AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

[WatchTheStormTouchDown]

I’ve name changed as this is a very outing situation. I wasn’t sure whether to post in the dog house but opted for here.

My sister moved abroad 7 months ago due to her husband’s work. They were originally moving for 3 years but my sister didn’t settle there so they’ve split up and my sister has come back with her children.

When they were planning to leave, they asked if we would look after their dog temporarily for the 3 years and they would have him back when they returned. We thought it over and said we would only take the dog if it was permanent. We knew our children would get attached to the dog and didn’t want them being upset when the dog had to be returned. They looked at other options but eventually agreed, reluctantly. Microchip/ownership was changed over to us and we pay all costs.

My sister is now back much sooner than planned with her kids and they’ve asked for the dog back. He is our dog now and completely settled in with us. We would all be heartbroken to not have him.

My whole family is piling on guilt and pressure for us to give the dog back. They’re using the kids to emotionally manipulate and saying my sister has enough on her plate with the split and having her dog back would help the children settle back home. They’re also saying that as the dog has only been with us for 7 months, we should give him back as it’s not long enough for him to have settled. My niece and nephew are upset but that isn’t surprising with moving countries, being without their dad and now moving back all within a few months.

We don’t intend to give him back. He isn’t a toy to be passed around when people change their minds and plans change and he has a great life with us. If we don’t give him back, I think it will cause a permanent rift in our family. Are we being unreasonable to keep the dog because we can’t give him up? I don’t believe it’s in his best interests anyway.

No more so than anyone else here I would imagine , it's a bit odd to see a post with nothing on it, and no explanation!

Hope you read the updates.

Having thought about it, I would be tempted to tell your sisters husband about how she has orchestrated all of this and played everyone off against each other to get him to agree to her demands. He might just tell her he doesn’t want her back if he knew the truth. Obviously he needs to be careful if he wants to see his children because she sounds manipulative and vindictive, but if he is a decent man, I would be helping him open his eyes to the person your sister is.

As usual, people are muddling up needs and wants.

You need to carry on doing what you’ve been doing, which is looking after your family. Including the dogs.

Your sister wants money from you.

No. Don’t suggest that because it fits in with her fabrication that the dog was never with you permanently until yesterday.

does nobody RTFT or at least the Op updates?

I’m late to this but read your posts @WatchTheStormTouchDown

So it was all a game to her ?

to get a bigger home

she didn’t actually want the dog - what would have happened if you said yes to her and dog went there

for her to then return to dh

she sounds as if she has serious issues

I did thank you very much, no need to be rude. I was responding to someone's suggestion that OP should counter her sister's suggestion to pay for the dog by charging for boarding for the last 7 months with a reasonable daily fee. Perhaps you should follow your own advice?

I have read the thread.

You would give the dog back to someone who now doesn’t want the dog and is leaving the country. Really?

Wow. Took me a while to wade through the thread and what a turn it took!

I was team OP even on the basis of the original face value info. Clearly from what you said the dog is happier with your family, and I also think it is completely valid to put your own children and both your dogs first. I really felt sorry for you with your sister putting you in an impossible position…and jeez the posters that were coming for you! 😳

But clearly the way things evolved make things crystal clear. What a manipulative bitch your DSis is. Good on your DD for calling her on it. Wishing you, your family and BOTH your DDogs all the best.

@WatchTheStormTouchDown

This!

Blimey!! 🤯

Sorry, OP.

But it would. As in your example with the person who had to surrender their dog because they had a debilitating illness. As you say, in the breed specific world lots of owners/breeders/rehomers know each other and go to the same events. The old owner and new owner with the dog would therefore be reasonably likely to bump into each other. Unless the poodle world is very different to the GR one.

Wise move

Your sister has been through a hard time, but it’s not the dog’s fault. I think the idea that she’s fine with your children bonding with the dog, thinking every day that he’s their’s forever (which she agreed to), and is now expecting they will just give him up, is really selfish. It’s sad for her and her children but that’s come out of choices she made, the children presumably knew the deal and said their goodbyes to the dog already. Surely she can see how happy he is with you now- a second lot of upheaval for this dog does not seem in his best interest. I would also be worried about her changing her mind/moving again and then needing another home for the dog at a later date.

You return him - that’s the kind and diplomatic thing to do for your poor sister. The lion’s share of his life has been with them. He will remember them. If you like having a dog that much get a puppy yourselves now.

In that case it's definitely the right thing to keep him. He knows where home is.

Dogs are generally very adaptable - so he will be settled with you but would equally settle back in with them just as easily. I guess it depends whether you think it’s worth having a family rift over it.

PP made a point about dogs reacting like puppies when they see their original owners - but this doesn’t mean they aren’t settled in their new home. I’m a puppy raiser for guide dogs and when I see my previous pups they go batshit, it doesn’t mean they aren’t happy and settled with their current owner.

I think I’d consider giving the dog back if you think he will be happy with them, and looking for another dog. They’ve had a lot of upheaval and a dog can be a great comfort.

(And now I've caught up with the rest of the thread and apologise that my 0.02p worth contribution above was already unnecessary by the time I posted it. Well handled OP)

Oh, RTFT, for God’s sake. Or, at the very least, the OP’s updates.

It drives me mad that so many posters must make a comment but cannot be bothered to read the thread properly.

I don't think it was aggressive, just direct.

Since OP has concluded this thread by declaring her sister an opportunistic gold digger and a liar - prepared to ruin her children in service of manipulating her husband - and said that she is now going no contact entirely - I think my assessment was spot on!

Just scroll past perhaps?

Actually it was spot off. If what the OP says is accurate and, of course we will never know, then the sister is in serious tantrum, not serious crisis as you said.

The OP hasn't been particularly kind at times - at others she has - but you try being continually kind to someone who acts as the sister is reported to have acted. Not possible and actually not in the best long term interests of the other person nor those around them.

Oof. You were there with her that night she said she couldn't go on without her DH - do you really think she was faking that? She's your sister - you sounded worried about her at the time rather than suspicious?

The facts that the dog wasn't excited to see her and you have another dog make me feel confident you were right all along, but those two points weren't your focus. Your initial argument was more about your sister going back on her word and messing you and your family around.

The only thing that is clear about your sister is that you and she haven't had a great relationship before and really don't after this.

Your offer to provide childcare was exceptionally kind in light of the above.

It's all very sad, but I think you're actually very lovely, and you always make the most of whatever hand you've been dealt.

I hope your sister does better, and I hope she comes to reflect on how supportive you've been when she hasn't really done anything to deserve it.