AIBU to feel upset my parents are selling their holiday home?

[DeeDeeDodo]

So I do know I am being unreasonable... but my parents own a holiday home abroad, which we go to with our kids 3-4 times a year as we absolutely love it and it is a cost effective way to have a holiday as we only pay for the flights and cleaner. I've been going for 30 years so feels like a home from home.

My parents are finding it too much to manage and get there so were going to let me and my brother take over management. However, they have now changed their minds and are going to sell it. They openly say they don't need the money, but they want to dispose of it as they're not using it. It is worth a fair amount (more than my house) and the money is just going to sit in a bank account not doing anything for anybody - my parents won't require it for care even if that time comes as they have other means.

I realise this is completely their choice, but I am crushed. I have so many of my happiest memories there, espeically of my children. It enables so much quality family time for us, which as the children get older I know will become more challenging to get at home.

We also won't really be able to afford holidays now. We both work full time in demanding jobs with long hours and have always had the next trip there booked so always had that to look forward to.

Not really sure what I am saying, but I find it upsetting that something so important to me, my husband and kids will be gone for no benefit to anybody.

Why don’t you ask if you can buy it off them?

Well, at least you know you're being unreasonable. It's ok to be sad but any beyond that is selfish and unreasonable.

Itt is one of their situations where no one is being unreasonable. They’re not unreasonable to sell if it’s becoming too much and you’re not unreasonable to feel sad

It’s fine to feel sad, but it’s their choice and you’ve been lucky they’ve allowed you to have such cheap holidays for years, it’s generous of them and they didn’t have to do it. You could try and explain your position to them and ask them to keep it on, but ultimately you’ve had a good thing and it’s come to an end, nothing bad has happened here. Your parents are doing nothing wrong, after all it’s their money and their choice.

Can you not buy it off them? Yabu though which you already know it's theirs to do as they please with.

Also if you could afford flight and a cleaner 4 times a year before, you absolutely still can afford a holiday now, it just won’t look the same.

If you can afford the fares to go abroad up to 4 times a year I really can't believe you 'can't afford a holiday'.

Why not discuss it with your parents instead of internet randoms?

It’s a worry and a hassle owning a property abroad. I don’t blame them for selling. You could look into buying it from them, getting a mortgage and renting it out at other times to cover it but it’s probably just time now to accept that stage has ended. You can still visit the same area.

Will you honestly not be able to afford any sort of holiday? That sounds a bit extreme. Still, at least you've had cheap holidays for years. And when you get your inheritance (holiday home money included) you can make up for it then.

Tough one as it's their property and their choice, but it sounds you and your brother would ultimately inherit it anyway so it would make sense to transfer it to your names.

Have your parents said why they no longer want you and brother to manage it?

Do you and your brother spend time with your parents?

Good point

Go on one holiday a year or buy with your brother?

It’s not just management of the place it’s ongoing costs. I can understand them not wanting to keep something that is an ongoing cost when they won’t be using it. You’ve had a great run of free holidays for a long time but you can’t really expect your parents to subsidise this forever. Either ask to buy it or offer to take on the management and running costs. If neither is possible just be grateful for what they did provide you with for so long.

Yeah it sucks but you've had a good run of it and saved tens of thousands if pounds over the years so....

This. It's sad for you. They are probably selling because owning property is a liability and if they can't go there they can't keep an eye out for potential problems. Why not make them a low offer to buy it?

See i dont think yabu, as you arent acting entitled to it, youre just disappointed

Can you and your brother not sit down with them and ask for a way forward without selling

Be very clear that they dont owe you, its not like you're upset with them, it's just something you both really would like

Best of luck x

Can you have a conversation with them about it? What does your brother think?

My dad is a bit obsessed with sorting out his finances. He sits in his office, like a job.

He needs to have everything in order, or he can’t relax. Is this the case with your parents?

They might not realise the financial impact on you. My dad talks about gifting tax money…

But he never actually gives it to me. It’s all sitting in the bank. It would be a holiday for us.

With the money you’re saving on 4 flights a year surely you can afford a decent UK holiday

YABU and entitled. You are upset that your means of having several cheap holidays a year has been removed and because you say they do not need the money you think they should leave that property to subsidise your family getaways that you couldn’t afford if it were not for the free accommodation you’ve all enjoyed. Wow.

Well, I’d feel the same as you OP as it seems like your parents don’t need the money and you and your brother are willing to take over the management of the property. Have you told them how much it means to you?

Dh just had the same situation with his parents.

They owned a holiday home in Italy where MIL was born, it was her mums house and where she grew up until she was 10. They used to go back all the time, PIL spent a couple of months a year there.

PIL sold it as they are 76 and 80. Still in excellent health, but it’s up in the mountains and they said the cost of car insurance/hire over there now given their ages was astronomical and not worth it. Also, it’s hard with the upkeep when you aren’t there, there’s some not so innocent builders etc that take the piss.

We wouldn’t have taken it over from them, they’ve had so many problems with builders, the local government.

It’s such a shame as it was MILs childhood home and had been in her family since the dawn of time, but it’s a lot to upkeep an old house a thousand miles away.

If they can’t afford holiday and it’s worth more than their home how on earth will they buy it?

I think that you should be grateful for the memories and the many cheap holidays that you had over the years. Now is time to pay for your own holidays in full.

I would find out if your brother would go 50/50 with you to buy it and hopefully your parents will give you a decent family discount.

And yes you can afford a holiday just perhaps not so many.