WTF! Mums friend called to lecture me and tell me off!? PART 2

[Meganandbaby]

Ok so this very bizarre.

so I made a post on here about how my mums friend (not even close friend, someone she has coffee with couple times a year) called and angrily told me off and shamed me about a private family decision. And began telling me what to do.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/amibeingunreasonable/5563138-mums-friend-called-me-to-lecture-me-shame-me-and-tell-me-off-and-telling-me-what-to-do

(it was about deciding to use some of our savings for private nhs treatment as waiting list was too long. Another was about my sister buying a home and us using some of our big savings for deposit gift, she said that’s idiotic because we can get a council home instead, (why she thinks she would even be eligible for council home I have no idea)

i ended up blocking her.

I now find out she called my brother and began interfering in another family situation. This is even more bizarre!

So my brother became disabled.

she angrily demanded he make my mum his carer so she can retire 2 years earlier and doesn’t have to work and can stay home?

And to apply for council house so my mom can go live with him in this council home and doesn’t have to privately rent??

using same very angry language lecturing him like a child such as “have you no shame” your poor overworked mother suffering because of you” “you are being a burden to your mom” “you like living like this don’t you” “don’t get offended” “no offence”

”you know sometimes healthy people live shorter lives than sick people” “your mom is going to end up dying because you refuse to help her!!!!!”

my brother shocked and startled, (she was very, very angry with angry face pointing finger at him) blurted out he can’t as he has very large savings and he works to get her to leave him alone, to which she replied, I TOLD YOU ALREADY GET RID OF THEM! Quit your job!! TO SAVE YOUR MOTHER!

Now, other than being shocked I’m also extremely weirded out and confused. Because this makes no sense!

why does this woman think my brother qualifies for a council house for simply being disabled? you need to have a need

for carers You must care for the individual for a minimum of 35 hours weekly which she doesn’t do? Not even close to that amount. And even if she did my mom never told him she wants this?

i spoke to my mum and she said other than complaining that she is very tired from working, and that she has been struggling with some health issues and has a 2 years to go till state pension she never said anything else to to this woman.

This woman she said few times advised since her son is disabled, he should apply for disability (she never told her if he gets it or not ) so he “can make mum his carer” so my mum can retire early?

and if he is disabled he can apply for council house so my mum can come live with him and doesn’t have to pay expensive private rent?

My mum told her they have no plans to do this and it’s not how it works at all but she wouldn’t listen and keep suggesting this.

i guess she decided to take matters into her own hands?

Call her children, tell them she’s being a nuisance, you are concerned about her mind, and you will report her to police if they don’t get her in hand.

As others have said, don't engage.
Someone is telling her things about your family, I presume your mum. As soon as you tell her she seems to think she's now involved and she has a say in your lives.

Literally the only thing now is to block and ignore, do not give her any more reason to come knocking or calling. If she gets persistent or aggro then report her to the police.

Your dealings with the police have obviously been more favourable than most people’s. Don’t be so naive

She is behaving like a stalker.

However, none of this will work unless you have your Mum's full agreement to block her entirely.

They have not always been favourable, though in the case of a man stalking and kerb crawling my youngest DD they were fine.

When my eldest DD was burgled at her house in London they took two days to even arrive. Other incidents too.

It's mixed. That doesn't mean you shouldn't call them though, for things that are literally part of their job. Harassment is a police matter.

I agree this sounds exactly like the sort of thing both my parents would pull! The womens probably got sick to death of hearing your mums poor me routine and hit breaking point! My parents would also totally deny it and would get massively offended if challenged.

Has your mum blocked this woman and told her to leave her alone? She sounds deranged. If she is continuing to contact you and other family members after you have blocked her (using other devices) i would contact thd police.

Why are any of you engaging in the detail of her argument rather than just telling her she’s massively out of order and that she should leave you all alone permanently?

Ok IV been in this exact situation. The best way os to starve her of attention and act as if she is irrelevant..A thumbs up to a text or replying days later will frustrate her. Shel either give up or blow up spectacularly. She isn't bothered about your mother she wants the attention, power and authority, dint give her up. Be strong x

what the??

there are my posts on mumsnet everyday where people ask about stuff where the solution is very simple but they just need to rant/vent/handhold/validation.

me blocking her (twice now) doesn’t change fact I’m left shocked about this situation as it so ridiculous and trying to understand what is going through her head and why on earth someone would act like that

to claim I find this exciting and fun when this woman was so incredibly rude and disrespectful to our family and basically told my vulnerable brother he is a burden is absolutely insane and ridiculous.

I’m trying to make sense of why someone would suddenly start acting so bizarre

i really don’t appreciate you coming into my thread making such accusations.

Shellshocked and upset is a very vague description of events I'm sure you will agree.

What do you mean. What should I of said?

Nothing.. silence is golden

I’ve done all this expect call the police.

btw this woman is old and disabled herself so even more reason police wouldn’t take this serious

About blocking, I did this. But like I said earlier, she somehow found my brothers old phone number from she hired him years ago and called from another phone.

Elderly and disabled? That's a tough one.. can't get physical so maybe play on her weaknesses

I know about blocking, reporting etc

I guess I’m asking on here because I’m just so shocked at her behaviour. Despite meeting couple times a year my mum knew her 20 years. She was always nice to us.

i am just trying to understand why on earth someone would suddenly act like this? It’s just very bizarre.

I hope you know the number for the mental health crisis team cos she needs them.
The fact that you say your brother became disabled after she phoned him is enough surely?

@Meganandbaby I think it's pretty clear that she's now mentally unstable or possibly suffering from cognitive decline, some dementia sufferers can be aggressive.

You mentioned her son. If you have any way of getting in touch with him, you might want to let him know that his Mum is behaving like this. He may be unaware.

Don't make fun of disableds or should I say those less fortunate. Play nice or make like a banana and split.

Sounds like dementia. I'd call for a wellness check.

There are no reasons that can be understood by sane people as to why mental people do mental things. They do it for fun, pleasure, because they're deranged and really believe it - who knows?

Block her, do report to the police and remember Baby Reindeer. You can't reason with unreasonable people.

Only problem is she would start telling your bewildered family what's what.