she replied:

"No. It's 6.15. We've discussed this."

I hadn't realised we'd discussed it.

The really humiliating thing is that yesterday I went into town and bought a coffee. When I came home she said, "You can afford a £4.20 coffee but apparently you can't afford your share of the gas."

I said the coffee wasn't really relevant.

She said, "Everything's relevant when you're living in someone else's house."

I went upstairs and cried.

I know objectively that this sounds pathetic. We're talking about pennies. I can afford to pay for the water. It's not the money.

It's the fact that I feel like I'm being monitored constantly.
I now feel anxious every time I turn on a tap. I've started brushing my teeth with the bathroom door closed because I don't want her commenting on how long the water was running.

Last night she actually shouted upstairs:

"Are you having a bath?"

I wasn't. I'd dropped something in the sink.

I said no.

She said, "Good, because that's not happening."

I am beginning to dread being here. I don't want anyone to tell me to just leave because unfortunately it's not that simple and I don't have another option immediately available.

Karen says I'm being dramatic and that I'm "acting like she's withholding food".

She says I'm lucky she lets me stay here and that if I don't like her rules I can pay for a hotel. I do appreciate that it's her house. I really do.

But AIBU to think charging your sister 10p for a shower and keeping a notebook of her shower times is a bit excessive?

You've not even bothered to try to hide the fact that your OP was ChatGPT generated.

Is it even based on a true story or did you just ask AI for something that would get you attention .

YABU for using AI to make up this ridiculous story 🙄

Or to put all relevant info in the first post 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just agree you willl pay £20 a week to stay?

she sounds miserly

Obviously it's a bonkers way to live, but, having extra people in your home for more than a few nights is an imposition and if you're having work done at home and she's been happy enough to have you, then you've got to bite your tongue and do things her way as much as you can.

I'd be making sure I gave her some money each week, just because that's fair, but also, you went there knowing she was frugal, so this isn't entirely unexpected (even if it's more extreme than you were expecting).

If you were staying in a hotel you'd be paying a lot more, so I think it's a case of smile, nod and you need to play by her rules.

a 5 minute shower would never work for me either, but I'd happily pay for the extra water rather than go without.

I agree with pps. Just give her a chunk of cash and let it go.

Can you afford a hotel or stay with someone else? She sounds exhausting to be around

If more sisters were like Karen there wouldn't be so many wet drips* on MN who can't get rid of houseguests overstaying their welcome.
*Scuse the pun.

@FruAashild oops, accidentally Anglocentric there, didn't know there were £100 notes. Can you send me one as proof?😁

She sounds awful. I’m sorry.

can you give her £20 upfront and say - let me know when I go over. I’d rather that than the conversation each time

If work in your flat is something that doesn’t include the roof go home! Dust and disruption is a better companion than your sister! At home stay in one room and boil a kettle for strip washes if you've no bathroom. Don’t be treated so badly!

Come on now, it costs loads for SW water to pump shit into the ocean every day!

It sounds like she genuinely has a hard time with this. So just take a look at the list and put in enough to cover it plus extra. Of course this isn’t normal behaviour but she clearly has some issues around waste or money and you are staying with her to benefit yourself so you kind of have to meet her where she’s at.

I think you need to book a Hotel or air B&B.

😂

Perhaps she is making a point.

You are staying for a few weeks. Did you offer her any money for this? She is putting herself out to save you a lot of money.

😂

She’s right though when she says if you don’t like it you can move out. She’s doing you a favour.

It doesn’t matter that she’s apparently minted. If she refused your offer to pay for food then will it really kill you to just keep your showers to five minutes?

My guess is that she would prefer you to go
elsewhere at this point.

Some people are extremely frugal, no matter how much money they have. Nothing you can do about that. I do think living alone can feed the obsession as there's nobody there to provide challenge or balance. To me, it's bonkers to have the energy to be so fixated on the water bill, but as PP have said, just give her a lump sum and she can decide when you've used that up.

Why do you need longer than 5 mins in a shower. It baffles me how long some people spend in there. My DS xgf used to take up to 20 mins.
She sounds ott but why not just give her £20 and fill your boots with your long showers.

Is this “bike in the hall” woman?

She sounds fucking nuts
No winner agrees single what an utterly controlling prat

WTAF have I just read?! I absolutely appreciate gas and electric prices have risen and understand having another adult in the house, means that more utilities are being used.

Your sister is penny pinching beyond belief. I see that you offered money, but she refused. I would say that you need to give her X amount per week and buy the groceries. Tell her that the X amount will go towards her utilities costs.

If she still continues with the noting down the time you're in the shower, ask her if X amount is enough? I do agree with someone else, I wonder if this note taking and obsession with timing showers, is perhaps a coping mechanism for something else? I'm guessing that she's not used to someone else living in her home? Perhaps, it's something she's finding difficult to cope with, and this is her coping strategy?

If all else fails, look into staying at a local hotel. You can do your laundry at a launderette. You might get breakfast included and could eat out at night if necessary. Yes, it's extra expense, but at least you wouldn't be walking on egg shells.

Obviously it's her house and she can do what she likes, but I don't understand why she's trying to control the length of the shower and charging you based on the time you take.

If she's happy with a five minute shower, why is she charging you for that?

If she's going to charge you 2p a minute for a shower, why does it matter how long it is as your covering the cost??

Really she needs to pick her complaint and stick with it!! 😂

This reads like an AI generated reddit post. i voted unreasonable just for this.