AIBU to be frustrated by my husband interrupting me while I work from home?

[Messydesks]

Am taking a quick coffee break as have been working since 8.

I am just feeling frustrated as DH is off this week but kind of mooching around the house with the teens. The teens know to leave me in peace when I am working but DH is constantly popping his head round the door to tell me some random thought hes had or ask me some random question

My work involves periods of intense focus (hence the coffee break!) and it really stresses me out to be interrupted. I have tried telling him so many times. I don't get why he can't respect it

Just want to hear from both people WFh /people at home while their spouses WFH about how to handle this

Nb I don't mind them being noisy in the house etc. I shut the study door and I am good at zoning out from background noise

Tell him very firmly to stop interrupting you! If he continues tell him you're putting a chair under the door handle so he stops opening it (I presume you don't have a lock on the door!) My DH works from home and if the door is shut I assume he's in meetings and leave him alone - it's not hard!

He has no respect for your work. Sorry. Do you have an office you can go to? I had to put a lock on my home office door during Covid but that was for DC, nor DH!

No, he’s an adult and he should know better, for sure,

With that being said, I do have a slightly more sympathetic outlook than I think most of the comments here will have. I have found my husbands working from home extremely challenging. It was OK when it was a couple of days a week, but now it is all the time and if I am honest had I known this at the start of the relationship and how I would feel about it, I don’t know if I’d have committed myself.

I don’t really have the answers here as of course you’re not unreasonable but I also do have some sympathy for the one on the other side.

Next time he interrupts you, ask him why his random thought is more important than your being able to concentrate.

Just tell him. “Dont interrupt me unless it’s an emergency or you’re putting the kettle on; I’m having lunch at 12:30 and we can speak then; the door is shut as I’ve got to get this report done today and I’m hoping to finish work at a reasonable time.”

Alternatively get creative with the errands and chores he needs to do.

Noise cancelling headphones, door shut. If he does dare to intrude, point at the headphones and turn back around.

Tell him if the study door is shut, don’t come in unless it’s an emergency. If he doesn’t understand that, I would be asking him if he has any learning difficulties meaning he can’t understand that.

Mine does this too, drives me to literal distraction. Even if he's working from home too, if he's not on a call he will just come to my office for a chat... But I'm usually busy with something, then I lose my concentration and have to find my focus all over again! If my door is shut then he is less likely to come in, but has still been known to interrupt to ask an unnecessary question and I have to tell him to go away. Very annoying.

My dh does a hands on job so has never wfh. He starts earlier in the day so finishes earlier. I’m still working when he comes home and even now he will start come and give me a kiss, start telling me about his day, asking about the dc, talking about dinner etc.
i tell him I’m working and then later tell him that it’s disrespectful and that I wouldn’t expect him to drop everything in his work day to have a non important convo with me. He still doesn’t get it….so I feel your pain!

Just say ‘Don’t come anywhere near me unless the house is on fire.’ Repeat as necessary.

But she’s not asking him to be quiet or stop doing what he wants to do around the house. It’s to stop coming in and talking to her.

My DP is a bit like this — he just needs more chat than I do — but he totally respects a closed door. If yours doesn’t, practically I’d say you need a lock (get a bolt or something from B&Q?) and, perhaps, a giant ‘Do not disturb’ sign.

Office door closed = piss off

Office door open = ok to come and chat

Even my 1 year old knows the difference.

@Messydesks shut the door and put a "do not disturb" sign on it.

I know and my husband doesn’t either. But it has still massively altered everything in ways that are quite difficult to explain. It’s made me feel invisible and unimportant, and is also strangely suffocating. It’s just really unpleasant and I can only really try to explain what I’ve personally found.

If you don't want to be disturbed why don't you tape a piece of paper to the door saying

"DO NOT DISTURB UNLESS DIRE EMERGENCY"

If he STILL interrupts go nuts at him.

That seems incredibly extreme.

Lock the door.

Tell him to fuck off!

Even my DC know not to disturb me when I’ve had to WFH in the past.

I do think the fact that you’d only been at work less than 1 and 1/2 hours and were already having a coffee break suggests that you may do this a couple of times a day and so he perhaps assumes you’re not that busy and can take breaks when you want type thing.

You need to be very clear that when you’re in the office with the door closed you cannot be disturbed.

I know what she means. Homes aren’t workplaces and it does change the dynamic when you have a partner at home who has to be locked away on their own for hours while you carry on as normal around them.

My feelings or the WFH? Maybe it does but I can’t help that! All I know is that having someone in the house all the time but never speaking to me or acknowledging me or helping me is miserable and I know logically it’s unfair as u wouldn’t expect it if he was in the office but it is how I honestly feel.

Get a lock for the door.

I get you - I don’t think it’s extreme at all.

But doesn’t that depend on what your ‘normal’ is?

Your feelings. It sounds like you experience your husband working from home as a kind of rejection.