AIBU to ask for help re DD who has gone away for weekend when she should have been working

[NCforobviousreasons1]

How would you deal with the disrespect of an almost 19 yr old DD who has been paid for a job in advance this weekend by me and DH, not done it and used the money to go away for an impromptu weekend instead “because she’s an adult with free will”. Job can’t be done at any other time. Asked her to transfer the money back and she switched off phone. She’s due home on Monday.
No other real problems with her, generally good (but bad with money and entitled)

Mumsnet loves it when someone else's kid fucks up.

Yep this.

Tell her if she wants to be treated like an adult you will. No paying for anything for her. Take away her access to wifi and everything until the money she STOLE from you is repaid.

But not quite as much as when someone else’s DH fucks up.

The kid being a 19 yo woman who is acting like a 10 yo.

Lesson learnt. In future pay her after she's done the job.

adult with free will

do you still cook and and do her Landry? does she work or is she in education?

I think she may go hungry and dirty for a while as those adults caring for her may also find some free will is lodged in their throats and unable to function

my view is to go down the adult responsibilities route or sell some of her items of my choosing to repay it.

that will not achieve anything but more entitlement, "you sold my stuff" all you are ding is creating drama for her and the entitled love chaos and drama

best of ignoring and literally backing off from doing absolutely anything for her, she has turned off her phone as she knows she is in the wrong.

Disappointment and backing off will teach her far more about how life will go if she behaves like this

imagine you had a friend that did this, you'd have it out with them, text them and tell them they are way out of order and need to repay the money - you'd have it out with them and then back off. You'd not be inviting them to dinner or doing their chores

If she’s going to behave like a child I think it’s fair to confiscate some of her things.

She is presumably earning enough money to move out, given she claims to be an adult with free will. Otherwise she’s an adult dependent on her mother to provide a roof over her head so her choices aren’t as free as she thinks.

And actually she’s old enough to be working - if she does that in the workplace, her manager wouldn’t be ‘disappointed’ and back off. She would face proper consequences potentially.

Kindly OP, have you allowed her to get away with being entitled and irresponsible ?

No other real problems with her, generally good (but bad with money and entitled)

She sounds far from good. Try as I might, I cannot imagine my dd pulling a stunt like this. She clearly doesn't give a fuck about what this has caused.

You have bigger issues than being down £120

I would be apoplectic at this and simmering with rage at her then turning her phone off. She has obviously never had to suffer real consequences in her life.

I have no doubt she’s spent the £120 on her weekend away with friends. Which is typical teenage behaviour of living in the moment and facing the consequences later.
OP doesn’t mention a job so she may have no way of paying them back apart from reducing her future privileges or allowance. Cue more frustration. She’s in a tight place.
When she returns I’d ask HER how she intends to make up for this breach of trust. Her answer will set the tone.

So it takes a certain type of mum who starts a thread in AIBU basically encouraging posters to bitch about their child, I always think

This crossed my mind reading the OP too