To never do them a favour again?

[Pipiscoming2023]

I run my own business doing a professional service and offered to help my SIL’s partner with this service for free as a favour to his small business a couple of weeks ago.

He gave me all the required paperwork last week and then I came down with a bug and today is my first day back at work. They know I’m ill as I couldn’t attend a family lunch over the weekend.

Today I’ve had a message from the partner asking where the completed work is as he has an important deadline in a couple of weeks (not mentioned before and not something I’d have been aware of). I said as I’d been ill, everything was a little pushed back and it would be a bit later this week.

Tonight I’ve had a message from my MIL asking where this work is and saying I need to get it to him asap. I feel super pissed off that I’m now being chased by the rest of the family and that it also makes me look incompetent. She said my SIL had been talking about how he really needed it and I hadn’t done it this evening.

It’s not paid, it would have cost easily 4 figures, and I’ve been unwell…

AIBU to get this over the line and then never help them again?!

I’d send the paperwork back and tell him he can shove it up his arse!

Today I’ve had a message from the partner asking where the completed work is as he has an important deadline in a couple of weeks (not mentioned before and not something I’d have been aware of).

Tell him he needs to find someone else as you were unaware of this deadline, and if you had known about it you would not have offered. Apologies and all that.

Next time don't do favours, especially ones volunteered by MIL.

“Terribly sorry BIL, I was unaware you had a deadline. With me being unwell and being flat out with actual clients, I don’t have capacity at present to meet your required timeline. I’ll drop your paperwork off* so you can get someone else to sort this for you”

*or make him pick it up, or have DH drop it it to him

I would say you're really ill and won't be able to get it done by his deadline so he should get someone else do it.

People like this only learn if you speak their language.

And don’t do any offers for MIL again

Get DH to tell MIL to never offer your services out like that again.

This is the right approach.

Some great responses! Please stand up for yourself!

That's awful. Reminds me of a recent thread where someone's mum told her friend that she only had to pay a tenner for the OP's professional services, after her spending quite some time on something, and people were saying she should accept it. You don't see men's time and expertise being devalued in this way.

“I’m prioritising my paying clients. Feel free to go elsewhere.”

He can fuck right off and for goodness sake don’t be a mug like this again.

Nobody values stuff they get free and if you do this service as a paid service usually then you aren't valuing yourself by doing it free
You are basically handing your in Laws however much you could make doing this for paid clients, possibly hundreds of pounds - maybe think about that before you offer freebies

You could just hand the documents back, given your illness and the newly advised deadline, and let him pay someone else to do the necessary.

It's amazing how.people seems so ready to complain if you are working for free ias a.favour,.instead of speaking to you properly and actually offering to take the papers back.whem they realised you'd been ill.

I get why people think you need to explain /defend yourself but I would not; neither would I complete the work but perhaps you are nice than I am.
Is your Mil usually such a thoughtless arse?
Just "I am sorry what I could offer you at no charge didn't suit you, here is your paperwork back. Please feel free to look elsewhere.

If I couldn't do it by his deadline, I'd tell him that straight away, tell him if he had told me about the deadline I wouldn't have accepted it as its not possible, and give him recommendations where to get it done within the timeline
If I could do it, I'd push it through as I've already agreed to do it and would feel obliged.
And most important - never do it again for free for any member of the family - including FiL. 'Sorry after the last debacle with SiL partner when I was ill and I was forced to rush it through for an uncommunicated deadline whilst sick, I promised myself I will keep everything on a professional basis from now on only'.
When MiL volunteers you again, either say no or send through a business proposal for the work with your expected fee, like any other referral.

I agree with this. I’m a (retired) solicitor and have voluntarily given advice to people free of charge over the years. Very few people are truly grateful. My final straw was after I helped someone avoid a driving disqualification. I received a somewhat cursory thank you afterwards, followed by, “that would have cost me about £200 had I gone to a qualified lawyer.” I assured them in no uncertain terms that my hourly charging rate was significantly higher than that. As they say, no good deed goes unpunished.

The other thing I’ve learned is that if your advice is something they don’t particularly want to hear, then that is inevitably because, “we all know that lawyers are useless!”. Yes, I’ve been on the receiving end of that one too.

@Pipiscoming2023 I would follow the advice of others on this thread and hand the work back to your BIL. The whole family has gone beyond taking you for granted and it’s completely unacceptable. I hope you feel better soon.

I agree it’s outrageous but even if you are not getting paid you do need to maintain your professional standards. If I was op I would hate that a few people now think I’m rubbish however unfairly.

If you agree to do it even for free you have to do it to a high standard. The answer is to never give freebies. As pps rightly say you are never appreciated anyway and would
actually get more respect if you charged your time.

As others have said, hand back the paperwork and tell him as you haven’t met his deadline that he neglected to tell you about, he will need to go elsewhere for this service and pay for it. Tight fucker for not offering anything in the first place.

I would ignore your MIL as this has nothing to do with her or anyone else.

The OP didn't offer to do it free within a specific timeline. She wasn't given a timescale, and was pressganged into doing it free of charge by someone else. She's been ill and although they know that, they are now chasing her and giving her a deadline. That is downright cheeky of them, so telling them they can either wait until she can fit it in or feel free to pay someone else to do it is entirely reasonable.

Next time go for a "oh mil is daft as a brush. I have to eat! I can give you a quote for what you need though"
Then quote at least 2 x what you'd charge as standard.

This is how builders get out of doing jobs they dont fancy....

I’d reply:

As you know, I’ve been ill and so I haven’t been able to do this. I didn’t realise there was a deadline - you didn’t mention this before - and I’m still not fully recovered so won’t be able to meet the deadline. I’m sorry but you’ll need to find someone else as I need to take further time to recover.

Then never agree again. If they ask again tell them you have a lot of paid work on currently so no space to do free work.

Cheeky sods.

Yep. I'm freelance and if I was put in this position that would fuel my ire as much as the expectation I'd work for free - the fact that I'd been put in a position where I had the choice between labouring away for no money, and feeling like I was being unprofessional if I was late turning the unpaid work in! It definitely rubs salt into the wound. I've been in that position before, and I'm a lot more discerning now about what I will and won't do for free.

His rudeness is unforgivable.

You now have the measure of the lot of them.

I bet he didn't tell you about the deadline because he assumed you'd just drop everything and do it right away. I'd suggest you give him a date that you can reasonably have it done by. If that date doesn't suit him then he can find someone else to be rude to.

"It’s not paid, it would have cost easily 4 figures"

Then I think you should hand him his paperwork back and say it's best he takes it to another professional as your illness makes you unable to meet his undisclosed deadline.

And I'd be taking your MIL to one side end giving her a ticking off whilst I was at it. Do not EVER allow her to back you into a corner again. To be honest, there's a risk she'll pull this stunt on you again, maybe to a friend of hers, say. Stamp down on this, HARD. FIL can whistle Dixie in future too, if this is a service that would otherwise be recurring.

I agree with all the posts saying not informed of their deadline, you've been ill and have to prioritise paying clients, but if he needs it done more urgently than (date) here's some contacts of people who could do it more quickly adding "I wouldn't let them charge you more than ( £ inflated amount) It would be also be fun, to add

"and BTW, was it really necessary to appoint MIL as your project manager?

sorry, I am unable to meet the deadline. But no worries, I will give you a full refund of the fee you paid.

He sounds a bit neurotic. Definitely say MIL volunteered you. Do the work, hand it back, and then make it plain that that is the last time you are EVER doing anything for any of them again as they have behaved badly.

Yes, something like this.