Unbalanced Inheritance Division

[Stilson]

I'll keep it brief, my parents both died some time ago, and I can't get over this.

The estate was split with 20% going to me and 80% to my sister. She gets £160k I get £40k.

Both about the same age, both been a part of the family equally, she is wealthier than me by a large margin.

I want to cut all ties as she refuses to balance out the amounts, even a 60:40 split.

We're it the other way round I would be uncomfortable with the settlements and would rectify it, she won't.

AIBU?

If you want to cut ties, then you can do that. It's not going to fix your financial position either way.

I'm sorry that happen to you. That would be very hurtful. Do you know why your parents chose to do this?

It is hurtful but it’s your parents decision not your sisters fault.

How long ago was it? What do you think the reason was? Did your parents discuss the will with you before they died?

This, was it a surprise to you?

My father died many years ago, my mother died 10 years ago.
In her will my youngest brother got half of her estate, the remaining 5 siblings shared the other half - so he got 50% and we got 10%.
None of us fell out over it, we all are on very good terms and love each other.
It's completely up to you how you want to react.

Does she have children and you not? Was the split explained?

As upsetting as it is, your sisters financial situation is no correlation to your inheritance gap. Unfortunately, people choose what they do with their will and you can't really do much about it. £40K is still a chunk of change and if you do the right thing with it you can multiply that substantially.

But, in the absence of any back story, it’s a patently unfair decision which she could rectify. It would almost certainly wreck my relationship with her in the OP’s position.

No it’s not your sister’s fault, but equally it’s completely in her power to rectify the situation. Unfortunately money is extremely corrupting and it takes a big person to be unselfish in a situation like this.

As for what you do next, do what you need to do. If there was some cast iron reason why her getting more was necessary (eg she has significant health problems or you have a gambling/drug problem) then I wouldn’t think badly of her. If she’s simply keeping it all because your parents preferred her and she can, well she has the right to do that and you have the right to think she’s not a good person.

There has to be mire to it OP. What’s your sister’s side of the story.

Do you have any theories about why they chose to do it?

Sorry to everyone saying move on - I would balance it out with my siblings if I felt my parents had done something manifestly unfair

However, if she’s a lot wealthier than you, are you sure she hasn’t been giving them money over the years, and this isn’t their way of paying her back? That’s the most logical explanation

You must have felt that it was fair for him to get more?

There's a reason for their actions. Rifts? Past wrongs addressed? Have you discussed their rationale with your sister? What was the will drafted? And pressure exerted late in life?

Is there some backstory or reason? (E.g the 80% 'she' got is split between her and her children, or she was left the house because her name was on it for some reason, or your parents had previously gifted you lump sums that were taken into account).

On the face of it, it seems unfair, but I'm inclined to think there might be a backstory that means it's not as unfair as it seems.

I suspect that by keeping it brief that you're leaving out potential reasons hy this may have occured. You're giving no details. At first sight, yes, it's obviously unfair, but there could be a lot of information left out that may help explain it.

It sounds incredibly hurtful.

Is there any backstory at all though? Or anything that might have given you an inclination this was going to happen before it did?

I know a family of 3 children, all now well into middle age.

Two of them have average or below average incomes, one of those has a disabling health issue which meant he hasn't been able to work since he was in his early 40s.

The third is loaded. They live in a >£1m house, have retired early on large private pensions, have additional investment income and sold their business for close to £500k.

Their father intends to leave 40% of his estate to the first two siblings and 20% to the very well off one.

This seems entirely fair to me, especially given that the only child of the third sibling inherited a very large trust fund from his maternal GM, as he was the only grandchild at the time of her death.

Many years ago one niece was left out of the inheritance from her uncle because he'd witnessed her arguing with her mother once (so he said! )
When they read the will, her brothers just laughed and shared the money out equally. (They never told her what the will had said of course.)
This is what good people do.

It does seem unfair @Stilson but without background we can’t say. Were there reasons given? Did they leave any explanatory letters (expression of wish) that clarify? For example (not in your case) they might say “child B has no money and their career will never pay well so we have left them a bigger share”.

If your sister has always been favoured, you would likely have hoped to be treated more fairly but would have expected this.

But if it has come out of the blue, I would be in a state of shock and - being unable to find out why - my mind would be in a whirl as to what the reason is.

If I knew I’d received a bigger share without good reason, I’d definitely be looking to even things up a bit.

@Grollsch
No, believe it or not, there was no particular reason.

Well there's back story here somewhere isn't there? Decisions like that between two siblings of the same sex don't usually come out of the blue.

Did none of your siblings think that it was a bit off for your parents to do that? Or a bit selfish of your brother to just keep it all?

There are no further details that would add light on the decision. No extra children, no money being lent, no personal problems , health or otherwise. To all intense purposes we should have been treated exactly the same.

As I say were the situation reversed I would make the split fairer.

Was she rewarded for “doing better” in life?

My parents help my sister financially much more than me (always have) as she has a bigger house, better job, nice car, takes holidays. Therefore she “needs the money” more than us…