Another selfish man thread

[Tummytroublesagain1]

Not after any pearls of wisdom but would be nice to vent

DH is mostly rubbish at DIY but admittedly is shit hot at putting together flat pack furniture

My dad is a joiner so I defer to him when I actually need holes drilling in the wall. I need a curtain pole putting up, so he’s very kindly offered to come this afternoon and put it up for US. The US is the important bit.

DH has just announced that he’s going to the gym - I’m like er no can you wait until later until after dad has been to do the curtain pole. Cue a mini tantrum from a 55 year old man about why can’t I help him instead.

I had to mansplain to him that actually it’s highly inappropriate to be out at the gym when my 76 year old dad comes over to do a job for us.

Send wine and chocolate

honestly it doesn’t warrant a leave the bastard but sometimes I do wonder………

Maybe your DH is going to the gym as he doesn't want to have to face your dad explaing that he really should be able to put up a curtain pole?

And also, he doesn't need to be there. I (a mere woman) have put up a curtain pole on my own. It's not a huge spectator sport. If your dad had been invited round for a general visit then agree it would be rude for DH to go out.

Agree with the OP. Totally disrespectful to know that someone is visiting you to help out and you bugger off to the gym. Sounds selfish/rude to me. Next time your in laws visit, I would return the favour and go out! See how he likes you disrespecting his parents.

In your post you said and I quote "I need a curtain pole putting up"

If I asked my dad for help, id expect to be around but wouldn't think twice of my husband going out. You're making a massive mountain out a mole hill. Why does your husband have to be the DIY person, why can't you? If I put my mind to it, I'm pretty sure you could put it up yourself.

It’s just as embarrassing that adult OP can’t put up the curtain pole as it is that her DH can’t. Blue job! Do you think her lady brain is incapable of drilling three holes?

Poor kids probably want to escape with him. 😂

Where is the posters self respect and shame that she can’t do a simple DIY task?

Then that's settled. They can all escape to the gym, and OP can help put up the curtain pole.

Or maybe OP can go out too, and the twins can help their grandad?

I genuinely don't think what your dh is doing is wrong.

He's your dad and you will be home for a brew and a catch up after he has done the pole?

Why exactly do you think its selfish?

This post is weird.

Even I can put up a curtain pole and I’m shite at DIY.

You just drill holes and pop it up. Easy.

What's with all the pp sticking up for OP's H?

As OP rightly pointed out this is THEIR home and OP's Dad is kindly coming over to do a job for THEIR benefit. He isn't a paid tradesman,. He is a relative doing THEM a favour

Whdido guys like OP's H get to go off and do their own thing and expect their DW and her family to facilitate the upkeep of the home and look after the children?

He could at least try and show some interest and manners by staying at home while OP's Dad does this favour that benefits his family home

I can't see what the problem is. I also don't think you DH has anything to be embarrassed about. Some people aren't great at DIY or just don't want to do it. Sounds like your dad Is more than Happy to help and probably enjoys it. It doesn't take more than 1 person to put up a curtain rod. What would your DH be doing if he was there just standing and watching?

Should op also be embarrassed that her dad needs to come to do the pole and she can't do it?

My Dad would've said to DH "d'you want to escape from your wife ( ie my dads's daughter) for a while and we'll get on with the curtain rail?".

The OPs Dad probably has his own way of working and might just fancy a quiet catch up with his own daughter ?

This is probably the case, and so what would make most sense and actually be helpful would be for the DH to take the kids out.

Maybe, OP, you should stop taking your father for granted, and pay for a joiner to come and do your odd jobs? Like an adult. Then you can all relax on a Sunday.

For me, its because its her dad and it doesn't take the whole family to be there watching him screw a curtain pole into the wall

If it was his mum or dad that he had asked then I would expect him to stay and have a brew with them before or after but I don't think everyone needs to stay in for the visit

I went to my inlaws to collect some stuff for them to take to the tip, I'd have found it really wierd if my mother in law hadn't gone to her social club that morning just because I was popping in to do them a favour.

I don't think putting a curtain pole up is a family occasion. I put one up myself a few weeks ago. No audience required. Also if your husband is 55 and your twins are young enough that they can't be left alone for half an hour he's probably going to the gym to get a break from very small children when he's pushing 60.

I don't see anything wrong with your hubby going out, at all. How tough a job do you think a rail is?

Presumably because those of us ‘sticking up’ for the DH don’t see how he’s done anything wrong here at all.

He’s putting up a curtain pole. That’s it. It’s hardly some occasion that both of them need to be present for.

I’ve been out when my in laws have visited, and my husband has been out when my family have as well. Similarly, neither side have had every member present when we’ve visited them. Genuinely do not see the problem whatsoever.

What? Why do you both need to stay in. Surely people don’t expect that do they? A curtain pole won’t take ten minutes. It’s pointless you both bring there

I am on your side. I HATE when husband/boyfriend is useless in DIY. You are not asking to build a house, it's a bloody curtain pole.

My dad would not have given a single fuck if DH went out and left me to help with the curtain. I don't get it.

Surely you can just put up a curtain pole if your husband won’t do it? Unless you’re disabled? Bit embarrassing neither of you can do it and you’ve asked you dad to come do it 🙈

How about that!

But that's not the problem. The problem is that he won't be present for the occasion of putting the rod up. Even though there are TWINS!