AIBU to think my boyfriend is too soft with his daughter?

[YourShyLemonGoose]

My boyfriend has a 3 year old daughter from a previous relationship who he has about 50% of the time. She’s a lovely little girl but I do feel like she pretty much runs the house when she’s with him, as he seems to have absolutely no backbone with her!
I know it comes from a place of love and he absolutely adores her, but I worry that constantly letting her have what she wants is going to make things harder for everyone as she gets older.
We’ve been together just over a year and I’ve lost count of the number of times he’s given in when she wants something. If she doesn’t want to do something, he generally just lets her get away with it rather than having a battle.
There’s also the potty training thing. Her mum has tried twice, and I don't think she was ready either time, so I’m not blaming him for that. But he hasn’t really carried on with it at his house either, and I do wonder whether things like that are going to become harder if there’s no consistency between the two homes.
I’m very aware that I’m not her mum and don’t want to overstep, which is why I’m asking here rather than trying to parent her myself.
AIBU to think he needs to be more of a parent and less of a friend to her? Or am I expecting too much from a 3 year old?

Why the rush to TTC?? You’ve been together a year, his child is still a toddler?? Maybe just settle for a while, let her get used to you??

Who suggested ttc within a year op?

i obvo don’t know this man, but you should be aware that it’s fairly common for not very good men to go for 50/50 to avoid maintenance, then get another woman moved in and pregnant quickly, to avoid parenting.

maybe he’s not one of those men. Hopefully he’s not. But it’s another reason to not rush ttc. Give you a chance to see where his intentions are.

if he raised the ttc quickly, and reacts negatively to you saying let’s not rush, you know your answer. However, if he does like you for just who you are, then there need to be no rush whatsoever and he can carry on the majority parenting of his dd.

But you're not on the same page about parenting at all. Why on earth are you considering having children with him? Unless you expect him to magically step up or parent different children with different rules. This has disaster written all over it!

you can try with your gentle nudges but he knows full well that a child that age will be damaging their brain from screen time and their teeth from the bottle. he’s doing it anyway, because harming her is convenient for him.

Youve had the gift not many women get, being able to get a glimpse into the future as to what your partner will be like as a parent to your child.

Youre going to ignore this and go on to have a baby by this man so I guess we’ll see you back here in a few years when you’re considering leaving him because shock horror, he’s a shit Dad and you can’t live with the constant conflict with regards to your step daughter and the family dynamics.

I’m afraid this is exactly right.

Well unfortunately that's not always the case is it. People end up becoming a 'parent' when their partner withdraws from their own duties by stealth.

This will happen if OP stays with this guy no doubt. Makes no odds whether she's personally ever given birth before or not.

I moved in a couple of months ago
How long have you been together? Personally I’d have run a mile from a man with a young toddler that he had 50% custody of, but you are where you are.