Was I in the wrong or was DSis being a bridezilla?

[Weddingdrama26]

Throwaway username for this!

My DSis had an abroad wedding this summer. We were over there for a few days before, during which there was a couple of different ‘events’ including a welcome dinner.

At this dinner, one of her bridesmaids was having what I deemed to be an inappropriate conversation. In ear shot of this, were various older family members who wouldn’t have wanted to hear such (sexual) comments. I followed the bridesmaid to the bathroom and politely suggested she reined in the conversation topics. Which she did.

This was a few days before the wedding. The next morning, my sister sent me a series of shitty messages suggesting I was over reacting, there was drink involved so there would obviously be ‘adult conversations’ and she didn’t appreciate me causing potential issues before her Wedding. I explained why I pulled her up and left it at that. Not all family members present were drinking.

Post Wedding, she is now incredibly off with me and actively avoiding having to spend any time with me.

I have consulted others who agree with what I did but I would welcome some impartial feedback. Should I have left it given the circumstances, or was I right to have said something?

I'm quite shocked at that and I am in my 50's.

I think anyone older is probably "ehh, Maureen, what's this anal thing they are talking about? And what's going down on someone? Is he proposing?"

😁

Your sister's friend is trashy. That's just gross to discuss where people you hardly know can hear, especially the older relatives of your friend. YWNBU and your sister is ridiculous to hold a grudge over this. I'd act as normal and leave it to her to decide when she comes back to her senses (or becomes bored with giving you the cold shoulder).

How incredibly patronising

I don’t think you should have said anything. I can see why your Sister is annoyed.

Come on now, people have been having anal and oral sex since the year dot. I'd be amazed if any adult had never heard of either, even the really elderly people who for some reason you think are a) not sexually active b) are a bit sexually naive.

I agree!! Why does OP assume we dont want to hear sexual innuendo? 🤣😅😂

I don't know any of the people in the story, but is it possible the OP has a tendency to butt in where she's not wanted and her sister is sick of it?

It's a bit odd to interfere with your sister's friend (bridesmaid even!) during her wedding trip.

I can't imagine my siblings having a go at my best friends during one of my events! (wedding, birthdays..) .

Utterly grim story that paints the BM in a terrible light.

As to whether i’d have said anything, it would depend:

1. Did you already know the BM?
2. Does your sister know what the story was and who overheard?

😂

Wasn't it enough that the oldies must already ha e formed an opinion about her?

I had diners where I had to listen to women fully detailed birth stories (still traumatised by my one, do not want or care to hear yours, thanks), never-ending rambling about very average kids seen as geniuses by their parents, brands of wallpapers and paints.. I could go on all night

I take the anal sex story frankly As long as you don't replicate when Harry met Sally, don't show the video of the sexual encounter, it's such a non issue😂

I don’t see why it is your role to police what people can and can’t talk about. If you had children there that’s different but older people are quite able to speak for themselves. You are not the morality or etiquette police.

Also following someone you don’t know well into the bathroom to challenge them is weird.

To be fair, I do see your point now.

If YOU didnt want to hear it, then you could have leaned in and said 'just wanted to let you know we can hear you so you might want to turn it down a bit if you're going in deep!' In a jokey/friendly way.

But the idea that elderly people need you to rush in and police saucy topics of conversation is HILARIOUS.
If they were bothered, they could have said something themselves! Treating elderly people like they are small children who cant fend for themselves is really weird of you!

That is what I’d classify as inappropriate talk for a public setting, however I think you are U for policing other people that are nothing to do with you. If anyone was offended they could say. If you were offended you could say. But policing the conversation in case others are offended isn’t your job.

😂😂😂
love this thread

How did you approach it with the speaker?

Because I think there's a massive difference between

"You need to stop the sex talk, it's inappropriate"

And

"Hey, just a heads up, some of the family are bit more sensitive and will feel uncomfortable with your talk about sex. Just wanted to give you a warning in case someone takes offence."

This is every bit as ageist as the OP ‘protecting’ them. Why do you think it’s the most exciting thing in their lives? It’s a bit boring really. Old people had sex or you wouldn’t be here!
@Weddingdrama26 if the old people didn’t like it, they are capable of saying so. Don't infantilise.

I don't understand why you brought age into this? Older people will have had more sex and probably wilder sex than you will ever have, I'm not sure why their ears need protecting like they are children? If you'd just said "there was inappropriate chat at a dinner table, so I told someone to stop", I mean I'd think who made you the self appointed person to police others conversations, but it's weird you think that old people somehow need protecting!! They could quite easily speak up themselves if it was offending them besides!

Kinda cringing for you OP. Whilst it may not have been the time and place for that conversation, I can't believe you would follow a grown adult into the restroom to tell her off.

You think anyone over 50 doesn’t get this? Ever heard of the 60s and free love? People who were 18 in 1960 are in their 80s! Your generation didn’t invent sex. Or name the acts.
Honestly, the topic wasn’t dinner appropriate but the infantilising of the over 60s on this thread is far more shocking!

Ok maybe op was wrong to interfere ( even though it was bitchy of ‘friend’ to bring up bride’s sexual history and how wild she was)but for so called friend/ bridesmaid to go complain to bride a few days before her wedding like a child is also not okay.

I'm old, I'd have raised an eyebrow and chatted to my neighbour.

Mind you, I'm on here quite a bit, so I've heard it all and then some. Us old'uns are used to turning a deaf ear when needed.

So OP’s behaviour was worse than uncouth friends’? Is it normal to gossip about bride’s sexual history in wedding related functions?