Was I in the wrong or was DSis being a bridezilla?

[Weddingdrama26]

Throwaway username for this!

My DSis had an abroad wedding this summer. We were over there for a few days before, during which there was a couple of different ‘events’ including a welcome dinner.

At this dinner, one of her bridesmaids was having what I deemed to be an inappropriate conversation. In ear shot of this, were various older family members who wouldn’t have wanted to hear such (sexual) comments. I followed the bridesmaid to the bathroom and politely suggested she reined in the conversation topics. Which she did.

This was a few days before the wedding. The next morning, my sister sent me a series of shitty messages suggesting I was over reacting, there was drink involved so there would obviously be ‘adult conversations’ and she didn’t appreciate me causing potential issues before her Wedding. I explained why I pulled her up and left it at that. Not all family members present were drinking.

Post Wedding, she is now incredibly off with me and actively avoiding having to spend any time with me.

I have consulted others who agree with what I did but I would welcome some impartial feedback. Should I have left it given the circumstances, or was I right to have said something?

We need to know what she was saying!

What was it you took offence to?

Yes and no

YABU - I don’t think you should police other people’s conversations

YANBU - but your sister is being a bit over dramatic holding a grudge

If I was an “older family member” I’d have thought you patronising to step in to protect my delicate ears. They aren’t children!

This.

Can't imagine ever telling somebody else what they can and can't talk about. Weird. Embarrassed for them yes. Policing their conversation no. Old people have had sex too you know.

I think if you were certain that older family members might hear her and be made to feel uncomfortable, then it was perfectly reasonable to curtail her topics of conversation.

Your DSis pettily over-reacting, imo.

Depends on how bad it was I guess but I don’t think I’d have bothered to follow someone to the bathroom and tell them off for risqué chat. Unless she was drunkenly bellowing about her rather unique sexlife. Presumably once she had walked away to go to the loo the conversation was over?? Your SIL is overreacting but I probably would have just let this one go in the first place.

Sounds like you were being precious. Bit different if she was talking sexual exploits around small children but not adults

Who died and put you in charge?

We older people often have poor hearing, I hope she was speaking load enough for anyone interested to hear!

how do you know the old person was uncomfortable? did they actually tell you? or are you just making assumptions?

or is it the case that the conversation you overheard made YOU uncomfortable and you justified your reaction by thinking about the old person?

sounds like you were being OTT to tell someone off, but your sister is also being OTT to hold a grudge.

What was she saying?

"Remember when the groom took me up the arse at university, OMG?!"

Distasteful perhaps...

But you probably should say something in public rather than in the bathroom like you are the teacher. "Oi! Keep it down Anna!" would do.

There was references to anal sex and a story about her going to a works party and sleeping with a colleague, then shortly after also going back to her room with another colleague who unaware of the previous encounter went down on her.

So the bridesmaid had a bitch afterwards to your sister? MEH. Who cares? She’s gross! Crack on and ignore your sisters drama.

Depends on the conversation. Either you or your sister was over-reacting. I'm leaning towards it being you as it is not usual for adults to tell other adults what they can/can't talk about.

What is the age at which you stop being allowed to listen to sexually explicit conversations? I need to be prepared...

This. I can imagine how humiliation at being spoken to like this/ having an upset friend spoken like this turns to anger

Following another adult to the bathroom to police her conversation is wrong.
It is done now.

Not enough information to judge. What was said and are you sure the older people would have cared and wanted it stopped?
How old is older - if you have an 80 year old uncle who is a retired archbishop that’s one thing but if it was a 65 year old aunt who spent her career in healthcare or the police they are not hearing anything they haven’t heard before I suspect.

If it was bothering them they could have said something.

Yes, I agree, too much! But I would have said oh Julie TMI... and pulled her up there and then. She was probably pissed and now feels embarrassed about what she has said and moaned to your sister

Well based on your update I would’ve said something too. I’d have tried to downplay it and be as diplomatic as possible. How did the BM take it?

I’m not that old and wouldn’t want to hear about anyone’s sex lives in that detail. I know that my parents would be mortified.

Yes, people are offended by different things, so it's just manners not to deliberately offend your guests, and a wedding isn't the place to have a free speech I can say whatever I like debate, especially as it might have been difficult for said person to put themselves out for her extravaganza-the fact you talk about her being a bridezilla and the do going on so long suggests you think she's one of those who expects the world to revolve round her because she's in a white dress?

Oh my god, that's rough!
I would struggle because I'd think if I just say TMI in front of everyone that might seem patronising, and if I told her in private that might seem OTT. So you can't win.
I don't even think this is to do with the ages of those present, and your only mistake was using that as an excuse! Whether you are 25 or 95, seriously nobody needs to know that shite!! 🤦

I wouldn't particularly want to hear that either, but as another poster succinctly put it - who died and left you in charge?!
Had the older family members voiced or displayed their discomfort, or are you taking offence on their behalf?
If there were kids around, definitely unacceptable.
In the case that you've outlined though, YABU.

Some people have no filter, a mixed family dinner isn't a place to talk about shagging a work mate the other members of the dinner were not her friends.

I probably would have said something too, let your Sister wallow her bridesmaid has no manners but at least she reigned it in, unlike your Sister who is dragging it out.