To never do them a favour again?

[Pipiscoming2023]

I run my own business doing a professional service and offered to help my SIL’s partner with this service for free as a favour to his small business a couple of weeks ago.

He gave me all the required paperwork last week and then I came down with a bug and today is my first day back at work. They know I’m ill as I couldn’t attend a family lunch over the weekend.

Today I’ve had a message from the partner asking where the completed work is as he has an important deadline in a couple of weeks (not mentioned before and not something I’d have been aware of). I said as I’d been ill, everything was a little pushed back and it would be a bit later this week.

Tonight I’ve had a message from my MIL asking where this work is and saying I need to get it to him asap. I feel super pissed off that I’m now being chased by the rest of the family and that it also makes me look incompetent. She said my SIL had been talking about how he really needed it and I hadn’t done it this evening.

It’s not paid, it would have cost easily 4 figures, and I’ve been unwell…

AIBU to get this over the line and then never help them again?!

If he didn’t tell you the deadline at the start they can’t all be chasing you now.

there’s either no imminent deadline or there is. YANBU

also they should be sounding very very apologetic and grateful in all of their interactions with you - sorry to push but we need it in two weeks - I really really appreciate it.

i wouldn’t do anymore free family favours. This is why!!

Never, ever give your work away for free. In the circumstances I'd do the work but make it plain when you return it, that you won't be able to help again. I doubt he'll ask why but if he does, I'd say I didn't appreciate being harrassed. I'm an artist and once gave a very close friend a painting as a birthday gift. I was astounded a while later to find that she'd cut it in half. I learned my lesson that day.

This, with bells on!!!

If anything does wash back on you I would make it abundantly clear that whilst you were willing to do them a favour, there was no mention of deadlines and your paying clients take priority. I would also make it very clear to MIL that she is not to offer your services to anyone under any circumstances. What does your partner think?

Just confirming what others have said. You weren't told it was urgent/important. You didn't offer in the first place. You're paying clients take priority. And actually MIL has assumed you have time to do this, whether you were ill or not.

I have quiet periods and others of high demand. Say you'd assumed it could wait until you had time IF you had agreed to do it. They are of course welcome to pay someone if they need it done more urgently than you can offer...

This. I 100% wouldn’t be doing it at all now.

I only think you were unreasonable for agreeing to work for free

She WHAT now?! OMFG. That'd be the end of the friendship for me. I don't give art pieces away all that often (not because they're crap before some smart arse says that, normally I sell them!)... but no good friend of mine would DREAM of it.

If it's a professional service, you shouldn't have offered it for free. There should have been the usual contract and terms of service.

I’m a freelancer and did some work gratis for BIL once which he complained about. Never again. He doesn’t work for free; neither do I. The whole crew know not to ask now. You can lend some folk a tenner and they’ll ask you to iron it. Tell him plans have changed because you’ve been ill and now have to catch up on your paid work because of that. It’s not like he can threaten to withhold his non-existent payment, is it?

I’d also state that paying clients take priority over freebies which will be attended to at that point.
Any further requests for work will need to be paid for at the same rates.
I wouldn’t bother with saying you are unwell as a justification. I’d treat them just as you would with your other clients

Say this!

Yes, it's the opportunity cost...

By doing any freebie the professional is missing out on earning money...

This needs to be MASSIVELY flagged up with whoever is receiving freebies /volunteering your time...

Yes Mil you're essentially wanting me to give this family member 1500£./x amount.... It's real money I'm losing...

They'll push back of course...

My family members would often volunteer my professional services to random peiole... Oh devils avocado will help... She won't mind... It's onyl a quick phone call... (it never was and also meant I was plunged head first into other consequential work I had to do as a result.)

Some of these people barely thanked me... For sometimes HOURS of help.. And often at madly short notice.....which would have cost them four figures. (several of these were.. Can I have. 15mins call while you're cooking supper... Which inevitably meant a.call back after supper... Then follow up mail... My one free.evening gone..

🤔

I started saying no more forcefully....after. I was burnt once too often...

She didn't... She was volunteered by mother in law

Id reply and say ill have it by end of week or whenever as ive been unwell and need to focus on paying clients, but also that in future I wont be able to help out anymore because of the above. Id attached details of a few contacts id recommend too.

Well you

It’s amazing how grabby and impatient people can be over someone else’s time and efforts. I hope you’re telling your DH to explain to your MIL that he’s been unreasonable in offering your services for free … cheeky fucker!

In her first post the OP says she offered, only revealing later that MIL volunteered her, something she could have refused but didn't. So yes, she offered.