Family fall out over ‘baby shower’

[Neverendingsummer26]

I’m pregnant with my first child and due next month. My mum & sister were really keen to throw me a baby shower but it wasn’t something I wanted so I politely declined their offer. I know they were really disappointed but nothing more was said about it.

My birthday is also next month so a couple of weekends ago I organised a dinner with all my friends as probably unlikely I will be able to celebrate this year.

I had absolutely no prior knowledge of this but my friends decided to turn my bday dinner into a bit of a baby shower with decorations and a few games and then a few of them put photos all over social media (I’m not on it myself). My sister saw the posts and she & my mum are absolutely livid with me, saying I’ve deliberately excluded them and always prioritise my friends over family.

Since then I’ve not heard anything from my sister although I have found out that she is now going on a work trip the week of my due date which I know she’d previously said no to as she didn’t want to miss meeting my baby.

I obviously appreciate that it could look like I did leave them out but I honestly had no idea what my friends were planning and I’m actually starting to get really annoyed that my last month of pregnancy is being over shadowed by this. AIBU to think I did nothing wrong and my mum & sister need to move on now ? After it all kicked off initially I said they could organise me a family one for the 3 of us but they didn’t want to

I have found out that she is now going on a work trip the week of my due date which I know she’d previously said no to as she didn’t want to miss meeting my baby.

I think fair enough she is going on the work trip. You surely can’t be annoyed at that?

You offered her a baby shower for the three of you which would be really odd and annoyed her even more as it sounds like a sore loser prize.

Just get on with having your baby. The fact that they are cross with you when you are about to give birth over a baby shower is very very mean of them. Bloody stupid baby showers and gender reveals. Load of twaddle. Never happened in my day thank God.

Thinking about it, I know my sister was a bit irritated with my best friend around my hen as my sister did all the organizing & admin for it (with a very young baby) and then my BF sort of took over on the actual weekend so I wonder if my sister’s reaction is linked to that.

And you stood by and watched it all happen.

It sounds like you take your sister massively for granted because she doesn’t have as many friends and she has had enough..

I’m not annoyed but I do feel disappointed as I’d planned that grandparents would meet the baby first then it would be my sister but depending on when the baby comes it might not work out that way now.

I suggested something for the 3 of us as I knew they had been disappointed about me not wanting a baby shower & then cross to find out my friends had done one so I was trying to find a compromise

I wasn’t involved in the planning of my hen so I didn’t know till after that my sister had done it all.

I don’t take her for granted at all, but I can’t help having a bigger friendship group than her.

Gosh everyone just needs to chill out. I wouldn’t even bother planning who meets the baby in what order. Save your energy for your new baby.

Honestly you are all being very ott about the whole thing! Your sister needs to get over whatever the hen do beef is and get a grip about the baby shower. You need to put your feet up, enjoy the last bit of pregnancy and stop worrying about who is going to meet baby in what order.

Don't worry about your family seeing the baby. After how you have treated them I don't think they will be rushing over to see you. Why don't you just have all your friends over to see the baby.

OP, I could have written this exact post; except that I'd be your sister. It is really frustrating when this happens as it does come across as though you prioritise your friends and BF over your family.
Even saying things like : you can't help having a bigger friendship group' is part of the problem. Your family love you and want to celebrate/be there for you, but you only want this exactly on your own terms or not at all; forgetting there is often a bit more give and take in families.
I sorted this with my sister by not planning stuff for her anymore and I told her why. This was after a similar drama with both her bridal and baby showers. We get along great now, as I no longer get upset by any such issues since my expectations and realities have changed and she is probably happier her friends can organise stuff for her without me/ our Mom.
But, it really did hurt at the time and I still can't stand her best friend for cutting her family off at those important times in her life.

I have a sister like you, she's not really close to the family, similar things happened with us. She gives off an air of snutty. My other sister and I would plan days out or family things and she would always stick her nose up at things. Eventually I stopped trying and we don't talk now. There is only so much you can put yourself out there for someone before you say enough.

It does read a bit as if you want things only on your terms OP.

You cannot be surprised if family give you what you want plus some.

I think in retrospect what would have been wise was to text you sister / mom and say omg it's supposed to be a birthday meal and Mabdy has turned it into a baby shower. Just wanted to give you the heads up cos it's the first I've known sboit it"

But too late now.

I do think a baby shower for the 3 of you is odd.

Did you not consider inviting your Mom and sis to your meal given you won't get chance to celebrate with them either?

I would very much make sure no one meets the babies before the grandparents and aunts, unless once home she refuses to come. Even if that means putting friends off.

Make it clear to your sister & mum that this was sprung on you, and it is not something you wanted. If they really know and love you , they will believe you! Outrageous that they are causing you anxiety at this precious time. They should be supporting you

You put your foot down with your family who wanted to organize one with your permission but meekly rolled over when your friends ambushed your birthday celebration?

I can see why they’re a bit annoyed. I can also understand being happy about a shower planned by friends (who might be a lot more on the same page in terms of understanding what you like and not traversing boundaries) and really not wanting one planned by family. But it’s going to hurt that family when that becomes obvious.

looks like you are ok with it… and your sister and mother are not wrong