Another selfish man thread

[Tummytroublesagain1]

Not after any pearls of wisdom but would be nice to vent

DH is mostly rubbish at DIY but admittedly is shit hot at putting together flat pack furniture

My dad is a joiner so I defer to him when I actually need holes drilling in the wall. I need a curtain pole putting up, so he’s very kindly offered to come this afternoon and put it up for US. The US is the important bit.

DH has just announced that he’s going to the gym - I’m like er no can you wait until later until after dad has been to do the curtain pole. Cue a mini tantrum from a 55 year old man about why can’t I help him instead.

I had to mansplain to him that actually it’s highly inappropriate to be out at the gym when my 76 year old dad comes over to do a job for us.

Send wine and chocolate

honestly it doesn’t warrant a leave the bastard but sometimes I do wonder………

Seems like a huge non issue.

I can’t do diy and neither can my husband - would be hugely hypocritical for me to tear him down when I can’t do it either. Would be like him being embarrassed that I couldn’t cook or sew.

I see no problem with him going to the gym whilst your dad puts up the curtain pole. Sounds like your dad lives reasonably close by if he can pop round to do some quick diy in which case it doesn’t need the whole family to be in to entertain him.

Another one who is #TeamDH. Can't see the issue with him popping out to the gym. Your reaction is very OTT @Tummytroublesagain1

My DH goes to the gym a lot now that he is in his 50s. He does a lot more weight lifting than cardio these days and a lot of the cardio you described he can no longer do as he broke his ankle a year ago and due to osteoporosis, it's very fragile. I walk my dogs and ride my ponies but I find the gym is excellent for helping me build muscle and keep my core strong. Walking and riding simply are not enough in my 50s.

Do you think the same when married people go to cafes? After all, there is tea and coffee at home.

And married people in restaurants? They can just eat at home!

Cinema? Films at home...Supermarket, when there is online shopping? Pub? Can buy drinks at home...

I mean why go anywhere if you are married?

How about the OP pops out to the gym at the same time and the kids and grandad can put up the curtain pole 😂?

I'm a bit suspicious of parents who just 'pop out' tbh. My friend once popped round to the shop to get some milk when the kids were asleep and came home to find no adult in the house. Her DH had just 'popped out' for a run without telling her and assumed she was still at home with the kids. Admittedly, their marriage is in trouble and it does seem to have turned into a competition as to who can leave the house first and land the other one with the DC.

Blue job? Anybody job. Women can put up curtain poles.

Exactly

And hubby is 55! Let him go out xx

What does his age have to do with this? He's still a parent.

My kids - boy and girl - both call me for DIY jobs. They know I will come and do it without a fuss. And I'm better at it

What an odd post. (And an odd attitude.) Must be stressful and exhausting living life like this, always so suspicious, and looking for the negative. Is your 'friend' actually you? 👀

No, if DH or I wanted to go out without the kids, we'd mention it in advance to make sure the other person was ok with it and agree the best time to go. So there wouldn't be any sudden announcement that one of us was 'just off to the gym'.

Both you and your husband can't put up a curtain rod?

I don't see anything wrong with him going up the gym while your dad comes over to do a super easy job for you. It's a one person job.

So the OP, her husband, the twins and her father all need to be present for the grand Putting Up a Curtain Pole ceremony?

Also, does that mean no parents are ever allowed to do anything without their kids, no nights out, no gym, no shopping? What an absolute bonkers view.

Also, missing the point. I doubt these twins are tiny people. The fact the OP refuses to divulge their age looks like they're about 16 and she just wants to complain about her husband when there's absolutely no need for him to be there.

Of course parents can do stuff without their kids but they have to agree in advance so that they know the other parent will be ok to be around to look after them.

I'm also not seeing the issue. Unless your Dad is one of those men who need an audience to, Oo and Ah, over every little job he does. Your gratitude should be enough. Sit your twins down and get them to make a thank you card. Or get a brass band in.

They're six.

Well obviously she was, her Dad is coming round.

76

But the OP wasn't ok with it.

Is there a reason why you don't want your DH out of the house when your dad comes round? If not then I really can't see the issue. I managed to put up curtain poles on my own whilst looking after an 18 month old.

For no valid reason, so she doesn't get to dictate.

So what? Why is her arbitrary preference more important than her husband’s? Seems really controlling to me to demand her husband be present for a job that will take her father, at the absolute most, ten minutes.

She wanted his support and asked if he could go to the gym later. She wasn't asking for him not to go at all. I'd postpone something if my DH asked, even if I didn't think it was particularly necessary, because I'm not selfish and his preferences are important to me.

What a load of rubbish!