WTF! Mums friend called to lecture me and tell me off!? PART 2

[Meganandbaby]

Ok so this very bizarre.

so I made a post on here about how my mums friend (not even close friend, someone she has coffee with couple times a year) called and angrily told me off and shamed me about a private family decision. And began telling me what to do.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/amibeingunreasonable/5563138-mums-friend-called-me-to-lecture-me-shame-me-and-tell-me-off-and-telling-me-what-to-do

(it was about deciding to use some of our savings for private nhs treatment as waiting list was too long. Another was about my sister buying a home and us using some of our big savings for deposit gift, she said that’s idiotic because we can get a council home instead, (why she thinks she would even be eligible for council home I have no idea)

i ended up blocking her.

I now find out she called my brother and began interfering in another family situation. This is even more bizarre!

So my brother became disabled.

she angrily demanded he make my mum his carer so she can retire 2 years earlier and doesn’t have to work and can stay home?

And to apply for council house so my mom can go live with him in this council home and doesn’t have to privately rent??

using same very angry language lecturing him like a child such as “have you no shame” your poor overworked mother suffering because of you” “you are being a burden to your mom” “you like living like this don’t you” “don’t get offended” “no offence”

”you know sometimes healthy people live shorter lives than sick people” “your mom is going to end up dying because you refuse to help her!!!!!”

my brother shocked and startled, (she was very, very angry with angry face pointing finger at him) blurted out he can’t as he has very large savings and he works to get her to leave him alone, to which she replied, I TOLD YOU ALREADY GET RID OF THEM! Quit your job!! TO SAVE YOUR MOTHER!

Now, other than being shocked I’m also extremely weirded out and confused. Because this makes no sense!

why does this woman think my brother qualifies for a council house for simply being disabled? you need to have a need

for carers You must care for the individual for a minimum of 35 hours weekly which she doesn’t do? Not even close to that amount. And even if she did my mom never told him she wants this?

i spoke to my mum and she said other than complaining that she is very tired from working, and that she has been struggling with some health issues and has a 2 years to go till state pension she never said anything else to to this woman.

This woman she said few times advised since her son is disabled, he should apply for disability (she never told her if he gets it or not ) so he “can make mum his carer” so my mum can retire early?

and if he is disabled he can apply for council house so my mum can come live with him and doesn’t have to pay expensive private rent?

My mum told her they have no plans to do this and it’s not how it works at all but she wouldn’t listen and keep suggesting this.

i guess she decided to take matters into her own hands?

Hi OP - sorry, nothing to add but I have seen some horrible messages in response to you just asking for advice/help. Hope it turns out OK but just wanted to wish you well x

Good lord, @REP22 , while you have some good ideas if you're "starting to find it a challenge to understand why you are not doing anything about this woman and her harassment" and starting questioning her in the 5th degree as to what actions the OP is taking, I think you need to step back a bit from the thread and keep in mind that the OP is a normal person, surprised and taken aback by this woman's aggressiveness and inquisition, and might need to think and process a bit.

Don't become the old woman's apprentice, eh?

Tell her to fuck off and mind her own business before she ends up on disability.

She is clearly mentally ill. As others say i would save evidence and report to police...and obviously block her and avoid her

@ReleaseTheDucksOfWar this is the second lengthy thread on the same subject. I have only posted three times across both. I sympathise greatly with the OP.

Update:

So we have contacted her son today. About possible dementia

He said that’s just the way his mum is. She’s always been like this. that’s why he and his siblings are very low contact/no contact.

that she also becomes obsessive with peoples lives, is very grandiose and is extremely controlling.

And why rest of family stay away from her and she has no friends. (Which is surprise to my mum as she claimed to have dinner parties every week and huge social life in great detail)

And that while extremely unpleasant we shouldn’t worry because she is harmless and won’t actually do anything to hurt us (physically)

@Meganandbaby that's very reassuring to hear. Thank you for the update. I'm glad you were able to make contact with her son (it must be a really rotten situation for him). Hopefully she will get bored with you and your family in time and move onto another obsession.

I hope you soon have the peace that you deserve back in your life.

Best wishes to you. x

Lots of adjectives and vivid descriptions. Were you there? You said she called your brother(phone?). Then she was wagging her finger in his face? She does sound unhinged if this is all true but it sounds weird to me. Ignore her. Tell her to mind her own business?

Exactly this. What has your mum said about this all?

it was on WhatsApp video

you think I’m being dramatic because I’m very angry and upset this psycho is telling my disabled vulnerable brother he is a burden and my mum will die because of him?

People come online/mumsnet to rant/make sense of things/get validation/comfort all the time. not just practical advice.

Do you have a problem with that?

do you not see I’m here for that and not just practical advice?

Blocking her and contacting police (which has already been done) doesn’t change the fact that I’m very upset at this bizarre and very cruel verbal assault on my vulnerable brother.

and my mom being confused someone was was friends with 20 years would suddenly behave so strange.

OP this sounds horrendous, and I wish people would actually read your posts before sticking their collective oars in, they're making up their own versions. I hope she gets the help she clearly needs, but she's not your responsibility. Log every hostile call, message and meeting with the police, quite honestly I don't know what else you can do. Sorry 🌺

Where are you getting I didn’t block her and considering police if she turns up again?

And I didn’t know you can’t come on mumsnet to rant/get validation/comfort

as for “melodramatic” calling someone that when they are upset and angry their younger vulnerable disabled loved one was attacked and confused a friend of 20 years would act like this says a lot about you.

Says a lot about you then.

@Meganandbaby please ignore the unpleasant posters. Remember that Mumsnet has, unfortunately, a proportion of people who have an agenda to be nasty to people - on Reddit there are forums where some posters have said they enjoy trying to undermine people who post here for support, and who aim to try to make Mumsnet a hostile place.

Mumsnet moderation could do more imo, but note also that a lot of the more nasty posts have been deleted.

... and indeed, Chrom's horrible comment has been deleted.