AIBU to be frustrated by my husband interrupting me while I work from home?

[Messydesks]

Am taking a quick coffee break as have been working since 8.

I am just feeling frustrated as DH is off this week but kind of mooching around the house with the teens. The teens know to leave me in peace when I am working but DH is constantly popping his head round the door to tell me some random thought hes had or ask me some random question

My work involves periods of intense focus (hence the coffee break!) and it really stresses me out to be interrupted. I have tried telling him so many times. I don't get why he can't respect it

Just want to hear from both people WFh /people at home while their spouses WFH about how to handle this

Nb I don't mind them being noisy in the house etc. I shut the study door and I am good at zoning out from background noise

I mean I was going to say a £2 bolt from B&Q is what you need but a water pistol is a lot funnier….

I was going to suggest a shock collar since this is a grown ass adult man that can't understand to leave his wife alone while she is working.

@Messydesks if he can't respect that you need to concentrate when working and ignores you when you tell him not to disturb you, lock the door and noise cancelling head phones so you can't hear him might give him the hint.

@magicalsummereve If my partner interrupted me while working because he just needed to feel validated and constant communication, he wouldn't be my partner very long. I don't interupt him either. Does your partner work from home to increase his time at home rather than communicating? You work part time, if he loses his job because you keep interrupting him, are you finding a full time job to support you all?

Put a 'do not disturb ' sign on the door.

Just stop being so patient and tell him to shut the FUCK up!

But also, anyone who plonks themselves down in the middle of the kitchen or living room to work and expects everyone to tiptoe around them should also be squirted. Get.A.Room.

Everyone in the household has known for many years what we call the "fire or gushing blood" rule. You do not interrupt an adult working from home unless there is a fire or an injury that might require hospital level attention.
If my kids could grasp this your dh most certainly be able to.

tell Him that you don’t want to be disturbed unless it’s an emergency. Then when he interrupts ask “ am I calling an ambulance or the police?”
next time “is the house on fire or one of the kids dying”
ect and when he says no “go away, im
working”

This.
my husband gets a firm ‘not listening to you!’ And door shut in his face if needs be.

Would he interrupt a colleague like this when they’ve told him not to? No.. didn’t think so.

get him told @Messydesks!

I've given them all this rule. My kids seem to grasp it, my husband does not!

I actually have a disability which means I had to switch to a job that is fully remote. The alternative would be to claim benefits I guess

Put a lock on your door
I've got one so my child doesn't just walk in but it's a clear message to your husband that if it's locked and he tried the door then you're concentrating

Why? What is it he does that you find difficult? I'd be interested to know as I do want to be understanding of others.
But I stay in my study with my door shut (except when he opens it). I pop out of my study about twice a day for coffee/to pop to the loo and take a short lunch break.
I don't expect anyone to change their noise levels and I don't really think about what they are doing as long as they don't interrupt me
I'm interested in what bothers you about him being there?
Do you work out of the house or from home?

I knew I then had back to back meetings till midday so it was my only chance to get up from my desk /grab a coffee /nip to the loo until lunchtime

But that definitely sounds like a you problem? Surely you just carry on as you would if they were in the office?
I struggle to understand this

go back into the room, telling himhe is not to interrupt and lock the door if no key then push a chair up against it or a door stop or something

I have tried. Many times! This thread is renewing my confidence to be robust about it (and possibly get a lock!)

Oh yes I entirely agree with this! But I have a study that is tucked away at the end of a hallway.

What about putting a lock on the door? YANBU!

Yep my partner is for same. We had words yesterday about it lol. I work until 5pm but he turned up at 3.45 yesterday so he could take me to a beer garden in the lovely weather!! He had to then sit there and I couldn’t concentrate, very annoying!

I grew up in a house with both parents regularly doing work at home (a doctor and a lawyer ) so I don't get this binary.
In fact all my grandparents were doctors and they all worked from home some of the time.

Provided people are working in their study then surely you just respect the study door being shut?

I don't have any choice either. My disability means I either work from home or don't work at all

Hi OP,

You are not being unreasonable at all. The fact that your teens have the courtesy to respect your work but your DH doesnt lets you see where his level of behaviour falls - well below that of a respectful teen.

Ive never understood spouses (husbands or wives) who dont respect the others’ work. Presumable your salary helps fund your household of which your husband is a part. I’d make clear if he wants your financial contribution, he needs to support you working. Or is the issue he doesnt want you to work at all?

The fact you have a disability makes the situation even worse. You literally have to wfh to be able to work and he’s trying to sabotage it. I’d give him one more chance and then get a lock for the door

I earn more than he does so I doubt he wants me to stop working.

I think he just likes lots of attention and doesn't understand a very "'compartmentalised" way of working. He only works from home occasionally but when he does he seems to constantly faff about and get distracted

OK. So you have told him straight not to interrupt you but he doesn’t give a shit.

You need a lock for the door. In the meantime, tell him you are going to barricade yourself in with furniture.

@WerewolfOfLoudon i do think that’s unfair as a) I don’t interrupt DH and b) I don’t need validation. What I’m trying to explain is how uncomfortable it is that my presence and the children’s presence is largely ignored for huge chunks of the day. It is where we are but had I known years ago that any time I do get to myself or even with my children has to be spent largely out of the house, I would have made a different decision and DH has no idea I feel this way.

I might have guessed!

So youre the breadwinner, you need to work from home due to disability, and your teens can understand and respect your (separate) work-space….but a grown man cant because he needs attention.

He is being infantile and irresponsible and I’d be really straight with him. Maybe he doesnt understand the pressures of your work - but he needs to learn as your job is funding the household.

Also sounds like he could push himself a bit harder at work.