AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

[WatchTheStormTouchDown]

I’ve name changed as this is a very outing situation. I wasn’t sure whether to post in the dog house but opted for here.

My sister moved abroad 7 months ago due to her husband’s work. They were originally moving for 3 years but my sister didn’t settle there so they’ve split up and my sister has come back with her children.

When they were planning to leave, they asked if we would look after their dog temporarily for the 3 years and they would have him back when they returned. We thought it over and said we would only take the dog if it was permanent. We knew our children would get attached to the dog and didn’t want them being upset when the dog had to be returned. They looked at other options but eventually agreed, reluctantly. Microchip/ownership was changed over to us and we pay all costs.

My sister is now back much sooner than planned with her kids and they’ve asked for the dog back. He is our dog now and completely settled in with us. We would all be heartbroken to not have him.

My whole family is piling on guilt and pressure for us to give the dog back. They’re using the kids to emotionally manipulate and saying my sister has enough on her plate with the split and having her dog back would help the children settle back home. They’re also saying that as the dog has only been with us for 7 months, we should give him back as it’s not long enough for him to have settled. My niece and nephew are upset but that isn’t surprising with moving countries, being without their dad and now moving back all within a few months.

We don’t intend to give him back. He isn’t a toy to be passed around when people change their minds and plans change and he has a great life with us. If we don’t give him back, I think it will cause a permanent rift in our family. Are we being unreasonable to keep the dog because we can’t give him up? I don’t believe it’s in his best interests anyway.

If you love the dog more than your sister, keep the dog. If you love your sister more than the dog, give the dog back. Bear in mind that, all going well, your sister will be around for most of your life and the dog won't be.

If the dog is the type that gets very attached then it would probably rather be with the original owner. If it isn't, then it won't mind where it lives.

Your dog now, keep him. What's to say she doesnt up and move again in a years time? She's obviously not that invested in the dog to not bother to bring him with them.

But she didn’t force them, the OP said family would take the dog but it would have to be permanent. She knew well her family would become attached to the dog and the dog would settle, which is why she set that condition. Her sister did not have to agree. She made the choice to move abroad, she made the choice not to bring the dog, she made the choice to give the dog permanent to her sister.

This dog now has the companionship of another dog which he enjoys - do you not think it would be very unfair and heartless to take that away from him ??

I'm trying to imagine being your sister. If it were my dog, and I'd had to give him up permanently, I would have done so with a clause saying could I and DC see DDog X times a week when I return?

Did she do that OP?

Massive dripfeed that you have another dog! Give him back.

If the dog meant that much to her and her children why didn't she take it with her when she moved? Keep the dog, your sister is a flakey dog owner and the dog deserves better.

Do you not think that it would be heartless moving the dog now when he has the companionship of another dog being in the house and enjoys that companionship. Do you really think it fair to remove the dog from that companionship and have him return to a set-up where he is by himself for a large part of the week. No fellow dog for companionship/no humans.

You might find the dog considers them to be his real family and would prefer to be back with them... you can usually tell. Our dog has spent summers at my parents if we've been travelling. He is very happy there, adores my mum in particular but he is wild with joy when we return

That’s even more of a reason not to give him back. The dog has become attached to this other dog. Is it fair to the dog to take that from him? No, it is not.

@zurigo They could have chose to not move and keep their dog. I didn’t force them to do anything. Our family and her friends thought the move was a bad idea for her, giving up her career, for the children and for the dog being left behind.

We were not looking for another dog. Another one of our dogs had just died and we were grieving. My MIL had also just been diagnosed with cancer so the timing wasn’t great for having a new dog. We took him because we saw him as part of the family and didnt want him passed around or given to a rescue. We couldn’t face losing another dog as we had just lost one and so that is why we only agreed if it was permanent. My sisters husband also told my husband that he was hoping the move would actually be for longer.

You sound really nice.

I think I’d give the dog back. It’s only been 7 months and your sister has had a split and had to move back home with her children. The children have also had to move and been separated from their dad so will be really unsettled. I think getting the dog back will help them a lot.
I understand your kids will be a bit upset but they’ve not had the upheaval their cousins have had.
It would be a really good thing to do on your part. It’s what I’d do if I were in your situation.
Maybe you could ask her for some money for the upkeep of the dog while you’ve had it and then put it towards a dog you choose yourselves.

Edited to add I just read you have a dog already. Give her the dog back. I think it might sour relations irreparably if you didn’t.

See my previous comment on that.

Completely agree. It’s only been 7 months. Get your family another dog.

@WatchTheStormTouchDown what's best for the dog sounds like it would be staying with you.

What's best for your sister and her kids is having the dog back.

Perhaps the dog will trash her house out of boredom being left along during the day so she will end up seeing sense and having the dog return to live with you?

It's a really tricky situation. Your agreement of the dog staying with you was based on 3 years. It has only been 7 months.

Personally I would return the dog to her, but I would make her pay for the dog's board and lodgings for the last 7 months!

Sorry I missed that one. I think let the dog decide - and he appears to have chosen you!

She probably considered it when she was told by you that you’d only look after her dog if it was permanent. Clearly she was trying avoid that. Take responsibility for your own part in this OP.

Like I said, it depends if the OP cares more about the dog or her sister. The dog lived with her sister perfectly happily for years so I don't think it is a major problem to send it back. Her sister and her children have gone through a move and a marriage break up. It could be seen as a little heartless to keep the dog.

Like lots of these, this isn't really about the dog.

FFS, it’s her dog. Her kids have only been without it 7 months.

Your sister is going through an international move and a divorce, and you can’t give her back her dog?

YABU and a bad sister. Things change, your kids will understand, just like hers had to when they left.

Agree

I am nice and I would never treat my DSis the way you're treating yours. But fine, you've clearly made your decision and were hoping that this thread would be a parade of people telling you to keep the dog, which you'd already decided to do, so you could pat yourself smugly on the back. So great, you crack on, but accept that you're choosing this dog over your DSis and that she and the wider family aren't going to forget that easily.

I've read all your posts @WatchTheStormTouchDown , no contest, the dog is your dog. Honestly I can't think why anyone would, if they're looking at the dog's best interests, disagree.
Please keep ddog. And please consider posting a wee pic of ddog. 😂

I think you should keep the dog. Whilst the dog was still very young your sister chose a life that was incompatible with owning a dog. So it seems likely that should the dog be returned to your sister, it will happen again. And as you would be less inclined to agree to looking after the dog next time, it may be passed to anyone it can be palmed off on. If you can commit to it properly for it's lifetime you should keep the dog settled with you.

But you would say that. You’re biased and seemingly intent on keeping it. I’d be very surprised if a dog wouldn’t recognise your sister as its primary owner with them having had it since puppy, and you only since February. As much as you’ll deny it.

No, she considered it before we had given any answer. She had a few options on the table. Please stop making things up to suit the narrative you have decided on.