ds has refused his first 2 days of year 7

[dinosaursroars]

my ds was due to start year 7 yesterday, he’s got asd but no ehcp which i was already concerned about

i don’t drive so he was going to to with his older brother (y10) on the bus but he wasn’t starting until today so I tried to take him yesterday but was also with my baby in the pushchair and my 5yo.

he got ready and everything but when we were walking to the bus stop he kept saying he didn’t want to go and was getting upset and tried to run in the road and it just wasnt safe as it was just me and also trying to keep an eye on my younger children so i gave in and we went home which probbaly wasnt great

Today I had to do the school run for my 5yo so couldn’t take him in and he was going to go with his brother as planned but he just wouldn’t get dressed he kept saying things like he wanted his old school and he didnt want to start a new school etc so again i gave in as he was going to make my other children late

have phones the school and the head of year 7 is supposed to call me today but hasn’t yet

I just feel like a failure already i was already worried about him going to school and how he’d cope but not actually getting him there i didnt think this would be the issue

Ah right. Read too quickly.

Sounds like it to me. I think pp is correct.

With a primary school with that attitude, I'd check what information they have provided the secondary school with.

My DS's primary school cocked up his transition completely from their side of it. He didn't have the enhanced transition that he should have had because they didn't let the secondary know about the extent of his needs, and at the end of the year they shoved the paperwork in DS's school bag and didn't pass records on to the secondary.

The attendance or SEND teams are likely to be easier to contact than head of year at this stage of settling in.

Does she sleep on the sofa?

This is absolutely terrible advice!
My son ended up trying to self harm and under camhs because of attitudes like this! He ended up completely traumatised by years of being dragged through various school buildings, being punished for the anxiety he could not control.
He ended up suffering with EBSA. Emotional based school avoidance. He was out of school for an entire year.
OP please speak to the senco who can help to formulate a plan with you to get your child to school without causing long term mental health problems for him.

Because half the people who claim their kid is autistic don’t have a diagnosis and have the school and GPs and nursery all saying that their kid doesn’t have it. But they continue to say, “oh, he’s autistic” to excuse any and all bad behaviour and lazy parenting.

Half the people claiming their kid is autistic are talking absolute crap and need to just start parenting instead of saying “what can I, I think he’s autistic”

OP has been posting on MN for quite some time and unfortunately struggles to access support.

OP if the school have not phoned yet follow up tomorrow, this is something you must be proactive about no matter how difficult it is. Do not give up.

Is your 17 year old able to help at all, perhaps if he has any free periods in the morning?

Her 17 year old needs to just be 17. I’d bet they’ve had a pretty hard life so far, multiple men and siblings. It’s really not fair to ask them to now become a parent because the OP can’t do it.

What should we do, abolish autism?

Some of the replies on here are so clueless; really I’m jealous that you don’t understand it. Lots of us have to.

Maybe they know their child better than you? I have known that my son was autistic from about one years old. He has now received a diagnosis at four. You don't really understand autism. I could stop him climbing something twenty times and he will get back and do it again. He is two years behind in development. Maybe I should just slap the autism out of him. He might start speaking. 👍

I genuinely cannot see her putting in the time and effort to get an EHCP started. Me and my husband are at the mediation stage and it is a lot of work.

That is very true and I am sure OP would be reluctant to involve him in childcare but paying him to do drop offs could be an option. We have plenty of teens in my area who do an hour or so after school. And if he is looking after the baby at the same time - the baby’s dad can pay for an hours babysitting!

OP isn't reluctant to involve the older two in childcare at all. They already do a lot, despite having their own issues with school/college. Her 17 year old needs to be parented- not to do more parenting for OP.
Neither OP nor baby's dad have money to pay for babysitting anyway.

Have you ANY understanding of autistic kids and school refusal??? Clearly not.
Op if you can't get him in school,the school are going to have to help you as much as they can (coming from a mum of an autistic year 9 school refuser)

Trust me, unless someone has autistic kids they haven't a clue! (I have 3 and at breaking point)

Oh I know it @Katemax82

Everyone saying the school should have had a plan but no mention of the fact the OP aka the parent clearly had no plan, other than leave the parenting responsibilities up to the older sibling. Where is the father(s?) in all of this? Ridiculous to set off to drop an autistic child to a new school with a 5yo and baby in tow and then be surprised when it didn’t work.

I am not autistic but I remember finding it very daunting to have to get on a bus to a new area and a massive school. Imagine how an autistic child feels.

Autism is genetic but I think what merrybandofpirates somewhat clumsily tried to describe is the other spectrum of additional needs in young people, estimated to be between 40-60% of SEN which is NOT neurological or genetic but is a result of environmental factors i.e. poor parenting, lack of boundaries/discipline, multiple siblings clamouring for attention their parents cannot give, multiple partners in and out of their lives, addiction issues, socioeconomic issues etc etc. I’m not familiar with the OP’s posts but it sounds like those who are identify her as falling in the latter category. I can see why people’s sympathy is limited, given the cost of SEN for this section of the population which we all have to pay for.

So not autistic then because autism is present from birth. If OPs son has had an official diagnosis then he is autistic and not because he hasn't had enough boundaries or snacks.

A slight low blow but if OP has claimed DLA for him and put the effort in for that then she can put the effort into helping him into school.

I do feel for OP, she is almost certainly undiagnosed and unsupported herself. But shes been posting the same stuff for years about different children, and nothing changes except that shes added another one into the mix.

In an ideal world yes, but realistically the 17 year old (who seems fairly sensible) is going to be a better help than the struggling 14 year old. And the 17 year old will be impacted by the chaos regardless.

OP definitely needs professional support, but it’s not always easy to navigate. She really needs support to access the support. Assuming all 3 have attended the same secondary school I think they’ve let the boys down really, they must know how much OP is struggling and how much it’s impacting her DC and their education.

@dinosaursroars Has DS11 gone to school today?

The baby’s father is useless going off another thread where the 11yo had had a seizure and was admitted to hospital. The baby’s dad went work on his night shift leaving the 17yo to look after the baby, the 14 year old and the 5yo. The 14 yo has had some issues and it sounds like the 5yo may be ND too.
I agree that OP is possibly undiagnosed and unsupported. Thankfully she took advice from another thread and did t move in either the father of the baby.
All her children are here now, there’s no point asking why she had more. She needs support and ironclad contraception. Let’s not kick her when she’s down.