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AIBU?

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Original poster

To un-invite both of my parents to my wedding?

230 replies

GilmoreGirls21 · 10/09/2026 09:31

I am getting married in January. It’s a small registry office style wedding with a sit down meal at a local restaurant afterwards. It’s a week-day because the cost was double on the weekend and there was no availability for quite a while.

The first thing that came out of my mum’s mouth was that she would have to take the day off unpaid. Nothing nice or celebratory about the actual day at all so far. She has the money to take the day off and she regularly takes days off work for other occasions (friends birthdays etc). She is now complaining to everyone about the loss of money.

My dad was more positive but straight away tried to dictate who was going and how the day was going etc, and that sense of entitlement to the day. He has also been making a few comments recently that he thinks is funny but is actually hurtful, and it’s got to the point where I would rather not speak to him if I don’t have to or be around him.

AIBU to un-invite both of my parents to my wedding? And could someone help me draft a message to them both? I have never really confronted them about anything before, I know this will be a big step but I need to do it to avoid them ruining the day.

OP posts:
pollymere · 12/09/2026 20:55

I think it's probably them feeling out of sorts that it's not at a weekend.

Go with it, they're invited. Ignore the rest. They can come or not. It sounds like they're trying to get a reaction so don't give them the satisfaction.

HoppingPavlova · 13/09/2026 15:53

Chilly80 · 10/09/2026 11:45

So do you never take a day off work then? I assume not if taking a day off for your child's wedding is deemed a waste what could be more important?

Show quote history

Yes, I take holidays from work. Where I …. go on holiday. On a plane. To somewhere nice.

Of course, it would be possible, but my ‘issue’ with it is, I’d be standing there the whole time looking at them wondering how I raised someone to be so entitled that they thought it was okay to get everyone to take a day off for them. I wouldn’t say it but I’d definitely be thinking it. And I don’t want to put either myself or my child in that situation. So, I find it best to avoid such situations by letting my kids know these thought processes up front long before such a situation would arise so they can factor that in to any plans.

We got married on a weekend. Many colleagues we invited worked weekends so had to take a day off if they wanted to attend, however in total, taking everyone invited into account, far more people worked M-F, so while there were always going to be some people inconvenienced we eliminated that for the majority. Because we were thoughtful, which is how we brought our kids up. Whether they choose to be as adults or not is up to them though.

bigboykitty · 13/09/2026 16:35

Granj · 12/09/2026 06:17

Its the getting married that is important, so why not cancel the register office altogether, run off to Gretna Green and grab a couple of random witnesses off the street then have a special meal and a few days away, for just the 2 of you. You can then arrange a night out with friends to celebrate when you're back.

You think OP should cancel her wedding and elope because her parents treat her like crap? Cancel the parents, not the wedding.

bigboykitty · 13/09/2026 16:36

HoppingPavlova · 13/09/2026 15:53

Yes, I take holidays from work. Where I …. go on holiday. On a plane. To somewhere nice.

Of course, it would be possible, but my ‘issue’ with it is, I’d be standing there the whole time looking at them wondering how I raised someone to be so entitled that they thought it was okay to get everyone to take a day off for them. I wouldn’t say it but I’d definitely be thinking it. And I don’t want to put either myself or my child in that situation. So, I find it best to avoid such situations by letting my kids know these thought processes up front long before such a situation would arise so they can factor that in to any plans.

We got married on a weekend. Many colleagues we invited worked weekends so had to take a day off if they wanted to attend, however in total, taking everyone invited into account, far more people worked M-F, so while there were always going to be some people inconvenienced we eliminated that for the majority. Because we were thoughtful, which is how we brought our kids up. Whether they choose to be as adults or not is up to them though.

Edited
Show quote history

It sounds like it's hard for you to think about anyone except yourself.

Volpini · 13/09/2026 17:26

NeatJoker · 10/09/2026 09:40

Put it back on them. You’ve made lots of comments, mum, about losing money and haven’t said one nice thing about my getting married - I understand if you would rather not come? Dad, you keep saying unkind things - would you prefer not to come? If you do want to come, can you please be supportive and happy for me.

This is perfect. x
I’ve been through similar at my wedding. Sending you lots of love and all the best wishes for your marriage x

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