To never do them a favour again?

[Pipiscoming2023]

I run my own business doing a professional service and offered to help my SIL’s partner with this service for free as a favour to his small business a couple of weeks ago.

He gave me all the required paperwork last week and then I came down with a bug and today is my first day back at work. They know I’m ill as I couldn’t attend a family lunch over the weekend.

Today I’ve had a message from the partner asking where the completed work is as he has an important deadline in a couple of weeks (not mentioned before and not something I’d have been aware of). I said as I’d been ill, everything was a little pushed back and it would be a bit later this week.

Tonight I’ve had a message from my MIL asking where this work is and saying I need to get it to him asap. I feel super pissed off that I’m now being chased by the rest of the family and that it also makes me look incompetent. She said my SIL had been talking about how he really needed it and I hadn’t done it this evening.

It’s not paid, it would have cost easily 4 figures, and I’ve been unwell…

AIBU to get this over the line and then never help them again?!

In my opinion OP, you're being unreasonable to even bother doing it, after the way they're treating you. I'd give him the stuff back, and tell him to pay someone if he wants to be able to dictate when the work is done. Cheeky Fucker!!

Is it rax related? If so tell him to piss off and hire an accountant

I've voted YABU but only for doing it at all now - cheeky fuckers! Tell them all to get fucked!

'When I take on free work as favours to friends/family, it is on the understanding that it is done as and when I have time for it around my own life, commitments and other paying clients. If that does not suit you please feel free to take it to someone else'.

And then read the riot act to anyone offering your services without asking you first!

“BIL, when you asked me to do this favour for you, you did not tell me that you have a deadline in 2 weeks.

If you had told me that, I would have explained that I cannot fit this favour in before that deadline.

Obviously my paying clients take priority (as per the contracts I have signed with them), and so I can only fit favours in when I have time.

So I’ll post your paperwork back to you tomorrow, and you’ll need to find somebody else to complete this work for you.

Best wishes”

And absolutely do not recommend somebody to them - they will then blame you if they have any issues with that person or think their fee is too high or whatever, this is all just not your problem and nothing to do with you!

(former lawyer - voice of bitter experience!)

Definitely go back to bil and mil and say you're not well and doing them a favour by doing it for free and paid work takes priority so you'll get to it when you can but would appreciate them not offering your services for free in future. Then also respond to the client, say you have been unwell and we're told this was a one off favour and were not given a deadline. Explain you have work from paying customers which you need to do prioritise but if he can afford to wait you can do this as a one off when you have time.

YABU to offer to do it for free. 🤦🏼‍♀️ Just reply and say, "Oh, sorry! As I waived your fee as a family member, I assumed I would receive familial courtesy in return when you know I have been unwell, but of course I won't blame you if you want to pay someone else to do it instead."

Thanks for the advice everyone, I know I’ve been a doormat and it won’t happen again!

I started the work yesterday and noticed that there were still lots of things missing. I sent one part of it over and asked for the rest of the stuff to complete it, but said that due to the illness it wouldn’t be until late next week as I have to prioritise my paying clients.

He hasn’t replied and I won’t be chasing 🤷‍♀️

Even more cheek to chase you without sending the right information in the first place!!
And he hasn't even bothered to apologise or even reply?

Well that makes things a lot easier!

I hope you feel better soon OP, you could have done without this hooha.
When its over I'd follow up with @SomeOtherUser 's point about familial courtesy too.

I think when you offer to do someone a favour you don't then get to just do it when an dhow it suits you. I think the mistake here is that you and your SIL don't appear to have agreed on a timeline up front? I have done a few work favours for friends over the years, but I always say when I'll do it by and if there's a problem, I'll let them know.

This is what I though too.

"I agreed not to bill for this work - thus it will be low priority around my other paid work, as you would expect.

As you know I have been ill and unable to work.

I was not informed of and did not agree to a deadline. This deadline of ''x" is news to me. Can that be moved to "x"? if it cant be moved I wont be able to complete this to the expected standards in such a short time."

She didn't offer to do them a favour, it was forced on her by MIL.

And it's 💯the responsibility of the favour-asker to check with the favour-giver if they can complete it within a certain time frame.

I think you’ve handled it really well. That message was well worded. You’re helpful yet prioritising paying clients and you’ve been ill. If he wants you for free that’s what he has to accept. He could always pay you or someone else if he isn’t happy! If anyone moans about it that’s what you can tell them! Free work does not pay the bills!

@Pipiscoming2023 as your MIL interfered make sure you relay that information back to her. Don't allow your SIL and her husband to hide their incompetence and have another moan about you.
They don't value your time, effort, experience or expertise. Draw a line and your mantra should be, never again.
Very disrespectful of them. Has your husband commented? He should have your back and speak to his family, especially his mother. CFs.

OP didn't actually offer, she was forced into it by her MIL.

'I was volunteered by said MIL! He was struggling with this particular thing and she said “oh Pip will do it for you for free, she did FILs” and that was kind of that.'

He also didn't give OP any timescales for delivery and it turns out that he hasn't given her all the information/paperwork that she needs to complete the task.

Just say, "sorry it seems like our expectations of what represents a favour don't align, I've been ill and now I'll have to pass on your project so I can focus on my paid work." Seriously, what an attitude!

So he gave you it a week ago and you only started it yesterday?

I can see why he’s annoyed.

Ditto this (retired solicitor).

So MIL led him to believe it was a doddle for you to fit in ££££’s worth of work alongside your paid work… he didn’t instigate this.

She now seems to think recommending you makes her your manager.

I would send a polite but assertive, factual , direct reply to both.

Hi both

1. you are aware that I have been ill
2. I was not informed that there was a deadline
3. Please appreciate that I am undertaking this in addition to my paid work
4. Now that I know of the deadline I will be sure to get it over the line
5. This is work that for a commercial client would incur an invoice of £xK
6. I was disappointed to find that having offered this as a favour (and happy to do so) I am the subject of family talking about my delivery,

Onwards and upwards, Lets chill out and appreciate each other! Best OP

Tell them put them in their place.
Say there is the required paperwork dont ask me again to help you I did this free of charge and you had the cheek to be this pushy get the whole family putting the pressure on when you knew I wasn't well I didnt appreciate that.
Tell them.

And tell your mil not to ever forward your services again without asking and seeing if you have time or even want to do it ... fecking cheek of families honest to god .

If this was my actual sister and her partner, I’d tell her straight this would normally be a £xxxx job and he’s getting it for free. Therefore, he’s bottom of the queue and its in very bad taste to chase when he knows ive been ill - there will be no freebies in future!

As it is in-laws and MIL is sticking her oar in, I’d get DH to do the above!

I also wouldnt acknowledge any further correspondence from SIL, BIL or MIL on the topic.

Feel better soon

No good deed goes unpunished!

as others have said more eloquently than I can, I would tell them to stuff it. You weren't told a deadline, have been unwell, and never wanted to do it in the first place. Tell them you cannot meet their newly imposed deadline, that they can collect the paperwork, and they can pay someone else to do it in future.

He's not paying.
He gave no deadline.
The OP has been ill and paying clients take priority.
The OP did not accept the job in the first place but was told she was doing it by her mother in law.

In what world do you get to blame the OP, @Mooselander?