AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

[WatchTheStormTouchDown]

I’ve name changed as this is a very outing situation. I wasn’t sure whether to post in the dog house but opted for here.

My sister moved abroad 7 months ago due to her husband’s work. They were originally moving for 3 years but my sister didn’t settle there so they’ve split up and my sister has come back with her children.

When they were planning to leave, they asked if we would look after their dog temporarily for the 3 years and they would have him back when they returned. We thought it over and said we would only take the dog if it was permanent. We knew our children would get attached to the dog and didn’t want them being upset when the dog had to be returned. They looked at other options but eventually agreed, reluctantly. Microchip/ownership was changed over to us and we pay all costs.

My sister is now back much sooner than planned with her kids and they’ve asked for the dog back. He is our dog now and completely settled in with us. We would all be heartbroken to not have him.

My whole family is piling on guilt and pressure for us to give the dog back. They’re using the kids to emotionally manipulate and saying my sister has enough on her plate with the split and having her dog back would help the children settle back home. They’re also saying that as the dog has only been with us for 7 months, we should give him back as it’s not long enough for him to have settled. My niece and nephew are upset but that isn’t surprising with moving countries, being without their dad and now moving back all within a few months.

We don’t intend to give him back. He isn’t a toy to be passed around when people change their minds and plans change and he has a great life with us. If we don’t give him back, I think it will cause a permanent rift in our family. Are we being unreasonable to keep the dog because we can’t give him up? I don’t believe it’s in his best interests anyway.

You have two dogs. You didn't want a second dog. You are totally within your rights to keep him but is it really worth wrecking your wider family relationships for?

In this situation it would be quite possible to act like a grown up, be disappointed and understand that your kids are too, but support them to deal with it. The dog will be fine. He settled with you and he will settle with her.

I was just listening to a podcast about what people regret when they are old, and it is often falling out with family over what, in retrospect, are quite small issues. I honestly think it would be a mistake to alienate your wider family over this.

While he undoubtedly remembers them, it will be difficult for a dog with free run of a large garden, constant human companionship, and another dog to play with, to go to being alone for much of the week.
Especially losing out on your other dog. Bonded dogs can be miserable without each other to play with. Fine, but not happy.

Giving him back is the nice thing to do for your sister but it isn’t necessarily the right thing for the dog. Keep him. As difficult as it is for her, she gave him away when it suited her. He’s not a comfort blanket to have back because she’s having a hard time when he has a happy and established life with you now.

The dog should stay where he is as it’s his best interests to do so . With @WatchTheStormTouchDown he is rarely left and has got used to living with another dog so it would be a detrimental move for him . Plus if the Ops sisters family were that bothered about the dog then they would have taken him with them when they moved . There is no way I would have moved abroad and left my late dog behind , he was a family member . The OPs sister is treating the dog like some kind of toy that you can just pick up and drop when it takes your fancy .

It must be very hard for your sister having such a saint to live up to🙄

This and ownership was transferred. Also what about your DC getting upset? Your sister should look to re-home another dog if she wants one. Your niece and nephew can still visit your dog.

I think the circumstances into which the dog will be returned make keeping him the obvious option. He has company, is regularly walked, has his medical needs attended to promptly and is a family dog. What he will be returned to is a life where he will spend most of his day alone aside from a dog walker, and there will be a different dynamic as Dsis is now a single parent. She essentially gave the dog away when they moved, the ownership details have been changed, he’s had veterinary treatment that Dsis neglected - all at OP’s expense. I think it’s really cheeky to ask for him back as though nothing happened.

If you read my posts you will see you are wrong.

My sister is currently living somewhere as a single mum with hardly any support. She needs to work and that will mean leaving the dog alone. How is that better for the dog? She is likely going to need to increase her hours so the dog will be left more.

She has seen the dog 3 times and the dog has not wanted to be with them. The dog is attached to us and bonded to our other dog.

Adding a dog into her difficulties isn’t the answer.

As a family, we have asked her to move near us so we can support her. We have offered to have the children after school and whenever she needs to work or wants a break. The children can see the dog then.

In my personal experience, itss much harder to give a dog a good life if you are the only adult in the house and have been used to there being two of you....been there done that when I was widowed and I had no kids to be responsible for and the dogs were much older so needed less exercise.

Yes, I have. Just because the dog wanted to carry on playing on the occasion your sister visited doesn’t mean its bond isn’t with them.

You don’t want to read the truth IMO. Keeping her dog is cruel. If you want to do a staggered handover because you think that would be better, then that’s fine, but you seem to be determined to keep a dog that’s not yours just because you have a bit of paper saying you’re the owner. Morally you’re not.

Put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel to lose your own dog and have someone refuse to hand it back?

I had mixed feelings about this issue until I read the follow up post that indicates that the dog seems to prefer your family, to the extent he doesn't want your sister to even walk him without one of you there.

I think doggo has chosen his family!

I remember being devastated when my grandparents collected their dog after they'd been away for months.
We moved on very quickly.

I think your sister has lost enough, can't imagine denying my sister the dog she paid for in that situation.
You could try offering to buy her another dog, but I suspect the dog would be happier going back with them. My grandparents' one was thrilled to see them.

I don’t think being ‘fine’ is enough when it means he’ll be left alone more. The dogs quality of life will go from excellent to much poorer if he goes back due to my sister working and being busy with the kids activities, doing it all by herself.

Have I stumbled into a parallel universe where people actually put the needs of a dog over those of children who have been through some enormous life changes? I say that as a dog owner by the way.
Your sister and her family moved abroad (huge life change) then her marriage broke down (huge life change) then she moved back with her children to start life as a single parent (enormous life change). I find it odd that you say it's 'emotional manipulation' to think of the needs of her children.
You took the dog on the basis she was moving abroad permenantly (3 years is a permenant move) but that has not happenened therefore she should be allowed the chance to have her dog back and her children should have the small comfort of having their pet dog around at a difficult time in their lives.
When I adopted my dog, the refuge considered it to be a trial for the first 6 months as it's only then that dogs might have settled (in our case, it was much much longer). You've only had the dog 7 months, it won't have properly settled yet.
Just explain the situation to your kids - think of it as a great life lesson in being adaptable and putting others needs before your own and get a new dog/puppy in a few months' time.
Meanwhile maybe support your sister through a difficult time.

I think it’s in the dog’s best interests to stay with you. I think your sister is being cheeky asking for it back and also she’s got enough on her plate settling back in to job/ UK etc without the added responsibility of looking after a dog.
I think it’s wrong for family to put pressure on you. Why should your family be put out for her mistake.

See my previous post about his reactions to them.

You don’t have to give him back but if you’re sure he’s going to be happy and secure I would probably give him back as its only been 7 months , then take your kids to dogs home to choise a puppy to adopt. It means two dogs are loved and cared for

I have a sister and ai would give the dog back tbh. He’s only been with you 7 months. They had him from a puppy. Do you really want to fall out with your actual human family over this dog? You could also look after it when she goes on holidays etc.

Why would you be ‘devastated’ having made the decision to effectively give the dog away in the first place ? What you’re suggesting is taking the dog from a happy family environment where it has company, is walked regularly, has bonded with the family’s other dog and has it’s medical needs attended to properly, and putting it into an environment where the owner is a single parent, needs to work full time and consequently the dog will be alone for the majority of the day. How is that better for the dog ?

I agree. I think OP is BU

Your sister and her children have been through enough.
Give her dog back.
You have a dog.

You said the dog would be ecstatic to see them. He wasn’t.

The dog is however ecstatic when I come back after only being to the loo, or when my daughter comes home from 3 hours at college.

The dog refused to leave the house on a walk with my sister without my husband going with them.

You can twist it if you like, but you're wrong,

Most importantly, I’m not sending him back to be left alone whilst she has go out to work, when he can have constant company and another dog here.

she CHOSE to give the dog up.

Yes. You have. It’s a parallel universe where animals aren’t treated as commodities to be passed backwards and forwards between owners regardless of the effects on the animals themselves.

And if the refuge you adopted your dog from actually left the dog in your care after six months then they must have considered it settled. So why would you say that OP’s dog hasn’t settled similarly after seven months ? It clearly has a much better home life than it will have if she returns it. How is that better for the dog ?

And I don’t think it’s such a great life lesson for the kids either. It’s teaching them that in any given situation the animal is expendable.

Oh crikey what a horrible decision to make.
It's a shame that your sister doesn't live close by. Would make sense for her to move closer and then she and her children can still see dog lots

You clearly have no intention of changing your mind so pretty pointless posting, really - you are only interested in posters who agree with you.

Do you have any concerns at all for the fall out in your relationship with her and the wider family?