Another selfish man thread

[Tummytroublesagain1]

Not after any pearls of wisdom but would be nice to vent

DH is mostly rubbish at DIY but admittedly is shit hot at putting together flat pack furniture

My dad is a joiner so I defer to him when I actually need holes drilling in the wall. I need a curtain pole putting up, so he’s very kindly offered to come this afternoon and put it up for US. The US is the important bit.

DH has just announced that he’s going to the gym - I’m like er no can you wait until later until after dad has been to do the curtain pole. Cue a mini tantrum from a 55 year old man about why can’t I help him instead.

I had to mansplain to him that actually it’s highly inappropriate to be out at the gym when my 76 year old dad comes over to do a job for us.

Send wine and chocolate

honestly it doesn’t warrant a leave the bastard but sometimes I do wonder………

“You are not asking to build a house, it's a bloody curtain pole”…….. So why can’t OP do it? Unless there is a drop feed that the twins are 2 weeks old and she had a C-section.

I really don't think I would care about this one bit

It doesn’t take both of you to be home to help the person who’s coming to helping you, it’s overkill.

You making out this is a male job and it’s an issue that your husband can’t do it himself is sexist and one could ask why you haven’t learned to do it yourself?

How old are your children? Unless they’re 5 or under you can’t really use them as an excuse as to why you can’t help your Dad.

Were all quick to preach equal rights for women etc so why is putting up a curtain pole suddenly out of the question for a female?

It's a fucking curtain pole

I agree. I hate it when a wife is useless at sewing. They should embarrassed to get other people to take up curtains or make a cushion! It’s a pink job!

I’d have thought with your dad being a joiner, that he would have taught you some basic DIY over the years. Maybe you can ask him to show you when he comes over 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's always twins...

YABU.

No, I get it.

When we were first together, my dad, who was great at DIY came over with a new loo seat, a couple of shelves and bits and bobs.

My husband sat in the bedroom on his Xbox like a teenager while my dad got on with it. I did say, can you come out, have a chat, bring him a tea? (My dad was one of those men who liked to do a bit of DIY “bonding” with other men, he would have liked to have had a chat with dh, asked him to pass the screwdriver, you know what I mean).

He just sat there all afternoon like a 15 year old. I said, “you know, he’s doing all this, it would be nice if you could at least go and have a tea with him.”

”I didn’t ask him to do it” was his reply. (And no, he doesn’t have any redeeming features).

So I get where you are coming from. Your dad is doing something to help you both out. Him sticking around and a few nice words is the least he can do.

Parents don't get to run away from their kids, even if they're pushing 60.

Exactly. Women can't have it both ways. I am always astonished when women expect their husbands to be able to do DIY. Unless he is a joiner by trade, why should he? Plus some men who do DIY are really annoying. I know one man who insists on doing everything himself because he is too cheap to hire anyone, with the result that he does a shoddy job and then has to hire someone anyway!

I am one of the majority that does not see the need for your dh to be in to see your dad unless there are other issues at play, ie you are disabled, your twins are younger than 2…?Maybe if you explain the situation more, people would understand where you are coming from.

I don't see the problem in your husband going to the gym whilst your father puts a curtain pole up.

It really doesn’t require three people. I, a single woman have put many curtain poles up by myself.

Can't see the big deal.

I just want to know how old OP's dad is.

A "selfish man" thread?
The least selfish person in it is the older man!
Not saying older people can't do things, obviously they can and do, but it's a fact that they're more likely to have health conditions which make DIY difficult. Yet he's the one doing it, so this is a pro man post.

I'm not sure what the problem is or why such secrecy about the age of your twins.
You can spend some time with your dad while your husband's at the gym. When he gets back you can have some time to yourself while your husband looks after the twins.
It's entirely 'appropriate' for the person who asked for the favour to assist with the work if required and say thank you.

So you think once you have kids you don't get to go anywhere or do anything without them?. What a miserable life that would be.

He could've waiting half hour to chat to your dad, as he's doing you both a fav, that wouldn't have hurt him then gone to the gym after.
But no, not the end of the world I guess, just a bit rude. Enjoy chatting to your dad instead!

76

There are absolutely countless threads on MN where the OP is left to do literally everything to do with the running of the home, the childcare and all the administration. And the guy does absolutely nothing apart from possibly going out to work. The rest of the time he pleases himself. And on these threads generally the view point is the upkeep of the home, the childcare, the admin shouldn't be just up to the woman in the marriage or partnership. It is joint responsibility
So this might be just "a fucking curtain pole " - to quote your eloquent expression- but the principle is just the same as on all these other threads. Just another example of the woman being left to sort everything while the guy walzes off to enjoy himself.

I'm 55 and can't do DIY. What am I going to do, be made to stand in the corner like a dunce.

Let him go out for heavens sake

I don't see the issue here either. You and your dad deal with the curtain pole.
Even if twins are little then I am sure they can sit for 5 mins with a screen if necessary.

Women can't have it both ways.

We don't get anything both ways, I assure you. The world is really not geared around our terrible amoral hypocrisy over curtain poles, whatever that saucepan-faced twat on X with the tight shirts and pedal pushers tells you.

TWINS!!

It's the principle of the thing. Why should it be down to OP to organise this while he goes off to enjoy himself. Why is it the woman's job on top of all the other things she has to do?