WTF! Mums friend called to lecture me and tell me off!? PART 2

[Meganandbaby]

Ok so this very bizarre.

so I made a post on here about how my mums friend (not even close friend, someone she has coffee with couple times a year) called and angrily told me off and shamed me about a private family decision. And began telling me what to do.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/amibeingunreasonable/5563138-mums-friend-called-me-to-lecture-me-shame-me-and-tell-me-off-and-telling-me-what-to-do

(it was about deciding to use some of our savings for private nhs treatment as waiting list was too long. Another was about my sister buying a home and us using some of our big savings for deposit gift, she said that’s idiotic because we can get a council home instead, (why she thinks she would even be eligible for council home I have no idea)

i ended up blocking her.

I now find out she called my brother and began interfering in another family situation. This is even more bizarre!

So my brother became disabled.

she angrily demanded he make my mum his carer so she can retire 2 years earlier and doesn’t have to work and can stay home?

And to apply for council house so my mom can go live with him in this council home and doesn’t have to privately rent??

using same very angry language lecturing him like a child such as “have you no shame” your poor overworked mother suffering because of you” “you are being a burden to your mom” “you like living like this don’t you” “don’t get offended” “no offence”

”you know sometimes healthy people live shorter lives than sick people” “your mom is going to end up dying because you refuse to help her!!!!!”

my brother shocked and startled, (she was very, very angry with angry face pointing finger at him) blurted out he can’t as he has very large savings and he works to get her to leave him alone, to which she replied, I TOLD YOU ALREADY GET RID OF THEM! Quit your job!! TO SAVE YOUR MOTHER!

Now, other than being shocked I’m also extremely weirded out and confused. Because this makes no sense!

why does this woman think my brother qualifies for a council house for simply being disabled? you need to have a need

for carers You must care for the individual for a minimum of 35 hours weekly which she doesn’t do? Not even close to that amount. And even if she did my mom never told him she wants this?

i spoke to my mum and she said other than complaining that she is very tired from working, and that she has been struggling with some health issues and has a 2 years to go till state pension she never said anything else to to this woman.

This woman she said few times advised since her son is disabled, he should apply for disability (she never told her if he gets it or not ) so he “can make mum his carer” so my mum can retire early?

and if he is disabled he can apply for council house so my mum can come live with him and doesn’t have to pay expensive private rent?

My mum told her they have no plans to do this and it’s not how it works at all but she wouldn’t listen and keep suggesting this.

i guess she decided to take matters into her own hands?

tell this woman that you are going to the police for harassment. That she is a nobody to your family and she is harassing all of you.

How in the name of God has she your DB’s telephone number?
Why was she not already blocked on every device owned by every member of the family?

few years ago she hired him to do some work around the house. I guess she had his number saved

She is not a friend.

She also hasn't a clue what she's talking about. Carer's allowance is a pittance, not an amount you can retire on.

Just block her. All of you. And tell her you'll go to the police about harassment if she tries it again.

You, your mum and your brother need to tell her to fuck off and call the police if she contacts any of yog again

What does your mother make of all this? Presumably she’s mortified that her “friend” is causing you both so much hassle

It sounds like she is unhealthy obsessed with your mother/your family and is simultaneously mentally declining or having other mental health issues because this is very very weird.

I would send her a message via text or email asking her to stop contacting you or you will consider it harassment and have to take things further. I would advise your brother to do the same.

I would have a word with your mother about their relationship and at minimum putting friend on an information diet. Tbh though I would think less of my mother for continuing a friendship with someone who is acting like this and harassing her children.

What does your mother make of all this? Is she being proactive at all?

Who is this woman, i want to meet her, I bet she'd be bloody entertaining, albeit crazy 😩

Block her. Or give her the same treatment back. And then block her.

I’d offer to wind her neck in for her since she obviously can’t do it herself, if she ever contacts anyone in your family ever again.

last time when my mum tried to tell her there needs to be a need to get a council home such as being evicted she replied

”OMG LETS HOPE YOU GET EVICTED, PLEASE BE EVICTED, PLEASE BE EVICTED!”

WHAT. THE HELL.

Your mother needs to either put her in her place or stop being friends with her altogether.
How has your mother stayed friends with this woman who has harassed her grown children?
Disgraceful behaviour. 😠 😡 😤

Nope, you and your brother need to block her.
She could have a medical condition like a UTI or maybe showing the early stages of mental decline.
Either way, she sounds unhinged and your family financials are NONE of her business.
💯
Best of luck OP.
@Meganandbaby

Could your mum be downplaying how much she complained to this woman? If not it’s so bizarre I would ask her not to contact you again but message one of her family members if you can to briefly explain and check she’s not in a mental health crisis.

OP- why on earth havent you all blocked this woman? she's clearly completely unhinged and this is verging on harassment now.

Tell her to STFU or you'll be reporting her to the police

Actually- I suspect your mother isnt telling you the truth here. I think she has been moaning and complaining to her and isnt being honest with you about it. If the situation was exactly as you say it is, most people would be raging if someone was hassling their adult children like she is doing- especially since she is harassing your brother who is disabled.

Your mum isnt being honest here

Yes I was going to suggest the same thing. Sounds like Mum might have said a lot more than she'd care to admit because it makes her look bad?

You won't find out what's going on in her head so don't even try. Get everyone to block her.

What time of day does this happen, usually? Evenings, then I'd bet it was after a drink. Sounds like a loss of control associated with alcohol use to me. Or deteriorating mental health.

Are you sure your mum isn’t more involved with this woman than she is letting on?

It sounds like a mental health issue.

My mum is thankfully well for now but one of the warning signs for me is that she gets overly worked up about other people’s financial / housing situations. She has no reason to, everyone is all living well, but she thinks she is somehow responsible for making things happen. Sometimes no amount of reassurance works.

Your brother needs to tell her to mind her own business and then the whole family need to block her. She sounds utterly deranged.

I'm really confused. Did she call your brother on zoom or did she call round to talk to him... ("she was very, very angry with angry face pointing finger at him")

If its a phone call. you all have the option to hang up and block. Also.. if in person. Video her and play it back to her Loudly.

But this all seems to stem from your mum.

She sounded very confused about why this woman was acting this way towards you both, yet the only person who could have told this woman the information in the first place was your mum.

I think you need to call the police on 101 and report this. She sounds disturbed.

Your mum needs to sort this out with her.

I thought perhaps there’s something spurring her on, like alcohol or some sort of confusion / early dementia or such … what did your mum say about the contacts she’s made with you siblings?

She sounds ill to me. It reminds me of some the things people with dementia do in the earlier stages.