AIBU to feel upset my parents are selling their holiday home?

[DeeDeeDodo]

So I do know I am being unreasonable... but my parents own a holiday home abroad, which we go to with our kids 3-4 times a year as we absolutely love it and it is a cost effective way to have a holiday as we only pay for the flights and cleaner. I've been going for 30 years so feels like a home from home.

My parents are finding it too much to manage and get there so were going to let me and my brother take over management. However, they have now changed their minds and are going to sell it. They openly say they don't need the money, but they want to dispose of it as they're not using it. It is worth a fair amount (more than my house) and the money is just going to sit in a bank account not doing anything for anybody - my parents won't require it for care even if that time comes as they have other means.

I realise this is completely their choice, but I am crushed. I have so many of my happiest memories there, espeically of my children. It enables so much quality family time for us, which as the children get older I know will become more challenging to get at home.

We also won't really be able to afford holidays now. We both work full time in demanding jobs with long hours and have always had the next trip there booked so always had that to look forward to.

Not really sure what I am saying, but I find it upsetting that something so important to me, my husband and kids will be gone for no benefit to anybody.

Ask them not to sell it for sentimental reasons. Tell them youll manage it with your brpther and they can still visit whenever. If it's coming to you and your brother anyway, they could transfer ownership to you now and 7 years later, it may also avoid inheritance tax (dont rely on what I've said, pls check this out with prof advice).

But obvs it's their choice and whatever the money then funds is their choice too.

I feel for you. If it was my DD asking me to a keep a house under the circumstances you describe, I would not sell it.

It's nice that you can afford to travel to lots of new places. I think if we could I would maybe feel differently, but I think we will be quite restricted.

Yes, but we were offering to take the work on. Would struggle on the expense, but they've never said that was an issue.

My brother is sad too. We had an agreement that we would take over all the management, which is why it is upsetting they've gone back on it. Would struggle with expenses (my brother could afford but definitely tricky for just him to pay it and not us) but my parents have never said the cost is an issue.

I refuse to own any other property apart from the one I live in so turned the chance to co-own a similar property. I get why your parents can't be doing with owning this property - I guess what you're saying is that they could have signed it over to you and your sibling but what you might have found is that owning a property overseas isn't quite as straightforward as you suppose - there is maintenance in a foreign country/legal stuff/taxes/amenities etc and when you co-own, there is always the balancing act of who does what/who has the best slots.

Maybe you have had good times whilst your parents have taken the responsibility and you have been unaware of that. I get it, we used to use a holiday cottage owned by my in laws but it was only as they got older that I realised how hard they had been working to keep it up to scratch and in the end, they just couldn't do it anymore. Sometimes you just have to be grateful for what you have had but I get why you'd mourn the loss.

You've still not acknowledged my point (and others') that a property abroad is a huge responsibility and an administrative, legal and financial burden. And it's not as though your parents can still get any amount of personal pleasure from visiting it now.

You expect them to keep it on, have the maintenance responsibility, the utilities and local taxes, and the future issues around international inheritance law or access to funds for care, just so you can go on multiple trips there that they can no longer have?

Again, I totally understand your emotional attachment to it, but as an elderly couple, they are doing the right thing for them, and almost certainly making life easier for you when you have to deal with their probate and estate, or manage an LPA.

I was looking for the most egregious application of " Your kids didn't ask to be born' and threats to not offer eldercare, and I think it's this thread.

If, after 30 years of offering 4 holidays a year you get tired of doing so, remember : Your kids didn't ask to be born! And they won't visit you in your care home!

But they would still be bearing the costs - so every time something goes wrong and needs fixing they will know about it

my parents sold their second home because my mum just couldn’t deal with the stress of it being there like a millstone - not the cost but the upkeep and security etc etc. so I can understand how your mum feels and it seems selfish to try and stop them severing a link that is bringing them stress

Sorry OP. I can understand why you feel upset. The upkeep could be costly so in some ways selling might be cleaner/easier in their eyes.

Do your parents know how sad you feel? Is the conversation now over for good or could you and your brother come up with a joint proposal that he (and you contribute) reimburse capital gains due if they sign over to you both? Fair thing to do would be to repay him half. Whether that be by remortgaging etc or taking extra hours.

The problem with your current approach is maybe it’s all gain for you and DB but not for your folks. If as it seems it is really important to you, you could at least try and find a way.

Also when you go away do you invite your Mum if your DF can’t travel?

You do I am afraid, we have had financial advice on this, you have to pay CGT in Spain at 19% and then 24% in the UK - but you offset the difference so you would pay 24% in total. Unless Burnham increases it to 40%...

Why dont you buy it?

Yes. DB buys 50% and OP could agree to repay her half to their parents every month?

How much is the 24% capital gains and property worth?

How old are your parents and how old are you, if I may ask?

my parents sold their second home because my mum just couldn’t deal with the stress of it being there like a millstone - not the cost but the upkeep and security etc etc

Exactly. I could have put my late mum's home into the hands of an agency to run. But it would still be there. Still a thing that I was ultimately responsible for. Something that I didn't want or need. I just wanted to clear that space in my head that it took up. And yes, I didn't want my kids to have to deal with all the complex tax and legalities and two years of legal stuff until probate could finally be sorted, when I go.

It's an age thing. When you have less time left on the planet, you want to lift some of your burden. And this property is a mental burden to your parents.

Yes you pay tax on gifts to connected persons based on market value. There is gift relief but you would need advice to see if it would apply

She's explained why, multiple times. Read the thread, or at least all her posts.

All of it

Could you look at your income/expenses? I'm a single parent, one child, no financial contribution from his dad, and me and my son go on one big holiday over the summer (thousands but not tens of thousands) plus one or two other trips (camping and/or city breaks) plus I go away with my sister in a spa break abroad every year. My only income is what I make (self-employed) and child benefit, I'm not rolling in it, but holidaying is one of my priorities.

I am sorry you are sad. The end.

It might be that the annual costs are issue for your parents but they just don't want to say.

No business of yours what they do. So many offspring in these pages being quite demanding of their parents

If it’s a tax issue then could you and your brother cover the capital gains tax bill? Is the bill less or more than cluminative inheritance tax?

Could there be financial concerns that you don’t know about?

Where abouts is it OP? My first thought was Florida

If your parents did gift it to you and your DB, can you afford all the maintenance, upkeep, local taxes etc? Or will your DB have to take on that burden? That's somewhat unfair if that is the case regardless of whether he is happy to do it or not. And eventually I think DB would become resentful that he is basically providing you with cheap holidays.

Ah, that's no good then. I think you can sell to family for a lower price, but you have to bear in mind that extra CGT may be payable when you come to sell it.
It's a shame, but I think I understand your parents' wish to let the house go. As I get older, owning bricks and mortar feels more and more of a burden especially when it's some distance away and especially with climate change taking its toll.

Here's hoping you find some lovely new ways to holiday as a family.