To never do them a favour again?

[Pipiscoming2023]

I run my own business doing a professional service and offered to help my SIL’s partner with this service for free as a favour to his small business a couple of weeks ago.

He gave me all the required paperwork last week and then I came down with a bug and today is my first day back at work. They know I’m ill as I couldn’t attend a family lunch over the weekend.

Today I’ve had a message from the partner asking where the completed work is as he has an important deadline in a couple of weeks (not mentioned before and not something I’d have been aware of). I said as I’d been ill, everything was a little pushed back and it would be a bit later this week.

Tonight I’ve had a message from my MIL asking where this work is and saying I need to get it to him asap. I feel super pissed off that I’m now being chased by the rest of the family and that it also makes me look incompetent. She said my SIL had been talking about how he really needed it and I hadn’t done it this evening.

It’s not paid, it would have cost easily 4 figures, and I’ve been unwell…

AIBU to get this over the line and then never help them again?!

This.
You had the paperwork last week. Just return it. They can pay if it's such a rush.

Cheeky bastards!

I’d send them all a message saying something like this and never do them anything for free again.

As you’re all aware I’ve not been well and have been off work sick. A deadline for this free work wasn’t mentioned when I said I’d do it as a favour and the paperwork was delivered.

I can complete this work by X date, alternatively I can suggest a different contractor who may be able to complete earlier.

Their fees will be around £x which would be my standard rate had this not been offered by MIL as a favour.

Send something like this to them, your in-laws are CF.
'When i was asked to do £(insert your usual fee ) for free no deadline was stipulated.
You gave me the information neaded X working days ago. As you know I have been very ill for X of those working days and unable to work.
I do not appreciate being bad mouthed and harassed regarding completion of £ ( usual fee ) for free when I have been ill.
I will endeavor to complete as soon as possible but im sure you'd agree going forward it is best you employ and pay someone to do this work.'

I wouldn't do anything again for this lot.

well what happens if MIL offers your services again for free?

this 👆

I wouldn't be doing anything for them in the future, you were ill and even mil is sticking her oar in.
My ususal response to cfers usually means that they avoid me like the plague as do any of their hangers on. I don't tolerate idiots or twats randoms, strangers or family.

"Sorry a deadline was never discussed. As I am doing this for free it will be completed after my paid work. As I have been ill there is now an extra delay. If SIL needs it ASAP I suggest they find someone else as I cannot meet that deadline unfortunately."

I'm not even going to ask why your DH has spoken to both your BIL and MIL. The answer is always the same... He doesn't like conflict, his mother is overbearing. If that is your family situation, you need to tell him that the conflict that might occur if he politely explains to them what selfish, entitled, cheap fuckers they are being (and he can add interfering for his mother) will be way less than if you have to point out how fucking rude they are and give all his paperwork back to him unless he pays £5k up front. That is an arbitrary amount but I wouldn't do a few days' work for people like that for anything less.

If standing up for you isn't too uncomfortable for him, ask him to return all the documents to his brother.

YANBU
The response you’re looking for is “If you want me to do this work for free then you can wait for me to do it. If you need it sooner, feel free to pay someone else”

What on earth was OP supposed to communicate? Was she supposed to say "By the way, if I'm unwell I won't be forcing myself to do this massive favour for you till I'm well again, and I will have to put my contractual obligations to my paying clients first"? Surely that should be bloody obvious?

In that case, I'd tell them that it is obviously causing them and you a lot of stress, they should find someone else to provide this service. You were volunteered for this by your MIL with no consultation and you obviously can't help being ill.

Their reaction is completely unacceptable, and as they won't be grateful for this free service, you might as well piss them off even more and completely refuse to do it.

What does your husband think about his family's behaviour towards you? Hopefully, he will support you and tell them how out of order they are.

I’d be having a word with your MIL , how dare she volunteer your services for free.

I once got dropped in it like this when I had done a small favour for another family member. "Oh Gingercat will do this for you ...."

My sister volunteered me to do something else. I told her I have done my voluntary work for this year so you will have to re-apply next year! It did not go down well but I have not been approached since.

I would send the paperwork back with a very sharp message and let him run around and find his own slave to do free work.

I know, I hate it when other people are free and easy with your time and money offering out favours to make themselves look good.

@Pipiscoming2023 I would send sils dp a mail and copy to mil saying that you were never told about a deadline. If you had known you wouldn't have accepted to do it since you got paying clients that take priority. They all know that you have been ill and you are now back to work. Since there is a rush you won't be able to help out and you will send him back the paperwork so that he can pay someone to do it. CF!!

Yes to this! They are taking the piss. If urgent then you pay.

I wouldn't do it at all now.

It really is no good deed unpunished. And as any solicitor will tell you even free advice kindly given if wrong means the buggers can sue you!

I'd say, as you've been unwell, and the work is now urgent, they'd better give it to someone else.

Hi sil partner, i wasn't aware of this deadline and would not have agreed to it. I have been off work sick so other things are now behind schedule. Obviously I will be prioritising paying clients over a free favour I was volunteered for. I was planning on doing it this in my personal time but have since received another message about this fron MIL saying it needs to be done immediately. I'm now pretty annoyed about all this as I'm sure you can understand. You will have to get it completed elsewhere. I will return your paperwork whej I'm back in the office later and recommend you try X."

I wouldn’t be bloody doing it at all after that, ‘I’m still recovering and as X needs it by this date I’m unable to help him, here’s a contact for someone who can’

Do the minimum necessary to get it back to him, and never do it again.

This sounds ideal.

Just set your own new deadline and meet that. No need for them or you to get uppity, it just creates resentment.

It's not ideal though. When I do work for free I still expect to meet quality/timescales.