Another selfish man thread

[Tummytroublesagain1]

Not after any pearls of wisdom but would be nice to vent

DH is mostly rubbish at DIY but admittedly is shit hot at putting together flat pack furniture

My dad is a joiner so I defer to him when I actually need holes drilling in the wall. I need a curtain pole putting up, so he’s very kindly offered to come this afternoon and put it up for US. The US is the important bit.

DH has just announced that he’s going to the gym - I’m like er no can you wait until later until after dad has been to do the curtain pole. Cue a mini tantrum from a 55 year old man about why can’t I help him instead.

I had to mansplain to him that actually it’s highly inappropriate to be out at the gym when my 76 year old dad comes over to do a job for us.

Send wine and chocolate

honestly it doesn’t warrant a leave the bastard but sometimes I do wonder………

If he is 55 the twins have probably either already moved out or at least are old enough to help their grandfather. 😂

Yeah, if they're 21, they're probably ok 😂.

I'd still get arsey about my DH leaving me with both the curtain pole and 7yos though to go and do something 'fun', unless it was previously agreed that this was what he was going to do. If there are kids needing childcare in the house, neither parent gets to go out without okaying it with the other imo. Because otherwise that's saying one parent is 'default' and that's not ok.

How old are the twins?

My husband is also hopeless at DIY but good at putting together flatpack furniture. I learned to do DIY. I hung all of the blinds in the house. Drilling is easy. We have hands too.

Yes, much better when women stick to tearing down men.

6 year olds are capable of entertaining themselves for 10 minutes whilst you help your dad, if he needs it.

Horses for courses I guess. I don’t see the issue here at all. He’s fitting a curtain pole not renovating your loft, it’ll take half an hour tops. Why does your DH need to be there? He fits the pole, you make him a coffee have a chat, you look after the kids. Why would your dad be offended if your DH isn’t there, given he isn’t doing anything relating to the curtain pole? Let the man go to the gym, jeez.

Surely you are not saying that at 6 years old they need looking after so that you van’t help your dad for 10 minutes or even an hour if that is what it takes..

if this is all you have to complain about you’re going well 😅

Jesus this is why we will always live in a patriarchy, because women just love to tear each other down

Oh please. If we had that much power we'd be able to put up curtain rods.

It depends on where it is. There's one in my house that I wouldn't be able to manage at all.

This!

I just don't think this a big deal. Nothing with bringing women down, I'd say the same if it was a man complaining in the exact same situation

What's the deal for the gym?

You get the kids and the pole, he gets the gym, and then he's minding the kids, cooking dinner and cleaning the house while you go for a quiet run afterwards?

But at 7 I was helping dad change gearboxes on cars, wallpapering etc

I could also entertain myself...

Jesus this is why we will always live in a patriarchy, because women just love to tear each other down

The opposite. You are a woman. You can help putting up a curtain pole.

Edited because I saw the age of twins but you are still unreasonable the way you are reacting to posters here.

I don’t think your twins being there has much to do with it as they’re not babies/toddlers, unless there are particular complexities which mean that two adults are needed to look after them. Do you need to help your dad by holding up the curtain pole, and the twins can’t be left for a few minutes for whatever reason, like particular needs? (Not an expert in putting up curtain poles!)

I don’t personally think it’s necessary otherwise for your husband to be there just out of ‘politeness’ as that could become very restrictive over time. It’s not a social visit specifically and I’m sure your dad wouldn’t mind your husband being out unless he’s quite unreasonable. It would be different if it was a pattern and your husband always chose to go out when his in laws came over.

a lot of irrelevant stuff posted, but bottom line your husband doesn't need to be there for this.

if there are bigger issues between husband and your folks, thats a different topic, but on this issue alone you are being completely unreasonable

It's almost as mortifying as when a woman is unable to put up a curtain pole herself and expects men to do it for her.

Why should your husband be responsible for putting up the pole, can't you do it? I can't see the problem with him being out when your dad is around.

I get it op. It’s just rude of DH. It would be polite to hand around for a bit, chat, make a cup of tea for your dad and thank him. It’s not a gender issue. Just a manners one.

I am always wary of married people going to gyms. Especially gym bros. Sorry. What is wrong with the great outdoors for keeping fit? So many options! Walking, cycling, running, horse-riding, etc.?

Our twins are 6 - is that sufficient for everyone

They can entertain themselves while you help your Dad OP. They are 6! I thought you were talking about babies, who would have been fine for a while too tbf.
Honestly, unless this is the straw that broke the camels back then it's fine for him to go to the gym. My Dad helps us out all the time, keeps him busy and out of my Mums hair, and we both nip in and out. He might go for a run, I might go to the gym or we might all take the dog out, it's not a problem and my Dad doesn't think twice.

What do you think we do? Hump the adductor machine?

Well I am with the OP. Its rude to go out when someone is coming round to do you, as a family, a favour. Its treating him like the hired help without the part where he gets paid!

It would be different if they had an appointment that coincided with the only time he could pop round, they would arrange it like that. But this is just plain rude.