To never do them a favour again?

[Pipiscoming2023]

I run my own business doing a professional service and offered to help my SIL’s partner with this service for free as a favour to his small business a couple of weeks ago.

He gave me all the required paperwork last week and then I came down with a bug and today is my first day back at work. They know I’m ill as I couldn’t attend a family lunch over the weekend.

Today I’ve had a message from the partner asking where the completed work is as he has an important deadline in a couple of weeks (not mentioned before and not something I’d have been aware of). I said as I’d been ill, everything was a little pushed back and it would be a bit later this week.

Tonight I’ve had a message from my MIL asking where this work is and saying I need to get it to him asap. I feel super pissed off that I’m now being chased by the rest of the family and that it also makes me look incompetent. She said my SIL had been talking about how he really needed it and I hadn’t done it this evening.

It’s not paid, it would have cost easily 4 figures, and I’ve been unwell…

AIBU to get this over the line and then never help them again?!

I don't think that you should have offered for free, it always creates resentment. Family rates, would have been ok and then completion dates discussed, as you would with any work. Everyone needs to keep out of it.

I would tell them all to sod off. And refuse to do any unpaid work for people so ungrateful and pushy.

Hope you get well soon.

I was volunteered by said MIL! He was struggling with this particular thing and she said “oh Pip will do it for you for free, she did FILs” and that was kind of that. My own fault for being a doormat but agree, never again!

I’ve not worded this the best way, but I’d say something along the following lines.

As 1) I’m doing this as a favour and 2) no deadline was stipulated and agreed to, I thought you’d understand that I’d complete the work for you as soon as possible, but it would not involve me working while I’m unwell. I’m surprised that I’ve been chased again a few days later when everyone knows I’ve been ill. The work will be with you within a few days. I’ll be unable to do further free work for you as your expectation of also managing it isn’t something that seems to work for us as family members.

Tell him since your timeline isn't to his suiting due to your illnesses you'll be handing back the paperwork and he can find someone to do it more promptly.

Stop offering freebies, even to family. Family always take you for granted.

Email him back and say you didn't offer it for free, your mil did without your knowledge. However, as a favour you'll do it for half price. Then send him the details of another contractor who'll charge him £££ and ask him to let you know which option he'd prefer.

Just send the paperwork back and tell him you resign..

This, plus mention he only gave you the paperwork last week, so you couldn’t start before then. Plus, if it’s so urgent, he should have given you the paperwork sooner.

"I'm sorry mil but my paying clients take priority. If he wants it done by a deadline he's best off paying someone to do it!"

I bet telling mil that I am doing him a massive favour as its free. And tell him to stick it up his bottom

No good deed goes unpunished, as they say

No I haven’t completed the FREE work I said I’d complete while recovering from a bug, and in time for a deadline I was never told about. Thank you for the multiple messages of concern to see how I am and all the gratitude for my kindness.

This is well out of order. “I was not aware of your deadline. I have been unwell but will complete it as soon as I can.”
I would not respond to other family members.

You need to reply to your MiL, copying in SIL and BIL, pointing out that you were not told of any deadline, they know you have been off sick and therefore you do not understand why you are being chased for this piece of work. Point out that, if it was so urgent, he could have gone to someone else and paid them to do it at the time he wanted.

I haven't voted because you are being unreasonable to do it at all, especially now. As PPs have said, I would pass it back to him and say that having been off ill for a week you already have a backlog and can't meet his deadline. That's the professional response. Keep professional boundaries with family and friends, they will respect you more if you do.

If someone is chasing you for work you are doing for them FOR FREE, they deserve to be professionally told to get absolutely fucked and take their paperwork with them!

And as for MiL, she just deserves to be told to get fucked and to never mention your name again.

Pair of CHEEKY FUCKERS!!!

Stand up for yourself op. Far too many ignorant people about these days taking advantage.

“As you are aware (as I missed the family meal at the weekend) I have been unwell. I have been unable to undertake any work until today, paid or otherwise. I only received the paperwork from you/BIL on x day, with no mention or discussion of any deadlines. As you will understand, being self employed yourself and running a small business, I have to prioritise paying clients. As previously discussed I will have the work to you by x day. Should you need it sooner there are other professionals who will be able to assist you for a fee”

Then if you’re asked in future just simply say you haven’t got time, you’re no longer doing favours, or you’ll do it for a discounted rate if you’re feeling gracious.

I’d hand it back incomplete and say I was too unwell to make the deadline. Telling him to shove it up his arse optional.

He should have told you the deadline. Same as if he paid for it, but even cheekier as he didn't. Say that to MIL, and ask her why she is listening to SIL and bothering you, instead of B/SIL sorting things out themselves.

This - or he will have to pay a “rush” fee if it is urgent.

Don’t be a doormat tell them you were never told it was urgent and I don’t appreciate being hunted and accused of not doing something when I was providing my expertise for free.

Age old saying your lack or planning is not my emergency!

tbf even if it’s a favour, you should have communicated better about expectations and he absolutely should have told you about the deadline.

I would crack on today and get it done if you can and then send out a family message to all saying from now on you won't be doing work for free as they've took the piss knowing you were unwell. Who cares if it starts world war 3 they are cfs.

'I wasn't told it was urgent. If it is, they I can recommend someone who will do it for a fee. If it isn't, I'll get to it once I am better an I have dealt with the backlog from my paying customers.'

If it’s urgent you best get someone else to do it. Give him his stuff back and don’t do anything for free again