Another selfish man thread

[Tummytroublesagain1]

Not after any pearls of wisdom but would be nice to vent

DH is mostly rubbish at DIY but admittedly is shit hot at putting together flat pack furniture

My dad is a joiner so I defer to him when I actually need holes drilling in the wall. I need a curtain pole putting up, so he’s very kindly offered to come this afternoon and put it up for US. The US is the important bit.

DH has just announced that he’s going to the gym - I’m like er no can you wait until later until after dad has been to do the curtain pole. Cue a mini tantrum from a 55 year old man about why can’t I help him instead.

I had to mansplain to him that actually it’s highly inappropriate to be out at the gym when my 76 year old dad comes over to do a job for us.

Send wine and chocolate

honestly it doesn’t warrant a leave the bastard but sometimes I do wonder………

Im 55 with 2 sets of twins under 5 yrs of age. My husband cant do DIY he actually cant do anything but go to the gym and make twins however when my neighbour comes over to do the DIY bits that I cant do on my own, my husband goes to the gym of falls asleep. But I know im married to a useless man so no point in asking him to hang around when the neighbour also knows how useless my OH is.

So even with twins its a curtain pole! Id understand your frustration if it was a big job, but not a curtain pole.

Lol. No, it is more like too much attention on me, myself, gym bro? It gives the wrong vibe? Same as a man with tattoos, too self-centred? I don't know.

Wrong end of the stick - my objection is mainly to the preening bit, which I associate with men and gyms. Strangely, I am OK with married women going to gyms - I know, I know, double standard.

Go to the gym and make twins, ☠️

I miss the laugh emoji

The twins are 7 or 8 for those who wanted to know.

If it makes you feel better, I've been going to gyms for 20 years. I've been to gyms all over Britain (I've lived in a few cities), everything from David Lloyd to the cheapest budget ones. I've never, ever seen this Greek god and goddess preening that non gym goers fantasise about.

Yes, some people have incredible bodies and sometimes wear stuff that shows it (super skimpy stuff is not common but when you do see it, it's almost always women), but you don't get a physique like that by preening in front of the mirror; you get it by putting in the work, which they're always doing. Most people are normal looking, plenty are overweight, and just there to work out. There must be some influencer types creating their content but they are a very small minority of overall gym goers and I've never actually seen anything more than a quick selfie at a machine. It's a profoundly unsexy environment actually. Yeah, we're sweating, but we aren't humping; we are too busy counting reps and checking heart rate. It's like park run with machines.

MN likes to talk about women "prancing" around naked in the changing room (always "prancing") but I've never seen this either. It's just women of all ages, shapes and sizes getting changed.

It's not some den of sin. If it were, I'd pay the extra for Gold membership.

Reminds me of that scene in Detectorists where Lance is taking Maggie's mum to bingo because Tony (her partner) has football.

'Playing?' asks Lance.

'Nah, watching!' replies Tony.

He's an embarrassment to be going to the gym instead of staying to help her elderly father do a job he doesn't appear to be capable of.

Any decent man with an ounce of self respect would stay and see can he be of help.
Basic manners and cop on IMO.

He's an embarrassment to be going to the gym instead of staying to help her elderly father do a job he doesn't appear to be capable of.

Any decent man with an ounce of self respect would stay and see can he be of help.
Basic manners and cop on IMO.

Same. The vast majority of people I’ve seen at the gym have headphones in, and are focused on their workout. Mirrors are useful for keeping an eye on form, which hardly constitutes ‘preening’.

I'm hoping Dad comes over with command hook curtain rod hangers just to make a point.

They should both be embarrassed. Unless OP wants some weird setup, this is a dead easy one person job. The his and doesn't need to be there.

I mean I personally would have stayed behind to help, but there's no shame in anyone (man or woman) being crap at DIY. I'm absolutely useless at it, but there's other stuff I'm good at that others aren't. 🤷

She isn’t capable of it either.

OP’s dad is putting up a curtain pole, which is a quick job that only requires one person. I see no reason why her husband needs to be there.

Think you’re being a bit over the top. You really don’t need to watch your 6 year old twins instead if of helping with a 10 minute job. Unless you’re going to say they have significant additional needs. Your DH probably thinks your dad wants to spend a bit of time with his daughter and wouldn’t be worried if he wasn’t there.

What are you talking about? My dad with joinery expertise comes to help out with jobs in our old house and my husband is here helping him. Do you think he should go out and leave him to it like some sort of paid help?
You sound a bit nuts.

Where did I say it was a den of sin? It is a den of stupidity more like. And I never said Greek gods. Or like Greek gods. I said 'gym bros'.

The reasoning of using "blue" is because I thought it more likely the father will see it as a blue job and hes actually doing it, when it should have been the husband

Oh sorry. My bad.

I can't get over the fact that you're getting you 76 year old dad to do manual jobs around the house! Putting up a curtain pole is easy, just look it up and do it yourself! Either you or your DH are perfectly capable of that!

I was actually agreeing with you but forgot to put "this" under your post.

No way would my husband, who is actually very handy, would go out and leave anyone helping us to do a job and go to the gym.
Much less an elderly father helping us.

Because OP is trying to assert stereotypical gender roles here, demanding that DH should be better at DIY, and that he should be embarrassed that he's not competent (or willing) in that sphere.

She wants him to stick around so that her dad can put up the curtain pole (and probably humiliate husband by explaining how simple it is while she and her Dad intimate that DH should be doing this else he's not a real man).

Meantime, the daughter of a 76 year old, married to a 55 year old, who by any normal reckoning you'd expect to be 40+ apparently has her hands full looking after twins who, again by normal reckoning you'd figure must be 10+ (and therefore not in need of constant supervision).

But she won't answer any of that, and so this feels awfully like a man-bashing thread.

Imagine if OP were male and MIL were coming around to cook for them because she's "useless at cooking but shit hot at dressmaking"... every one would be rightly condemning the husband as being a misogynistic prick that should just learn to do this stuff themselves.

Because OP is trying to assert stereotypical gender roles here,
I thought OP was wanting her H to show some interest in what is happening in the family home and also wanting him to show courtesy to her father.

I'd probably agree with you if the OP hadnt started out with this.

I need a curtain pole putting up, so he’s very kindly offered to come this afternoon and put it up for US

She's the source of the request. He's not.
She presumably asked her dad. He didn't.
But she's made it a THEM thing not a HER thing.

We don't know how good her dad is at DIY (rather than carpentry, which is a different skill)
We don't know whether DH would be happier hiring a tradesman and getting the job done properly, for instance.
We don't even know if there's already a perfectly decent curtain rail there already so this is just a whim.

We do know that in normal circumstances poles are not a difficult job.
We do know that she hasn't said her dad has asked for assistance. Nor that she wants DH to actually assist him.

So having created the need, the solution, and the situation, she now wants to involve DH in the role of grateful incompetent?? And she wants sympathy that he doesn't want to be forced into that role.

This wouldn’t bother me in the slightest.

Most parents want to spend time with their adult children without the partners present and so most wouldn’t see an issue with this.

However, if you know that your parents would not be ok with this then a simple explanation to your DH shouldn’t result in him having a tantrum.
He can literally just go to the gym after he’s gone.

The way you wrote your OP makes it sound like you told him off - and I think all of us would be pissed off with our partners if they spoke to us like that.

He’s not BU to suggest going to the gym at the same time your DF comes around.

But he is BU to still go or throw a tantrum over it if you’ve explained that your DF would find it rude.

I wonder if your DH feels emasculated by this.

apparently has her hands full looking after twins who, again by normal reckoning you'd figure must be 10+ (and therefore not in need of constant supervision).

I’m assuming the twins must be under 3 which is why she’s not able to help or do it herself without a second parent present.

I think OP is not saying their ages and got defensive because she felt people would be rude and judge her for being an older mum.